Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Hello officelady I think we can all relate to your thoughts on having a new year coming which alters the way we speak about our loss. When you then have to say " the year before last" it really highlights that its been a while since we have seen them. The montage of photos sounds lovely, I have had photos up right from the start as the very week mum died my brother gave us all ( siblings) a lovely one in a frame.i always have flowers by this photo.
You will not forget your mum,but personally I know that life will never be the same, I will never feel completely happy again, there is a huge part of me missing.but we can all go on to lead a relatively good life, it's just getting to that point is difficult, I don't think anyone on this thread has reached it just yet.but maybe it's best to take time to recover rather than have it all back again in a couple of years time. I don't know. Everyone is different aren't they.
I hope you can find some lovely photos for your montage, which will bring back many happy memories for you.

Office lady I can really unfortunately nod my head to everything you wrote, i could have wrote that post but my mum was April 2012 a bit before you but never the less still the same. My dad is still with us but he has struggled on and off this year and like you said the emptiness has been so hard for him, his lonliness the last 6 months has been very hard and i have been there so much for him. I also started having pictures on my mums shelf 6 months ago, i would get them out and then put them away as it killed to look at them it still does kill to see them sometimes.
my spiritual belief has helped me somewhat with taking the comfort from her being around us with little things that might appear or things happen or a random white fluffy feather, or song comes on the radio, i have smelt fragrances round me random times and also random coins or ive had a lot of coincidental things happen too, but i can only think this way as i cant imagine her gone for ever. I also totally respect we all dont go down this route but for me its helped me.

I can talk about her and what we did and her special things but i cant think too much , it depends on how im doing.
hugs to you, i really know how your feeling. Pm me anytime, or please come back here and chat to us again, you are not on your own. xx

I miss her unbelievably and like you said office lady my mum would be so much at the centre of Christmas before on it and after leading then to new year! i still tried to do things she would do and love.
i really am hating the fact i cant say next year my mum was around, it kills, what helps me don't know how...doesn't really i guess but i say 2012 i don't say last year.. x

Thinking of you all.
lin - was meant to say very funny the mankini but he didnt look too bad, my god i couldn't imagine my brother in one!

my dad has his op tomorrow for his kidney stone, my god im scared! I just keep thinking my mum didnt come round my dads having a GA what if he doesnt!!! I feel sick constantly, i can safely say im not doing great.

LDL
t I'm sure your dad will be fine but I understand your fear. I have had a lazy day getting free music onto my iPad after my sd told me I could get an app for it, I thought you had to have iTunes but apparently not ! Shows what I know. I hav even put one of my mums fav songs on it.

Sd = dd

Hi all, thanks for thinking of me and I send you all my best wishes too. It's still less than a week since mum died and I realise I'm at the start of a long process. I'm feeling bizarrely calm at the moment but I guess my mood will be up and down quite a bit.

t875 I'll be thinking of you as I'm also having worrying medical stuff with my dad too. He had prostate cancer diagnosed a few days before mum died, this morning I took him for an MRI scan he needs to check how much it has spread. He is hopefully in much better situation than my mum, but it seems like we're under some kind of curse! I am sure your dad will be fine, but I understand your worry.

We are off to undertakers tomorrow, so many decisions to make and it's all new to me and pretty grim. On the plus side it's been great to see lots of people contacting/ visiting dad to support him and say how dearly they loved my mum.

Imnotcute - I will be praying for your dad and hope you get good news. I know how you feel, seems like im back and forth to the hospital all the time the last 6 months.

Lin - Thanks!! Normally im strong but i don't feel all that strong right now.
weve had a quiet day too tidying and chilling, we played rapidough such a good game!!

I am missing my mum so much tonight

Oh friend of dorothy it is raw as hell isn't it, im so sorry just didn't want to leave you on here. Is there anything you can do that you and your mum used to do together? have a you got a special place where you can put special things of your mums. I know its easy for me to say this as i know first hand sometimes it all is too much. Just want to give you a big hug x

FOD it's horrible isn't t, I think it comes in great big waves sometimes and it's hard not to buckle under. Gradually it will get longer times between these sudden bouts and you will start to pick up a bit. It s the most agonising time ever I think , never imagined it would be like this for so long.

Hello everyone, I think I'd like to join this thread, although I'm not really sure what to say or where to start ...6 years since I lost mum but I seem to be struggling more than ever. So much that I can't fix. So much that should of been dealt with by now. No one talks. I'm at a loss as to what to do :( I feel like the weight of the world is on me.

At times I have been a horrible person to be around lately. I'm so angry with how things are after all this time. There's so much to write, maybe I can talk about it over time to you? I'm too drained right now, I should of been asleep hours ago, my DP held me in his arms for a while but I wanted him to sleep because I knew I wouldn't be able to, there's no point in us both being tired tomorrow, we have a 6 month old and have yet more visiting and socialising to do tomorrow and up until new years day. The worst time of year for me and always the busiest.

ImNotCute my thoughts are with you tonight, my mum died on Christmas Eve, I know how hard it is to be dealing with this around christmas. It feels surreal, everywhere you go you see people enjoying the festivities, you want to scream "my mum just died!" It's like you're looking in on another world.
I hope it goes ok with the undertakers, they are very good at making it as easy as possible for you in my experience. Keeping my fingers crossed for your dad too.

t875 all the best for your dads op, it's understandable to feel so worried, I hope it all goes smoothly.

FriendofDorothy hope you are ok, sometimes it's just so overwhelming but I find I'm better if I just let myself go with it instead of fighting the emotions if that makes sense.

My eyes are so sore and tired, I really need to try and get some sleep I suppose. Wish I could flip a switch to stop myself thinking and just sleep!

coldtea welcome to,this thread. I a, sorry that you have to be here , but glad you found us. I would think you are sleeping now hopefully. You will get as much support on here as we can give, I hope it will help you. Perhaps we will catch up tomorrow or whenever it's possible for you to come here

Hello coldtea, thanks for thinking of me and I'm sorry you lost your mum this time of year too. My mum died at around 11pm on the 23rd and on Xmas eve I saw her body in the chapel of rest. As you say there's a huge disconnect between what we're experiencing and everybody else's festivities.

Although we're still at a very early stage my sister and I have already worried about how we will get through future christmases. It must be tough that it's always the anniversary of losing your mum too, so I can see how it could still be difficult 6 years on. Would you consider some form of counselling to deal with all the stuff you say is still unsaid? I really believe it helps to talk.

Tough day ahead here, but hopefully making some of the decisions and arrangements gives us all something practical to focus on.

Don't forget everyone we are going to keep ssd company tomorrow night so she finds it less difficult. Hope you will be able to join us. It will be a tough night for everyone as we enter a new year without our loved ones.

I'm doing bugger all tomorrow night sitting up with ds as he wants to stay up so will be around for witty banter I've got tropical sours, cherry sours. raspberry sours with much lemonade and Malibu so my witty banter might not make sense but I'll be here! and I've got a shiny new pc to type on as well

I had a new PC last year and I hated it, it's windows eight and I can't get to grips with it at all. It has been neglected and I have gone back to using my old one and my iPad ! That was a lovely gift for you though a

yep it's windows 8, it's a learning curve! some was with Christmas money then we put the rest to it. it is much needed my laptop is so old now, I do surveys and test products for companies so need the computer as most of these things won't load on tablet. how have the few days after Christmas been x

thanks mummylin, to remember me, everyone is welcome to our online party!!! xx

Awwww ladies, I can't join you tomorrow, as we have some friends coming round for food and drinks, but I will raise a glass to you all; to thank you for your support this year, and to wish that 2014 brings you moments of peace in which you can remember your loved ones with a smile. I wish that for all of us. xxx

ImNot I totally understand what you mean about everyone enjoying themselves and being so sad with grief.

For me it was Dec 1999 and it seemed that the whole world was celebrating (the millenium) except me. My Dad died suddenly and I was devastated.

Even writing it down, its still shocking - I cannot believe it has been 14 years ...... sadly I lost my Mom a few months later too.

Hope your Dad is OK and you are too. Keep strong and take one day at a time. Let the tears flow, it does help.

I just want rid of this empty feeling, I've had it for years, every since I knew I was slowly losing mum, when she was getting old and dependant on me. I've not had my mum being my mum for years. And now shes gone thats it all gone. Its not a relief or anything, its just a never ending loneliness and I hate it. Having dh and the dc's dont make up for it, I just want some family back but its gone forever. How do you ever get used to this? I pine for my old family, my mum and dad and the days I thought my siblings would be my siblings. But its all gone now. I dont go around sad and heartbroken, I smile and laugh and enjoy things, but the emptiness where a family should be is always there and I notice it everywhere, I dont know anyone else who's lost their blood family in this way and its the last thng I thought would happen, although we dont know how these things will go, I always feel so downtrodden and its the lack of family thats done it for me. I was thinking at the weekend, your family makes or breaks you and I feel a bit broken by mine. And I didnt deserve it, I was the only one who bothered with mum and I'm the only one hurting, its not fair but life just seems to favour the selfish.

I wont be around tomorrow night but ill be thinking of you all and when if all calms down at 12 i will try and get on.

my dads op went ok my god i was scared for him to be out of it and tender hooks. He is uncomfortable though, he nearly had the op cancelled because of lack of beds, but because my dad is on warfarin he has been having fragmin to get his levels right we made a fuss a bit and luckily the appointment stayed.

ssd (((big hugs to you hun))) they don't deserve to have you as their family, you are a very special person and they have missed out loads they will learn this, i think next year

I haven't had a chance to get back and look at the messages but im thinking of you all. I have had a very emotional day, praying to my mum, knowing im sure she was with us, and missing her like mad i feel so on my own going with these things with my dad and he was emotional at times.

glad your dads op went okay and that he can now get some rest. am glad you can now relax a little too. sorry I've not been around much been so busy everyone is off tonight working or asleep and have been going through my memory box and all mums stuff I miss her so much x

I am SO SORRY not to read back but I don't want 2014 to come. I can't let go.

DH is lost, he has no idea what to do with me, how to talk to me, what to say, he thinks I'm shutting him out but I'm not. I can't tell him how I feel because I don't bloody know!! I'm confused, lost, sad, hurting, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I want this to stop. Please, please tell me it will stop. The not knowing how you are supposed to feel.

I am so so so sad.

Tears a plenty.

My heart hurts, my head, my bones ache, my skin, my eyes burn. I need to sleep. I want to sleep. I want to let the pain go. I need to let DH help but he gets cross with me, frustrated, he's gone to bed, his parents will be here again in hours and I'm so looking forward to a hug from my MIL. She has so much on and her own health issues, a brain aneurysm to deal with..... I love her so much.

I've not spoke to dad and my sisters or bro for a while, I'm scared that I won't be able to talk........

I will call them all. I promise.

I better go to bed. It's late and Nemo is NOT sleeping well so I have to get my Night Shift head on.

I'm sorry not to give any support to you all. I wish I could but I'm not there yet.

I will get there. I will help you all, support you in return.

I'm sorry. So sorry xxx

Hi mouseface, sorry to hear you're struggling. I read your very moving account of losing your mum when you first posted it. At the time my own mum was unwell but I had no idea I'd be losing her too within weeks.

I'm even earlier on this journey than you are so I don't feel I have any particular words of wisdom to share, but just wanted to say I hear you and acknowledge how terribly, terribly tough it is.

I don't know how I will find the weeks, months, years ahead without mum but I'm sure there will be times when it feels unbearable. One thing that helps me so far is knowing what a strong person mum was, I am very much my mothers daughter- she has done such a good job of raising me that it hopefully equips me to carry on without her, although I will miss her terribly.

I hope you managed to get a reasonable amount of sleep, take care x