Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My brother was murdered last night.

342 replies

MetallicHighlights · 04/12/2013 21:17

That's it, really. He was stabbed to death on his doorstep. Just been staring at the photo of his house with the forensic tent outside on the BBC website.

I've been spamming FB with maudlin photos but reckon my friends there have probably had enough by now, so have come here to rant instead.

DD (14) adored him. She is being very brave. DS doesn't know yet as it's his 5th birthday today and I wanted him to have one more day of fun before he learns that life is shit.

So how do we get through this?

OP posts:
Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 07/12/2013 15:15

We've done Castle Acre a time or two en route to visiting family in Norfolk, and yes, it was one he was fond of. Reenactment days often a source of ranting though, unless entirely historically correct!

Today we are mainly just tired, I think. We were told this morning that someone has been charged and wrote a tribute to Jon for a press release, which was hard as summing him up in one paragraph was impossible. My dad posted his own tribute on FB which nearly killed me. Kids tired and whingy, and DD has lost her phone somewhere in the house.

A vicar is coming round later to discuss his funeral.

OP posts:
Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 07/12/2013 15:18

Post too soon!

Jon was an atheist so we were going to avoid the church option, but there aren't any other suitable venues large enough. We had a bit of a debate about it last night, but as one of his friends said, "Why miss out on the opportunity to wind him up one last time?" Grin

OP posts:
Back2Two · 07/12/2013 15:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

JugglingUnwiselyWithBaubles · 07/12/2013 15:45

Actually we might go to Castle Rising as it's a bit nearer to us - have looked at both websites (Castle Acre looks great too). I think it was Castle Rising we drove past once when they were advertising a special event day - also on our way to the Norfolk coast.
Anyway your brother has inspired us to visit more castles as it's not something we've done much so far, and I think ds(12) and dd too would love it. So thanks to Uncle Jon for that Thanks We will think of him when we're there - especially if there are any holes to crawl through - I'd love to visit Beeston Castle too as my Grandpa grew up in Beeston.

And good luck with the vicar later tonight x

ZingSweetPea · 07/12/2013 15:47
Grin

why not indeed!

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 07/12/2013 23:13

Castle Rising will do - we like that one too!

Mum and dad talked to the vicar in the end, as my cousin and his family drove up from Dahn Sarf for the day just to be here. Apparently as long as we have a few set words at the beginning and end we can do what we want in the middle, and they are able to show slide shows and films so those of us who don't trust ourselves to be able to speak on the day can still pay a tribute.

Back home tomorrow, kids in school Monday. I know it's really selfish but I'm looking forward to some space to grieve for myself. There's been no time to think for the last few days. I'd quite like to have a good bawl without having to prop up someone else. Or pausing to build a Lego castle. Or flower arranging, or answering the phone...

OP posts:
ZingSweetPea · 08/12/2013 00:37

that's not selfish. you need time to grieve on your own and your way.

IamtheZombie · 08/12/2013 00:48

Keep a tight hold of Zombie's hand, Metallic. You will get through this.

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 08/12/2013 08:09
Thanks
OP posts:
Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 08/12/2013 10:58

Metallic - I completely understand your feelings re. your tidied desk - I'd be the same! My colleagues would never have dared though...

I like the idea of being able to video your tribute prior to the day and then show it at the funeral - what an excellent plan! I would need to do that, I think.

And yes, space to grieve for yourself is very important. Lock yourself in the loo - I used to find that quite a useful place for letting it all out, iyswim.

(((hugs)))

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 08/12/2013 22:00

Just uploading a video clip of Jon, dressed head to toe as 1920s mountaineer George Mallory, singing "Whispering Grass" at a concert to fundraise for the lifeboat museum where he was one of the trustees. Which, for Jon, was quite normal.

Breaking my heart to watch it now.

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 08/12/2013 22:43

Oh Matallic, I'm so sorry.

It must be so bittersweet to see videos and photos of h So painful to watch yet you can see why you loved him and what a fantastic man he was.

ExcuseTypos · 08/12/2013 22:45

Sorry I'm on my phone.

I meant 'photos of Jon' x

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 09/12/2013 03:04

Can't say it any better than ExcuseTypos.

Thanks
ZingSweetPea · 09/12/2013 16:21

how are you today? did you manage some time for yourself?

I sent you a PM.

PacificDogwood · 09/12/2013 16:34

Matallic, I hope you had a bit of peace and quiet today to catch your breath, mourn your wonderful brother in your own way and gather some strength.
Thanks

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 09/12/2013 18:11

Zing, have replied. Thanks

Not much rest time today - have been in work all day after taking kids to school. I wanted to get it over with before too long, and have ended up with an enormous basket of goodies brought in by my colleagues - I feel like Red Riding Hood! Am being covered for the time being so I can wander in and out if I feel like it.

Small boy was fine at school. As we were leaving the house we saw a cross in the sky where two aeroplane vapour trails had crossed. I suggested it was Uncle Jon sending him a kiss from the sky, and his little face lit up like a beacon. Haven't picked DD up yet - she is rehearsing for a show - but the lady I left her with this morning was absolutely lovely and was looking after her brilliantly.

There's a tribute in the local paper today. More tissues needed.

OP posts:
ZombieFromTheRealmOfGory · 09/12/2013 18:23

Zombie is still with you, Metallic. She wishes she could read that tribute. She'd also like to see the video clip. Jon certainly sounds amazing. ((((( Metallic )))))

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 09/12/2013 18:52

If I tell you that "Our Jon was a genuine one-off" you will know more about him. Wink

Thank you for the zombie hugs. Thanks

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 09/12/2013 21:00

Aw, Metallic, that's a lovely tribute to a lovely, generous, fun man.
I can get a glimpse of the sense of loss you must all feel Sad. It is just so unfair.

Keep breathing, sleeping and eating when you can. It is lovely to read that your whole family seems to be v close to each and that you are able to support each other x.

ParcelFancy · 09/12/2013 21:10

More Thanks, just to say still thinking of you all today.

ParcelFancy · 09/12/2013 21:17

Just read today's bit in your local paper. You've all done him proud.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 09/12/2013 21:22

That is a lovely tribute in the paper, Metallic. (((hugs))) still.

expatinscotland · 09/12/2013 21:33

I'm so very sorry, Metallic.

Original poster
MetallicHighlights · 09/12/2013 21:57

Thank you, especially expat - I still think of you and your daughter often, especially when "Call Me Maybe" is played. She truly did touch many lives, just as I hope Jon is doing now. Flowers

We did try to do him proud. I think it's up to 197 shares now, so a lot of people are thinking of him.

Sleep well, little brother x

OP posts: