Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

we should do something to shake it off but I never feel like it once I've got in that mind set. have been to Morrison's , going to bake bannana bread when get home for lunches. had horrible dream last night and so did ds so we both got up at 5am shattered now. what you up too

Well mum is home so back to the usual...:(
Been to make my aunt breakfast, my brother came with us.
Really wish my consultant appt was tonight...

yum, banana bread is lovely! I ended up going to the local shopping centre and then parents night at school, keeping busy helps doesnt it!

badvoc, you have your hands so full, you have my sympathy

All the best for your apt badvoc xx

Thinking of you all on this thread and sending you

I have an issue going on with family at the moment and strangely yesterday i was having patience (gary barlow) ringing round in my head yesterday randomly, to the point i was singing along, then randomly there was a hymn that come in my head. I think someone was telling me to wait and see as i am very close to saying something and it could turn big.

Sorry not posting much, I have hurt my back and can't be bothered to do anything today except have dh wait on me ( makes a change ) hope you are all doing ok and managing to get around despite all this damn rain, when will it ever end !

Sorry to hear about your back Lin! Hope you feel better soon! You take care of yourself!!

Well done hubby though I would at least have the bad back for at least till the weekend x

Just checking in, the few days have been such a blur, I'm struggling a bit so far in 2014

Hope your back gets better soon lin, glad hubby is looking after you.

super I know what you mean about feeling sorry for the man in asda. Since the birth of my DD, there have been a few awkward moments where people who dont really know me have said "your mum and dad must be so proud". Most of the time I don't bother to tell them that mum isnt here anymore as I feel bad about making someone feel embarrassed or awkward.

Well I'm looking forward to January being over. I'm struggling with the whole new year thing. My first full year as a mummy but I'm so sad that my own mum isnt here. She'd of been such a wonderful grandma its my MIL's birthday later this month and sods law its the same day as my mums, what are the chances?! Not sure if theres any plans yet, but it usually involves a family get together. I just don't want to celebrate it, I hope I can get out of it somehow. Roll on febuary.

Can I join?

I lost my mum - gosh, years ago now, 16 years ago, when I was 16. Please feel free to tell me to go elsewhere if this is about more recent losses.

The thing is this: lately, I have been 'grieving' for her. I didn't, at the time - my dad fell to pieces, and my brother was away at university. My childhood vanished and to be honest nothing was ever the same again, in terms of happiness. I have found a sort of happiness of course.

I read over Christmas that grief is like a hole - that we try to fill it but it can't be filled, stuff just piles around the edges. That spoke to me so truly: I won't elaborate just now but that is what I have done.

I don't know if a counsellor would be able to help. So much has happened since but if I untangle it all, if I am honest, I can tie a lot of grief back to that point.

Of course you can join in january you are very welcome and it does sound like you are now going through the grieving process. Perhaps it will help you to chat to us. I am glad to see that you have found some kind of happiness. Maybe at the time of your mums death , you were young and didnt take it all in. Please post whenever you want to, always someone here at some point.

cold have you namechanged ? Its always so sad when grandchildren have been born after their grandmum has gone., my sister had twins after our mum died, the first ever in our family, mum would of been so proud.
How difficult for you to have mil.s birthday on the same day as your mums would of been , that will be difficult and if I were you I would arrange to see your mil the day before so you can spend the actual day with thoughts of your mum. Sorry you are struggling at the moment

Thank you mummy

I know you weren't talking to me but I am so sad that if I have children they will never have a Granny on my side. I feel sad about lots, though x

Well in a way they will know he, you will talk to any children about her and show them lots f photos, that's how they can get to know their nan. And don't forget that any children will also carry genes from your mum so part of her will always be here

That's lovely mummy, thank you :)

Hope we can help you to feel less sad, it's always good to be able to talk through any problems. Don't feel you have to. But we are hear to listen when you are ready to chat to someone. It's good to have somewhere to rant too, as we all do from time to time !

We are now having another deluge of rain ! Hope we don't get another bloody leak ! Still being looked after by my dh. Back still hurting but pain has moved round to other side today. Must remember not to cough whilst sitting on the loo !

I have just found this thread. I have posted occasionally on bereavement but not recently. I lost my mum in 2006, my dad in 2012 and my only sister (and sibling) last August. I have struggled with the New Year as I feel I am leaving my sister behind. Friends think I am coping and generally I think I am but scratch the surface and I am not. I have to keep going for my two children - but I feel so much anger inside me. I scream and shout when I am on my own.

I am not sure about counselling as I do talk to friends about my feelings (DH is useless to talk to about it) but this anger scares me a bit ...

I am just sooo sad.

Hello shallwe what a lot you have had to go through. I understand about your sibling as I too lost a sister. I also understand you not wanting to enter a new year, when you have to say to somone that you lost your sister"last year " it seems so long ago.
For some reason some f our DP / dh have not always been as supportive as they could of been, I don't know why this is , and others have found friends also have chosen to ignore the situation after a while.
There seems to be a general consensus with friends that after a few weeks the bereaved are suddenly "back to normal " of course we will never be as we were before our losses, how can we be. It gets to a stage where you don't like to mention your losses to people as some of them will choose to ignore the situation and change the conversation. And so , where does that leave us ? Heartbroken, unable to discuss things with anyone and building up a whole different range of emotion, sadness, anger, resentment towards others who are seemingly oblivious to our pain. I think what you are feeling is normal.
We have all f us felt some of these emotions. Which s how this thread helps. We all can relate to each other, even though our stories vary. Don't suffer on your own, always someone here to chat and help you through

Thank you mummylin. Your post struck several chords with me. I did break down a shout at DH that he was com

Oops - completely useless when it came to acknowledging what I had been through and he just admitted that he just didn't know what to say/how to act. That admission in itself was helpful and made it easier for me to accept.

The friends thing is odd. I have some fairly new friends who have been outstanding and yet some of my older friends who knew my parents and sister really well, have not bothered to pick up the phone since my sisters funeral. I feel quite let down by them.

Thanks again for your lovely supportive words. I hope I can reciprocate sometime.

sorry to see new people just a quick message to say there is no time limit on grief and we don't turn away everyone is struggling in their own way we just help each other along, also I totally see where you are coming from with saying last year, this is the second year without mum and I feel like she gets further away each day, my dp by all accounts is fab and tries really hard but even he probably doesn't get why I will cry at tv adverts/ music ect. had a panic last night left my grandparents at lunchtime got a phone call from brother at 9 saying he had rung loads and noone answered so at 9pm I cadged a lift there and the house was all dark locked up. they had both gone to bed early as nothing on tv and were tired. was petrified on way that they were hurt

Shall we I am so sorry for your losses, I too have had old time friends not know what to say I guess it is a process which from which I can see I went through. Anger bitterness and like mummylin said we really do find out. I fortunately have 3 friends I'd call my soul mates who really have been there for me and still would be.
I will never be there for the others I've learnt this.
I read that you don't just end up grieving for the person you have lost you grieve for lost friendships too.
But that's ok what I have now for friends I call solid gold

Family I have found to be like this too. But again I won't give those that have been the time of day. Once I realised all this and succumbed to the changes ( not the loss of my mum) I haven't been as angry and I know I was seeing everything to shout at my husband which wasn't helping us although he can be a pia! Lol.
Thinking of you and we are here for you anytime x

I too have been lucky with dh. It got to the point though last year I would cry and he'd be like what's up and the words just wasn't there.
I hate the fact of coming up to another year in April for my mum. Can't believe it's been a whole year without her. I'm going to buy a Yankee candle and name it 2012/2013 and light it when I want to feel close to her and it will signify all the memories of them years. Would rather her be here but it will give me a small comfort.
It has for me got a little easier but my mum was and still is my best friend who I'm sure is still looking out for me and guiding me/ us. She will always be remembered and I will never forget her. But when I think of what I've lost with her it kills me and effects me as a person and I know she's kicked me up the arse many times x

I am so sorry to read of new people here so very sorry for your losses. We are here for you to talk too about anything. We have ranted and raved , dedicated shared stories of our parted loved ones and for me it was a relief to have somewhere to air all that even if we jump in and out sometimes it's good just to have a place to say it with people who understand
Thinking of you all xx

massive argument with dp this morning, am so close to going to stay with my dad until he bucks his ideas up

Sorry to hear this sm. give him the silent treatment. They can be right arses can't they x do u want to talk about it? Here if ya wanna chat x