My brother was murdered last night.

[MetallicHighlights]

That's it, really. He was stabbed to death on his doorstep. Just been staring at the photo of his house with the forensic tent outside on the BBC website.

I've been spamming FB with maudlin photos but reckon my friends there have probably had enough by now, so have come here to rant instead.

DD (14) adored him. She is being very brave. DS doesn't know yet as it's his 5th birthday today and I wanted him to have one more day of fun before he learns that life is shit.

So how do we get through this?

[MetallicHighlights]

My head won't switch off.

[LittleTulip]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I guess the shock will be wearing off now and reality kicking in. Small steps

[duchesse]

I am so sorry Metallic. RIP your brother.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Of course your head won't rest Metallic, what has happened is massive. Reality doesn't seem real for you anymore.

[SoloSlantedClaws]

Oh gosh! :( I'm so sorry for your loss Metallic how terrible...

Your brothers picture shows a beautiful face and an inner glow. Bless him and rest his soul.

[bunchoffives]

Hope you manage some sleep Metallic.

If you feel really bad through the night, try out of hours dr, I'm sure they'll be able to give you something to help you sleep.

[KeatsiePie]

I am so so very sorry.

[MetallicHighlights]

Actually, what I really want to do is scream my head off. But I suspect the kids (and the neighbours) won't thank me for that.

Thank you, soloslantedclaus. One of the tributes to him in the paper described him as a "true gentleman". He was one of the good guys.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Oh dear, what an absolutely hideous thing to have happen.

I'm so sorry for you and your family.

What a fantastic mother you are to have the sensitivity and courage to go through your son's birthday before he is told.

Your brother sounds like a truly inspiring person, what a very sad loss.

Remember to look after yourself sweetheart.

Sending you strength for the future, especially tomorrow.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Punching pillows can be a reasonable substitute for screaming
xxx

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Metallic put a pillow or cushion (or two) to your face and scream. Scream and scream and scream. Until you can't scream anymore.

What has happened to you needs an outlet. Get it out.

[MetallicHighlights]

Some of his friends are coming to drive us over there tomorrow. My dad is doing the formal identifying thing. I've packed some bags but think we might be wearing some very random clothes for the next few days. Also packed DS's birthday toys - my attempts at assembling Lego / Playmobil this evening were quite frankly pathetic, so hoping to rope some of Jon's mates into doing some building work.

[AdoraBell]

So very sorry for your loss

[MetallicHighlights]

Punching pillows (and feeling slightly about the amount of dust).

for being here.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Don't try to maintain your normal standards.

At this stage managing to put one foot in front of the other and still keep breathing is enough.

It sounds like you have lots of support, let people help, it will help them if you do.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

Fuck the dust love, punch away if it helps.

[passedgo]

I'm so sorry. I lost two brothers last year and the year before, one was a gardener as well. There were hundreds at the funerals. Get a very big church and lots of protein for the buffet afterwards. Gardeners eat a lot! Sorry but it gets worse, not better. I am nowhere near my way out of this darkness. Take care of yourself and your family.

X

[DioneTheDiabolist]

You have done so well today Metallic. Your DS will thank you in the years to come. But do not minimize your loss.

It is not fair, it is not good.

What do you want to do right now?

[perfectstorm]

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.

[MetallicHighlights]

Passedgo, I'm sorry for your losses . Eating a lot sounds very familiar!

Right now I would really like to sleep but don't think that is going to happen. And I've also realised that I'm pretty hungry as I haven't been able to eat all day. So will go down
and see if I can find anything more appetising than Jake and the Neverland Pirates birthday cake to eat.

My eyes are so puffy, they really hurt.

[IThoughtThat]

What a terrible and shocking thing to have happened. I am so sorry for you and all your family and friends.

[Iateallthejaffacakes]

So very sorry indeed. What a great thing you have done for you DS today. Wishing you lots of strength for tomorrow and the days ahead.

[EvaLongoria]

I am so very sorry for your loss. No words can ease the pain
Sure to lose your brother in such a horrible way. But as previous advice : one day at a time. I lost my brother almost 9 years ago a day after he was diagnosed with leukemia. I was 10000's of miles away from home. Only left the country a week before. Almost 9 years later and it does get easier. But small things make me burst into tears now. But I can say I can talk about him and what he likes and disliked without crying today and suddenly tomorrow his favourite band will play and I don't know how to console myself.

Worse part of all of his lost. He left 2 beautiful daughters behind who was only 2 months old and 2 years. And it's up to us to keep his memory alive. I have 2 myself and my now 6 year old never met him but she knows a lot about him since she was little.
I am keeping you in my prayers and only time can ease the pain. Xx

[MetallicHighlights]

Thank you. So many people with sad stories, so many gone too soon.

[ThePigOfHappiness]

I'm so sorry to hear this.
My lovely bil was killed 6 years ago in a similar way. There's nothing that makes it any better. The shock fades with time though.
Be kind to yourselves.