My brother was murdered last night.

[MetallicHighlights]

That's it, really. He was stabbed to death on his doorstep. Just been staring at the photo of his house with the forensic tent outside on the BBC website.

I've been spamming FB with maudlin photos but reckon my friends there have probably had enough by now, so have come here to rant instead.

DD (14) adored him. She is being very brave. DS doesn't know yet as it's his 5th birthday today and I wanted him to have one more day of fun before he learns that life is shit.

So how do we get through this?

[MetallicHighlights]

Sorry for double post, but I've just seen this is back. Here you go Jon, your very own .

[tribpot]

I tried to post last night but MN was 'not accepting new posts' apparently.

I just wanted to wish you and your family a measure of peace in 2014, Metallic. I know nothing can ever be the same again.

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

Metallic

I wish you all the best for the New Year - I hope that memories of Jon will eventually delight and make you happy more often than they might make you sad.

I also hope that you can get something done by the end of the year in his memory - whatever it is he'll be proud of you.
lots of love and hugs x

[MetallicHighlights]

Hi Zing , happy new year to you too.

We've decided to change tack a bit with a lasting memorial for Jon. Some of the collection from the service is going to English Heritage, but in the last couple of weeks we've been made very aware of just how much he was liked and respected in the local community so we are looking at something closer to home. He had a large collection of local books / artefacts / postcards and was very much involved with the local lifeboat museum. We're looking at how to put his stuff together and display it as his memorial but also as a resource for the community.

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

That is a great idea!
And for someone whose love for historical facts is so obvious I'm sure he'll aprove that his collection will be used to educate people and make them think about past and future.

It will be a great project. He'll be with you every step of the way.

[MetallicHighlights]

Trying so hard to do normal again - kids back in school, me at work. The kids are doing well. Small Boy had a bad eczema flare up which I suspect was stress related, but that's calming down nicely. DD has mock GCSEs coming up, so something that's normal for teens to stress over rather than all the crap of the last few weeks.

I'm failing miserably. Can't concentrate, can't remember, can't even breathe half the time so letting everyone at work down. I ache all the time from physically holding it all in. Can't cry at work, trying not to lose it in front of the kids so that means I get to sob uncontrollably while driving from work to pick up, and then pretty much all night. Adrenalin has worn off, shock's worn off, just permanent misery, fear, images of what happened over and over. I know I've got to be brave, I know time heals and all that, but the present is not a good place.

[Xoticdreamz]

So hard , it's often when you are meant to be back to the " normal " life that it actually feels worse . You can do nothing but try to do your best and cry and grieve as much as you like . Don't hold it in , it will only catch up with you . Sending you many positive thoughts and healing vibes . I know it's so sore and you obviously had such a great bond .

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry.
there's no normal, not right now.
your lives got shattered, who can blame you for loosing it?

Any chance you have time for bereavement counselling?
Or be able to take compassionate leave?

the only thing about crying while driving is the increased risk of an accident - which you know - which is worrying.
You definitely need to speak to someone - you need to be able to grieve during the day, let it out and you need help so you have the opportunity to do it so.

I tidied up the kids' English Heritage Monopoly yesterday and was thinking about Jon.

Sending you big hugs, I wish I could do more.

[MetallicHighlights]

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I just wanted to update. Jon's murderer was found guilty yesterday after a three week trial and sentenced to life, with a minimum of 28 years.

Despite overwhelming evidence the killer refused to plead guilty, so the friends who witnessed his death had to relive the experience in the witness box. We heard the pathologist describing how the knife was driven in to a depth of 20 cm. We listened to the 999 call as his friends tried to give CPR while pleading with Jon to stay with them.

Jon died because the killer was jealous of his relationship with his estranged wife and child. The wife was an old flame of Jon's. The killer had hacked her Facebook accounts, hidden webcams in the house, even hidden a dictaphone in her handbag. Had she posted here the cries of LTB would have been deafening. She did leave him 18 months ago. She and her daughter were just about to move in with Jon a year later when he was killed.

My kids are awesome. They're doing brilliantly and I love them to bits. I've been off work for ages but am planning to go back shortly.

We miss Jon every day.

[RandomMess]

I really hope there is some closure for you, it's just so desperately sad and the heartache there will always be for your lovely Jon.

[CakeUpWall]

Thank you for letting us know, Metallic. I still think about your thread, and was wondering how you are all getting on with the reality of daily life. This was so sad, and should never have happened.
xx

[oldsnapdragon]

I was just reading about this in the paper then saw your thread.

When a close relative of mine died ds looked up in the sky and said "there she is - the brightest star of all". It bought some comfort to me and I hope you and your family have some comfort in all the happy memories you have of your lovely Jon. x

[CorporateRockWhore]

Metallic I remember your thread, and how wonderful your brother sounded.

I am glad there is a tiny bit of justice now, not that it will ever be what you wanted. xxxx

[CrystalDeCanter]

Oh Metallic, I remember this thread too. I'm glad the killer was jailed but how terrible for you and your friends and family to have to go through the trial.

Your brothers death should never have happened, it's so sad, such a terrible waste.

How is the wife and her children? What an appalling time she has had too.

I wish you all some peace and closure.

[MetallicHighlights]

My almost-sister-in-law is a very brave lady and her daughter is a lovely lovely little person who has coped astonishingly well. I don't want to say too much as I know she's been doorstepped today, but they are a big part of our family.

Friends and family have been fab. I'm currently sitting in a damp tent with my bestest friends in the world pouring wine and chocolate down my throat. Just what the doctor ordered.

[Mrsmorton]

OP you may be gone by now but can I just say my jaw never fails to drop at your incredible strength. Amazing, I saw the verdict on this case but is forgotten about your OP I'm sorry. I hope this will help you, I'm not sure how it will but I hope you're doing ok.