Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Mouseface, biggest hugs. I used to chat to you a bit under another name, will pm you. going through same hideous hideous shit. big xxxxx

Are you ok waydown?

Mouse your mum knows!! She is with you doesn't spook me atall. I had to have some spiritual side if things to let me know my mum was at peace and ok. We don't all believe it and I respect people that don't. But I needed that side if things personally as I hated the fact if her just gone forever and not knowing if she is ok. Part I believe it as heard a lot of things and also have had signs and messages and coincidences to give me indication she is looking out for me.

What you are going through is horrendously normal. It's shock despair disbelief and I remember this.
I felt absolutely suffocated after losing my mum felt sick and started to get panic attacks.
Please if you struggle bad please call CRUSE generic helpline which is 24 hours or the Samaritans. We are here for you and you are not on your own. This is the horrendous stage but as mummylin said it gets a lil easier as time goes on. We ate right by your side ((( hugs)))

Mummylin - nice touch from your brother! Mine can stay abroad right now!
Ssd thanks about my dad. Yeah think he will prob go Down the route of sheltered accommodation. He's joined a few clubs but he struggles bad. I'm there.
Hope your feeling a little better today Hun xx

Cruse isn't 24 hrs as Christmas but I'm sure Samaritans are.
www.cruse.org.uk/about-grief/christmas

Hopefully the link works xx

My DS is so upset he talks about how much he loved my mum and how sad he is that he hardly saw her in the last few years because we moved away, we used to live very close by. This made me feel really guilty my mum was devastated that we moved away. Then he talked about his friend who's just died in an accident, he keeps crying. I just don't know what to say to him. We looked at the lovely things written about the boy on his schools website and other places on line, there's lots of stuff, we looked at some photos of my mum and I now have her furniture he talked about what bits he wanted in his bedroom. I think seeing her furniture and belonging brought everything back they were delivered yesterday and he would have last seen them last year when we popped in on our way to a port. He has no enthusiasm for Xmas which I understand I've asked him what he wants and he doesn't really care.

I lost my mum on christmas eve 2005 when I was 13yo. I cry myself to sleep every year of her anniversary because I really need her right now. Most of her side of the family have backed off over the years yet I'm still putting in the effort to contact them. They don't even call or text anymore on christmas eve. The crem where my mum is is out of London so I only get to visit once a year if I'm lucky. I light a candle every christmas eve for her it just helps ease things. I'm gonna make sure my dd knows all about her angel nanny when she's old enough to understand :)

noname Christmas is such a trying time even without a bereavement. It's only a few months since you lost your mum and understandably this is one of the worst times for us to miss the ones we loved and lost. For your DS he has had the awful shock often of his friends dying, it's a lot to cope withams for his friend to die in an accident must of been such a shock.you can only be there for him if he wants to talk about it. Maybe the school can arrange someone to counsel him. You have has to sell property etc and have had a trying time.
rachel what an awful time of the year to lose your mum. I would imagine you go everything all over again. And it must be so painful to see all the families out with their mums.it does seem that others appear to have short memories. They dont realise that it hurts. What a young age you were to have to go through that at what should be such a happy time.

Am going off line over Xmas - just popping on to wish you all a peaceful and loving Xmas and a happy and health 2014 xxxx

And the same to you badvoc and I certainly hope for a Much better year for you. Take deep breaths and get through the day. We are here if you need us.

To everyone who has posted on this thread, I wish you all a happy Xmas and a brighter new year. Thankyou so much for your company on this long road, you have all made it so much more bearable, I don't know what I would of done without you all

mummylin, the exact same to you!
and to you badvoc, and to everyone else here, although I'll still be posting here! xx

So will I ssd !

Same here to you all on the thread. Dont know what I would have done over this very hard windey road

Side note b and q are doing miniature trees (well were at our local one) they were £5 and we got the children one each and a box of decs which they split between each other.

watched a Christmas film had some right ol chokey moments today, for gods sake, and shake my head, i miss that lady my mother Christmas immensely!!! Hate it! But ya carry on keeping going.

Thinking of everyone on the thread, hope you are going along the best you can xx

Forgot to say Hope you all have a good Christmas although i can imagine same for me will be hard at times xx

My Mum died this summer. She was very elderly, she had a progressive illness, her last couple of months were awful. She'd had a good life (from a bad start). Her death was peaceful and right.

We never had the mother/daughter relationship I craved, and I felt judged and small, and I lived in the shadow of her expectations.

But I loved her, and she loved me, and as I prepare for Christmas I am torn apart at the hole that has been left in my life. I am shaking at the thought of sitting down to lunch with an 'empty space' at the table.

This year there will be less eye-rolling at her comments, there will be less feeling of 'not being good enough', we will all be able to relax without the caring responsibilities we had last year.

There will be less conflict. But none of the sparkly lights of Christmas have excited me this year, none of the preparations have made me look forward to the 25th, and I feel empty and hollow.

Mum, I miss you xx

venus I think there will be quite a few of us feeling the same as you Missing someone at the table. I think it's one of the worst times of the year when you have lost someone. You said you and your mum loved each other. That's all you need. I am sorry for your loss, it will be difficult getting through the first Christmas, but as you say , you will be able to relax.We owe it go our lost mum /dad to carry on and make the best life we can. Although its not always easy. Please post at any time if you feel the need

FOR MY MUM

mum another Christmas without you, how is that possible. I am trying so hard to get on with my life but without you, life has lost a lot of meaning for me. You were always there for all of us and I miss you so much.we didn't get to say goodbye as you left us so unexpectedly and I will never recover from that.
I have kept up your tradition of making the mince pies for everyone but I never did get the recipe for your lovely fruit cakes you used to make for us all.
As this Christmas is nearly on us, you are in the forefront of my mind, I love and miss you and will forever more. Until we are reunited I remain your loving daughter, your broken hearted Lin xxx

that's lovely Linn, think it sums up how it feels now just getting on but nothing being the same.

ds is being a gigantic pain in the arse today answering back and being daftm wanted to take him out for hot chocolate and cake but not sure it's worth it

Mum

Unbelievable to think you aren't here. I miss your little bits and pieces you would do. Our constant chats about what we've got, if we went for cheap crackers or expensive.
My mother Christmas! Christmas comes along but is so hard without you. It is a massive void you not being here. But I try to fly the flag for you mum and keep the smiles and laughter and your little traditions with the tree presents and keeping all the cracker bits can't believe I done that lady year! Lol swear you whispered in my ear.
The day will if course be sad but we will try and enjoy it and hopefully if you are around us it will make you smile. We will never forget you mum and I know you will be around us.
My best friend, my qvc companion. You are a massive part of me I am you! Can't believe how much I am like you and I'm beyond proud of that. Love you loads mum and miss you heaps. Xxx

Super my eldest has been a card today! Really bad mouthing etc she seems to be struggling I think with grief for my mum. I know the signs. She shuts herself in her room and goes a bit recluse although saying that it could be teenage angst too luckily she has snapped out of it and the diva has left the building thank god!

Lin lovely what you put to your mum if they are around us I'm sure she loved that x

ds back to being normal. MIL just been ( no horrible mil tales here she is ace) my living room is half full! tbf she did bring the kids uncles and aunts presents too but jeez presents everywhere. she's lovely but it does make me a bit sad again that my mum isn't here to make a fuss of them as she would of so loved too. to my beautiful mum I can't believe we are facing our second christmas without you, I miss you so much and hope that you are proud of us as we try to carry on and look after nan and grandad, to bring the boys up to appreciate everything life gives them and keep your memory alive.nothing can fill the hole that you left behind, forever missing you x

just realised back to being normal sounds really harsh. less like a troll than he was this morning

I have had a friend round today who lost his mum earlier this year. He is devastated and has not even put his cards up. Says he can't face going to the cemetery either . It s so sad, I really felt for him.

I am planning to go and see my aunt tomorrow and go to the cemetery with mum.
Just seems so wrong...
My aunt will not see another Xmas - may not even in fact see 2014 - and my beloved dad, who everybody loved, is gone.
Dad...
There are no words to express how much I miss you. Your absence is like a physical pain. You have left a void that will never be filled. We are all trying our best, as you would have wanted us to, but it's so hard.
I love you. I miss you. Happy Christmas dad x

mummylinn that is awful can totally see why though I was so out of sorts last year I didn't do much at all. hope he has got family and friends to spend the day with even if it is not in high spirits