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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My brother was murdered last night.

342 replies

MetallicHighlights · 04/12/2013 21:17

That's it, really. He was stabbed to death on his doorstep. Just been staring at the photo of his house with the forensic tent outside on the BBC website.

I've been spamming FB with maudlin photos but reckon my friends there have probably had enough by now, so have come here to rant instead.

DD (14) adored him. She is being very brave. DS doesn't know yet as it's his 5th birthday today and I wanted him to have one more day of fun before he learns that life is shit.

So how do we get through this?

OP posts:
WheresMyCow · 05/12/2013 09:14

So so sorry for your loss Metallic Thanks

Had seen the story in the local paper, he sounds a wonderful man.

Thinking of you and your family today xx

ZingSweetPea · 05/12/2013 09:18

so sorry for your loss Metallic, utter tragedy. Thanks
just shocking.

Mimishimi · 05/12/2013 09:18

I am so sorry Metallic. I did see his photo and concur with the PP that he was quite handsome and he truly sounds like he was a lovely, interesting person on the inside too from the description of him by you and those in the paper... very tragic, senseless loss Sad

Spacefrog35 · 05/12/2013 09:22

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Your words shine with love for your brother, he sounds like a wonderful man.

It sounds like there is a fairly sizeable bunch of people affected by his loss, please lean on them for support. You want to be strong for your DCs but there is nothing wrong with them knowing that you're sad so please take time for yourself.

It's a very very long path out of the dark place you find yourself but you will get there. Start with one breath at a time, then one step at a time, it's ok to crumple in a heap as long as you get up again. We will all be here whenever you need us

x

ancientbuchanan · 05/12/2013 09:23

Really sorry.

When you feel capable of it, bereavement counselling might be a good idea, for you and dd . You will understand what to expect in the roller coaster days to come.

lottieandmia · 05/12/2013 09:25

I am so very sorry - there are really no words Sad

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 05/12/2013 09:25

Thank you. I just wish they hadn't put the graphic stuff in the paper as DD would want to see all the nice things said about him. All the messages his friends have sent say how he was the least violent, most anti fighting man they have known. He didn't stand a chance.

And of course good looks run in the family. Wink

OP posts:
AllThatGlistensIsChristmassy · 05/12/2013 09:35

Oh Metallic Sad

I am so deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. You sound like a remarkable woman, your strength and courage is shining through and I'm so glad you have Jon's friends supporting you all through this awful time.

My deepest sympathy and best wishes to you and your family xx

Mimishimi · 05/12/2013 09:41

Perhaps you could print the article and cross out the bits you don't want your DD to read with a black marker? Knowing her uncle was described and headllined as one of 'life's true gentlemen' will stay with her( in a good way) for the rest of her life despite the horrid circumstances. [hug]

rumbelina · 05/12/2013 09:49

I'm so so sorry. It is so shit. Keep talking, in RL and on here. I lost someone close very suddenly, although not murdered. The shock, as well as the grief, turned my world upside down and inside out. It helped me to write things down - someone gave me a nice writing book and sometimes I wrote how I felt and sometimes just jotted down a memory or something that had been said. 11 years on that book is still my most treasured possession.

SandyDilbert · 05/12/2013 09:56

I am so incredibly sorry Metallic - I wish there were some words which could comfort, or in some very small way take away the pain you and your family are enduring. All I can say is that I, and the might of Mumsnet, are behind you and are here to hold your hand in the hours, days, weeks, months and years ahead. Your brother sounds like a remarkable, wonderful, much loved & admired man.

Rooners · 05/12/2013 10:05

I am so sorry. I haven't seen the news but he sounds like an absolutely epic bloke.

I know how much an uncle or auntie can mean to children, my sis is very important to mine. I hope you manage to find a way to cope through this awful pain.

Much love.

kelper · 05/12/2013 10:08

oh my goodness, just read this. sending you un-mumsnetty hugs, rip Jon. hope you manage to hang on to your amazing strength over the coming days and weeks. and im sure sugar puffs are good for the sad, bless your ds x

Damnautocorrect · 05/12/2013 10:14

Oh wow, I'm so so sorry for your loss xxx

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 05/12/2013 10:28

Have just been laughing with my cousins on FB because one of them posted a "Sleep peacefully" comment. Jon did not do peaceful. Ever. He could only sit down with a guitar in his hands (and preferably some whiskey as well). He couldn't hold a conversation without pacing round the room, and never sat in a restaurant long enough for a second course. He always had to be doing - gardening, restoring his lifeboat, going for great long walks, doing favours for anyone who asked. Peaceful, no way. He'll be pacing now, wherever he is.

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 05/12/2013 10:30

I'm so sorry for this senseless loss. What a lovely man he sounds.

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 05/12/2013 10:30

Thanks for listening. All your kind words are giving us strength, and I will go back over the advice when my head is a little clearer.

OP posts:
kohl · 05/12/2013 10:45

Oh love, I am so sorry. He sounds incredible, and you have been epic in the last 24 hours, holding it together. I hope you find some small comfort in being with your folks and his friends. I can understand not being able to eat, but could you try warming milky drinks?

ParsingFancy · 05/12/2013 12:11

Thinking of you all today.

HepsiBaubleMistletoes · 05/12/2013 12:25

Just seen this and had read about it in the paper earlier. Metallic I am so very very sorry for this senseless death of your dear brother who seems to have been a fine man. May he rest in peace (with his guitar and a large whiskey).

My condolences to you and your family. X

ormirian · 05/12/2013 12:27

Oh my lovely, I am so so sorry. What a dreadful loss Sad

Thinking of you all and wishing you strength xx

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 05/12/2013 12:30

Really sorry Metallic, thinking of you and your family. Jon sounds really lovely, and your closeness is clear. Do try to take care of yourself, it's a long road ahead.
Thanks

PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 05/12/2013 12:35

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.

Based on what you've just said, may he be pacing peacefully now. x

Rikalaily · 05/12/2013 13:00

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like he was a fab person and he brought a lot of joy to all of your lives. Remember all of the good times and laughs.

Thinking of you all xx

telsa · 05/12/2013 13:07

He sounds like such a wonderful man. You have many fantastic memories. I am so sorry for your terrible loss.