Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

I have been out to my neighbouring town today and bought two lovely things for the graves one is a book with a little robin on and a verse for my mum and the other is a heart for my sister with a lovely verse. Will put the on m profile later. Can't put them on the thread because I don't think you can take them off again.

My mums verse

Special Mum

Carollers sing and bells wil chime
Once again it's Christmas time
It makes us sad that your not here
To share with us our Christmas cheer

My sisters verse

Special sister

Smiles can hide sadness,tears can be wiped away
But the pain of losing you will never go away

I will now try and put pics on profile but somehow they are always upside down so you will have to turn them round !!

For some reason I can only put one at a time on as the second one knocks off the first one so will put my sisters on in a few days .mums is there though I think

mummylin, I love that book with the robin, I'd love to get something like that.the verses are lovely too, very poignant.

supermario, I'm sorry you are so full of the cold, I've managed to avoid it but I'll probably get it as everyone at work had it. I really hope you feel better soon, I've got your wee robin in my bag, next to my mums keys. thanks again xx

Aw my famous little robins haha, mine is on my tree the lights keep reflecting of its eye and blinding me...

Still full of cold, has been lots of arguing going on here today, have told the kids that it needs to be cut out completely it is three weeks to christmas and it wont have a good effect on the amount of festivites if i have to keep splitting up silly arguments about sod all.

tatty I'm so sorry, what a terrible shock for you, you mustn't blame yourself. When Mum was ill dsis and I went to see her alternate weekends to get her shopping and, if she felt able, to take her out for a meal as she could only get out if we were with her. The weekend before she died was dsis's weekend to go but I was going to see her later in the week to take her for an appointment so she told dsis that she had all she needed till then and not to bother going. Dsis is so upset that she didn't just go but it wouldn't have made any difference. She has nothing to reproach herself for and neither have you.

mummylin your book is lovely.

I hope all the poorly people are beginning to feel a little better.

supermario I have put my robin on my tree and taken a photo, I have put the photo on night owl thread as you can only do that through a chat thread.he is really sweet, thank you once again for a lovely thought , hope you are feeling better

aw mine is also on the tree. I am still poorly but dosing self up. got much to do tomorrow so need to wake up a bit how are you all

Hi, all, can I join you (last place anyone chooses, eh?) but really could do with some support..

basically, am still struggling after losing my dad v unexpectedly

Yes of course you can join in here . I hope it will help you to chat with us. When did you suffer your bereavement ? I too lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly. The shock of it was immense and I'm sure it's the same for you.im sorry you have had to come onto this thread but glad that you have found it. Please feel free to post or ask anything you like kiki

thanks, mummylin, so raw still...hideous, isn't it?

your mum died suddenly too? ,may I ask how long ago? do you ever come to terms? really struggling at the moment but can't see how it can change, really!

Kiki....I am sorry for your loss.
my dad collapsed and died v suddenly whilst we were at a family wedding in July.
Later that same day my mum suffered a stress induced heart attack.
can it ask how long it is since you lost your dad?
This time of year is very hard, of course. I know that I and my whole family are dreading Xmas really, but we are making an effort for the dc and for my dad, who loved this time of year.
I have been ill recently (had an op last week) and I have found I have been very emotional and thinking about my dad a lot whilst I have been in hospital.
I am not sure I can offer you any comfort :( I don't think I will ever "come to terms with it" it will always feel wrong and hideous to me visiting my dads grave...and I am sure we all feel like that.
I will never get over losing my dad. Never. My sis is having counselling and my brother is looking into it. We are all struggling with our loss. My mum has lost part of herself. They were tougher for nearly 50 years.
But for us it's early days and I do hope that the raw pain and grief will ease. I know the longing for him never will :(

It has been two years now kiki the same as badvoc I will never ever get over the shock and will forever miss my mum, but it is true that life does indeed go on, we all get through each day as best as we can although its difficult sometimes especially on special dates in The year . You will feel better eventually, that is to say better than you are now. It's a very gradual process a and something we all sadly have to get through in anyway we can. But one day the sun starts to shine again. Not always for long but it's there and life improves for us all.there is no instant fix and we are not all the same , it affects us all differently but as you will see in this thread , we all have similar feelings. Questions, problems and it has really helped us all to be able to chat with like minded people . RL is not easy at this time as some people seem to think that after a very short time bereaved people suddenly go back to being "Normal" just a the very time we can all do with the support. You don't say if you have any RL support. I hope you have but we will all be here to help you get through .If you need a rant about someone / something you can do that here too.

I agree totally with badvoc there. I dont think you ever get over the loss,its something that lives within you all the time, nothing changes. The raw feeling easies but then desperate longing takes its place. I'm sorry kiki, I can't offer any hope things improve but we can hold your hand here and sympathise cos we;re all feeling the same. I had bereavement counselling through cruse, just 3 sessions and it dealt with my feeling about my siblings after mum died, not the actual death itself, I dont find anything can bring me comfort over that. But our parents wouldnt want us to be sad and we must try to carry on as best we can without them here. I've got a great (if madly annoying) dh and 2 lovely kids and I'm grateful for that. But the loss of my parents is a hurt I'll have forever.

I'm sorry I'm not more positive.

sorry to see that you have joined us and are struggling. I don't think things do get better so to speak but they do get easier to deal with . some days I can still be pretty miserable and not do so well other days I do okay small things tip it over.

I have a question, mums grave is a woodland area so only woodland things can be planted but flowers of any kind can be laid. no candles figures windmills ect. but my nan has bought a wreath abd apparently it can't go on does this sound about right? to me a wreath is flowers it's all v confusing and my nan is pretty upset

Is it maybe because there is a frame of sorts under the flowers that won't just break down, I can't see any other reason for this to be dis allowed. Your poor nan . All she wants to do is put a tribute for her daughter. I'm not really sure what you can do about this. I will have a little think or someone else may have a suggestion . We are al on here very early today. I was rudely awakened by the house phone ringing.

thank you so much, everyone

it's been two months (

feels like it's getting worse instead of easing at all

decided this morning that I must stop drinking but then part of me then thinks, what's the point in worrying about anything like that..?

just awful. and so true how in RL people just think you should be 'over' it and just disappear

I also can't help feeling bitter at the lack of support from people I thought were friends (

badvoc, it's the hideous hideous shock just doesn't fade, does it? just terrible

also, wanted to ask, is there any point going to gp or having counselling? I mean, do they help? I don't see how anything can help the pain...

Some people have been to have some counselling from cruse. Maybe its something you would like go do. But it wasnt what I wanted for myself . I have been happy enough talking to others on here and sharing my thoughts. and feelings to find that most of us feel the same . You are still in the early days of your grief and I do think that for awhile things do get worse.i think this is because each day that goes by takes us further away from when we last saw our loved ones .
It is often a sad and lonely path we have to go through as a lot of RL support drops off quite quickly.
You are still in severe shock and this takes a time to go, I used to have a real physical ache in my heart to start with
Unexpected or expected it is the most traumatic time to go through.
Keep posting kiki we will help you

kiki, the lack of support is the thing thats done me in, not so much friends but my siblings couldnt have been there less for me and I'll never get over that. also a cousin has been the same.

You wonder how life can go on. But it does but its very different from what it was. We can appear to be happy but inside we ache for the ones we have lost. I think that once we learn to accept they have gone maybe it will get better, I don't know I still can't accept it yet. I still am not at the point where mum is not on my mind. I still ask why did it happen, she wasnt even ill , only on that day. Why didnt they do more to save her, was she scared, this haunts me.

ssd you have been treated appallingly and like you I would not forgive. Leaving you to do everything was awful.

Kiki two months is still very early days. My GP said that counselling is often more useful after about six months although if you don't have much RL support you may need someone to talk to. I lost my Mum 17 months ago (my father died when I was quite young) and have just started CBT but that's to do with work problems as well. I found things do get worse before they get better. I have a lot of days now when I enjoy remembering all the great times we had and feel hopeful for the future although I do have teary days when I miss her so much. It would be worth a chat with your GP.

Badvoc I hope both you and your wee one are feeling better.