Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Hi lollie. So sorry to hear of your loss. So hard isn't it. Feeling for you, come and speak to us anytime. I know what you mean. When I lost my nan it hit me so hard. I was very close to her still like to think I am. I'm sure she's with me.
Take each day slowly and focas only on important things.
Lots of love to you xx

Thank you both

I'll never forget the morning when mum told me he'd slipped away in the night, with my gran holding his hand (he was in hospital and had been for a while) and I had a cry on my bed. Then I went into the bathroom where mum was and she said, "You OK?" I just sobbed that I wasn't, and she said, "You will be."

She's right - I'm not 100% OK, but I'm better than I was that day. I think about him all the time and talk to him sometimes :)

Sorry for your loss lollipop I did not reply personally to you on my other thread as I misread that it was so recent. {{{hugs}}} for you. I hope there is some comfort and release available to you now. I my experience, I lost Dad 3 years ago, there is a certain stillness and numbness that comes with bereavement, you will go through all sorts of emotions in the next few weeks. The anger was the most surprising in my case.

I will be joining you all soon.

That's OK Downton (((hugs))) to you at this hard time x

lolli I think you can see your love for him I'm your posts, I am very close to my grandparents and will feel the same. anyone is welcome here.

downton I have commented on your thread a few days ago but I am still thinking of you having been in the same position end of 2012, it is unbelievable just how much it hurts

everyone else, sorry I disappeared after being so needy, ds came down with a bug and has been super poorly. spent all last night sleeping in an arm chair because he was on sofa having thrown up over his bed/floor. am falling asleep today. .. how is everyone

downton I too have been reading your thread although I haven't posted on it. You have my upmost sympathy for what you are going through and hope that Brenda will have a peaceful passing. What a terribly sad time you are coping with. Here when you need us.

Hello Downton

It was my Birthday yesterday and I saw your thread in Chat. It reminded me of when my mum passed at the end of November last year, the way you describe thinking that she'd gone and then not..... that was us also. Welcome to a wonderful place of support, solace and complete understanding, I'd be lost without these wonderful people who are looking after me

Hi Lollipop Sorry to hear about your Grandad.

ImNot - I meant 'YOUR' mum's funeral yesterday in my post to you, not our sorry xxx And also that it's almost like when one life comes into the world, one leaves, someone celebrates a Birthday, someone attends a funeral of a dear loved on..... the circle of life x

hi downton, I read your thread, esp the bit about the birds with the orange breasts, I thought they might be robins?, if you scroll back a bit here you'll see how much we all have in common with robins, they are very significant to a lot of us.....and I believe, for you, that was a sign xxx

Yes, circle of life rings true to me. My cousin is expecting her first baby, a little boy, any day now. One person has left our family, another will soon be joining us.

So, as you all know, it was my Birthday yesterday and as hard as it was not to have my usual call from my Mum and her text.

Dad called me last night and I had a cry, it was lovely. This is the first time he has had to buy me a Birthday card. I want to share it with you if I may because it enveloped my heart and I could almost feel the words holding me gently, I could hear him speaking them to me..... and my Mum was here so much yesterday.

He bought me the perfume that my Mum always bought me too, he remembered! And gave me some money for some spa time :)

Here is what the card said -

There's special place in my heart just for you and the wide eyed little girl you were...

...a place that's filled with smiles and laughter and love that have always been a part of you...

...and your Birthday brings back memories of your growing up years - the fun times, warm moments...

...the unique experiences that have helped shape the wonderful person that you are today...

When I think of all the happiness you've brought...

...and the gift that you are to my life, I feel very thankful for you - my wonderful daughter.

For the sweet girl you were, and the confident, beautiful woman you've become, know that on your birthday and always, you are so very deeply loved.

The card says everything that I feel and more, with all my love, Dad xxx

As you can imagine, I found I had lots of dust in my eyes when I read that! My real father didn't bother sending me a card, text, message on FB, nothing. Anyone can create a life, but it takes unconditional love, commitment, dedication, patience and appreciation of the precious gift you have to be a real parent, and that is why he will always, always be my Dad.

I love him so much, I don't think he'll ever know quite how much I appreciate all that he has done for me. :)

I hope you are all as well as you can be tonight. Much love to those of you who are not feeling so good, I don't mean good but can't think of a better way to put it...... please just know that I'm thinking of you all.

Mouse xxx

Aaah Mouse that's lovely :)

I think my mum is struggling a bit, but trying not to show it :( She's got some holiday from work in 15 days and was saying on FB to her friends she's not sure the break will do her good :(

I want to take her out for the day - somewhere we can get to easily by train or bus or something. I was thinking Manchester but we've done the Arndale and the Trafford Centre, so need to think of somewhere she'd enjoy, then maybe lunch in a nice place - somewhere we don't go normally, like Hard Rock Cafe or something like that?

Hi mouseface, that's lovely about your dad (and I realised what you meant in your earlier message, despite the typo, so don't worry). It had already occurred to me there are lots of little things my dad will do for the first time now and your birthday card is a good example. My dad is very capable, but naturally there were certain things mum was in the habit of doing. I'm glad your birthday had some nice moments, despite your mum's absence.

downton I saw your other thread and am thinking of you. I lost my mum quite suddenly a few weeks ago. I think it's great you've been able to tell your mum how much you love her before the end, but I know it must be a very difficult time x

biscuits, sorry just seen you had replied to me and what you said, yes it is strange to have lost both parents, strange, horrible and empty...and I've found out how distant I am to my much older siblings, its like we were 2 separate families, I dont/didnt share mum with them, it was all from a distance with them, I hope you have siblings who have shared it with you and you dont feel like the past is over..x

your card is beautiful and very true I think, it must be so strange for our parents to have watched us begin our own adult lives and such a proud moment too to be able to say they were the making of the people we are today.I often wonder how you are all getting on especially those who aren't especially close to their family, I am lucky in that respect. I wonder if you feel like me that since losing your parents (s) do you have less time and effort for people but still feel desperately lonely. you are my lifeline where I say things other people would not be able to answer or even hear. I have been feeling really sad lately, missing mum so much and all of the things she will miss out on. I will never know what kind of old woman my mum would of been, never have the joy of her being at my wedding or seeing any future grandchildren not that I am planning any. she never saw me get a job that I love, buy my own house or learn to drive. so much time, if I live even twenty two years more I will be older than her, that seems surreal to me. I wonder what kind of old woman she would of been, would she have gone to clubs, knitted clothes, would she swear as much as she used too and have the same wicked sense of humour. I am over thinking tonight as you can tell. thinking of you all. and my beautiful mum forever 45

Urgh another sleepless night :(

I miss her. I bloody miss her. I want to ring her up and tell her what her gorgeous granddaughter has been doing today. She's so close to crawling now and her first tooth has come through! And today she ate a whole omelette all by herself for lunch, I never knew a 7 month old could do that before I became a mum, its amazing! But I can't tell my mum about any of this, can't share my excitement with her. Oh my god I miss her so much.

imnotcute glad the funeral went well. I remember dreading the day and when it came I just somehow got through it, it was a surreal day and I can only remember snippets of it to be honest.

mouse that is so lovely with the birthday card, i had a little dust in my eye too! My dad has struggled with birthdays and christmases since losing mum but he always gets a nice card. He gives up when it comes to presents though and gives us some money, partly my fault as I never say anything I want in particular but I always think surely if he really thought about it he'd think of something but I guess mum always did that stuff!

downton I have just seen your thread this evening, so sorry you are going through this, wishing you all the strength you need, you must be exhausted. Look after yourself.

Well I suppose I should try and sleep, look at the bloody time! Had so many nights like this lately. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard all of a sudden, its six years. But it suddenly it feels so surreal again. She should be here :(

Love to all, night xx

I'm not - I'm glad the funeral went the best it could I know exactly what you meant and really could relate. Sending you a big hug. I know it's still very raw for you.

Mouse - happy belated birthday! and what lovely words in your card. It's got a tiny bit easier but cards without my mum killed me. My dad puts a big kiss seperate to his. Has also put and I love you too.

Sm and anyone I know it's so crap with out them to talk to and all the things that meant something to them and you or together. I try and keep them traditions up as it makes me feel closer to her I believe she is around me anyway do things you know they would love you to do for the children and yourself I makes me feel like I'm keeping her memory alive. But hey I also know that void without them is huge some days!!

Ill be back in a bit but thinking of all of you on the thread and who just may be reading. (((( hugs )))) x

Mouse face - what a beautiful card from your lovely dad.

Well yesterday was the 15th - exactly 5 months since I lost my clever, funny, beautiful big sister. I am so so sad. One of my friends shared a thing on FB a couple of days ago - it was all about how your sister is the one person you can rely on and will always be there for you [I used to think this) . It breaks my heart that she is gone and has missed such a big chunk of her life but I try to focus on how much she did achieve in her lifetime - 2 gorgeous sons (now grown up, thankfully), a brilliant career and a happy marriage - some people are not so lucky.

Sorry, I know this thread is about loss of a parent but as I am also parent less, I hope you will indulge me when I talk about my sister.

Cold tea - maybe you are feeling the loss of your mum more acutely at the moment because you are now a mum yourself? My mum died when DD was 18 months old and I was pg with DS. It wasn't until I became a mum that I fully realised and appreciated everything she had done for me - I never got chance to tell her but hope with all my heart that she knew.

shallwe it is lovely to hear the way you talk about your sister. I'm sorry you didn't get to keep her with you for longer

Thanks supermario.

Hope you are all getting on as best as you can and have at least some little nice thing lined up for the weekend , even if its only a cream cake.
Have a few things going on at the moment , some good and some bad potentially. My back is now recovered but have a filthy cold instead ! Thinking of you all

I just found my memory card with lots of pictures of the lovely flowers and cards we received - tributes to a great man. I went round one day taking pictures of them all, so I could share on FB with friends and family who couldn't attend the funeral.

I've only just posted them. It wasn't my intention to wait this long, but it didn't feel right before now.

Also just reached out to a friend through FB who I haven't seen in ages. He's aware of my granddad's passing, but hadn't been in contact, so I thought I'd set the ball rolling. He replied saying we should meet up soon :)