Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Oh chubby this is exactly the right place for you and as I already know your story I know we can help you through, you have been so brave throughout it all .
Will write a longer message to everyone later. badvoc hope tonight goes as best as it can. You never know you may enjoy parts of it.

of course you can join in a again, chubby, as you know we're all supportive of each other here.

I'm so glad no one was mad at me for writing that earlier, I'd hate for anyone to think twice before posting, that would be awful. I was thinking about badvoc saying she feels alone with her grief, because no one else grieved for my mum I was alone, but I'm someone who imagines a big lovely cozy family thats kinda perfect and I imagine thats what everyone else has, not siblings who dont seem to know you from adam. But I know thats just an image, most families are a lot more complicated than that. I told the cruse guy I wish I'd been an only sibling and he said "having siblings who dont care must be harder". He never seemed shocked at anything. I know what I want to happen regards them all and I cant post it here. The counsellor called it "payback". He was right. I heard from one of them lately, everythings great, all looking forward to a wonderful xmas, lifes super duper....the lump in my throat was almost choking me, how good for them, must be marvellous when life always swings your way and anything nasty can just be ignored as it doesnt fit into your perfect life. I just hope my mum and dad can see this. Does anyone know what kind of counselling does family relationships? I need to sort this out. maybe I should post on the relationships section here, has anyone ever tried it? I think my periods due, thats why I'm so emotional just now, I'm not usually this bad, could cry all day today. And I never got my cake in the end, couldnt be arsed going into town, will need to go tomorrow instead.

badvoc, have a glass of something strong for me tonight! hope you enjoy a little bit of it xx

Ssd...what's your poison!? :)
I guess I just think that my grief is mine alone. Even if I had 12 siblings my grief would still feel like this, would still hurt like this. Hard to express what I mean.
Chubby...welcome x

chubby can you pm me i don't want to say anything about your situation if you don't want to explain everything.

Oh and ssd you can't help how you feel. Your feelings are exactly that. Of course we don't think less of you, it's good for you to be able to say what you want. As it is for any of us if that's how we feel.i only wish I could do more for you

Course ok chubby, you will find great support here for you xx
ssd - nah you know the situation here with my sibling trust me..nothing but rosy, he pisses me off big time, ive learnt the distant thing, its something but i could go quite a while not speaking to him as i cant stand the defensiveness and being told what i can say and what i cant!
badvoc - hope the evening goes the best it can, like lin said try and enjoy moments, I bet my mum was laughing at the shinanigans we had with the free balloons on our table they were huge!

hope everyone hasnt had a too bad day, ssd been thinking of you lots xx

I have not lost a parent, but I lost my nan August 2012 and she was closer to me than I was to my mum at the time, my best friend and was always in my corner. Yesterday was her birthday and have had a really shitty week, as well as it being last week of school for the DD's.

Am really dreading Christmas this year because I can't seem to shake this funk I'm in, and I thought I was doing so well. It was my youngest DD's first year at school this year and seeing them go to the disco and all the nativities and carol services that my nan would have gone to this year.

I don't know why I am being so affected this year, when I was able to keep it together last year. If anyone has a right to be a mess, its my little sister, she was with my nan when she died, she had to speak to the police (was a sudden death), she was the one who notified the whole family, and she is the one now caring for my granddad because he seems to have given up now nan is gone.

I have stopped sleeping and have lost my appetite, I just don't understand this... Why am I being like this and why now?? I just seem to be falling apart at the seams.

Hope this gets better... Sorry for hijacking... just felt the need to spill...

ssd don't feel bad for getting all that out, and don't apologise for your feelings. I know it hurts me when people mention their parents in rl, but that's my problem. I know I'm lucky to get on well with my sibling and I'm sorry that you have that to deal with as well {hugs}

Thanks t have a good one with your girls, hope you're a bit more organised now!

I won't be on here over Christmas so I just wanted to say I hope everyone has a peaceful christmas and I want to say enjoy yourselves too but I know it's not always that easy with our loved ones not here, but as best you can.

Love to all xx

have a nice holiday biscuits, I hope you're going somewhere nice x

hi all,

how are you?

today has been an odd one, took ds and dn up to leave christmas flowers at mums grave, was doing okay and havent cried there in a long time, as we were leaving we said to say goodbye to nanna. dnephew said bye nanna, merry christmas.

well that was me gone for pretty much the rest of the day i have cried on and off. missing her so much her presence at christmas was so full on that after all my planning this week feels so flat without her.

Ds got me in trouble before and told my nan that i dont like shopping with her because she dithers. she was not impressed and has royally got the hump, im rather cross with ds because thats not what i said at all, i said i wanted to get our shopping done so when we go with nan we are not all dithering about trying to get last bits. my nan takes these things to heart and i now feel super guilty.

Ds has got a bad neck and is holding his head really strange, am worried about him but he does not seem ill other than this bad neck :S

Being an only child I can sort of see what you mean ssd. Tons of people miss my mum but I'm the only one who misses her as a mum if that makes sense?

I'll be back when I finish work boo

Hello inthespirit I expect it's to do with being Christmas that you are feeling so sad . It hurts when you see happy families out shopping, it just reminds us of what we have lost. I'm sure your nan would love for you to get on with your life and I'm sure her biggest wish would be that you are happy. I know it's not that easy, but in her memory at Christmas time,Think of her with happy thoughts

On a different note. Tonight I had a little smile . I found some boxed Christmas cards that I had bought home from my mums, as I didnt think I had enough I thought I would use them. Opened the box, loads of different cards, no envelopes , my mum had used them all but still kept all the cards ! That was typical of my mum , never threw anything away !!

Lin that's my mum to a t!! give the cards without envelopes!

Biscuits - more organized now! Lol have a good time as you can Hun x

Ssd - been thinking of you. With the family councilling or general councilling it will be through your dr possibly. X

In the spirit- very hard I think with the school things. It was so hard 2012 when my eldest started seniors it was very hard sports days/ concerts eldest leaving juniors very very hard.

Sm - hope ds is ok with his neck! Did make me laugh {sorry } when ds said about nanny dithering! Don't you love them, my youngest is news of the world! You can't tell her nothing!

As mummylin said I know extremely hard try and do the special things your man done and loved in her memory.
We're here for you anytime come back and chat when ever you need too x

Gusty winds back here again!!! Hate the wind! Another fence panel blooming gone!! Lol x

My dad has had his ct scan results and he has a kidney stone. He's bee. Told if he gets bad pain to make his way to a and e! And the procedure is just before New Years! He may well b in hospital for New Years! He is so incredibly lonely. Doesn't want to be in the house much anymore xx

The part of my post which started

As mummylin said do some thing you nan not man. My blooming phone is rubbish with typos.
This is for in the spirit x

I have seen a lot of women my age out Christmas shopping with their mums and I'm envious that they get to do that. She didn't much like Christmas but she got into the spirit of it once she had her tree up with Halloween decorations all over it.

t875, I've been thinking about your dad. I know its early days, but maybe have a think about looking at sheltered housing in your area? These are like small flats on one level, with many adaptions for older people. You have to be over 55 to get in. Even if your dad is still fit and active, it sounds like he'd benefit from the company. There is usually a big common room where the residents can meet up once or twice a week, its company for them all, as they usually live alone. Its something to think about for him, for the future. He could mix as much as he wants, but he'd find others in the same situation as him, which might be a comfort to him. And it would be a weight off your mind, knowing he's got some company of his own age. just a thought! x

I have just come home from shopping for a few bits and pieces and I have the most lovely flower arrangement.on my kitchen side left by my brother. What a lovely thought. He has already delivered his gifts yesterday ! Got to try and get some order in my house I still have ds and gs here so it's full of stuff everywhere. I expect he has one made for my mum too he is such a lovely brother. I am so lucky

that's nice mummlinn

you deserve it mummylin, your a lovely person yourself

I can't do this.

I can't let her go.

I can't go on knowing that I was never enough because I didn't need her anymore.

I can't go on knowing that when she needed me, I got there and only had 14 hours with her (which I know that is more than some of you)

I can't go on knowing that I didn't let her know that she was needed, that I DID need her.... just not like she wanted.

I can't bear the pain.

I can't sleep, eat or even breathe at times.....

My Dad and Aunt, her favorite sister who was there when she died are coming tomorrow.... I feel sick, scared, afraid that I can't hold it together for Him, my Dad, or my Aunt.....

I keep sobbing but I'm trying so God damned hard to get my Christmas on.... all I want to do is sleep. Sleep and wake up with my Mum in my arms, telling me it's okay, she knows that I didn't need her because I'd finally settled, loved, found real love, found safety, solace, peace, calm and rest in my life...

I can't cope. I can't do this 'thing' - grief..... loss..... death.

I. Don't. Want. To.

mouseface, your mum knows.

trust me on this, she knows.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm struggling too, and I feel for you xx

mouseface, just to let you know I'm going to bed soon, I'm not ignoring you just incase you come back and wonder where everyone is...hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, am thinking of you xxx

ssd - I know you are, I've read your posts..... sending you love and strength but by Jeff it's hard to even breathe in and out just now.

ssd - I hope you get some sleep, sleep is something I no longer have.... I've been put on sleepers, I'm taking my first tonight. Love to you sweets xxx

Sorry to spook anyone.... I just can't do this. This not knowing. I need to ask her..... hear it.

mouseface a mum knows when her daughter loves her, that is a fact, so don't worry that she didn't know. As for tomorrow, well it dosent matter if you cry. It's part of Grief and you are in the depths of it. I agree it s heartbreaking, but we have to carry on. It's very tough at times and seems unbearable, but you can and will learn to accept it, but it all takes time and you haven't had that yet. We are all with you and can feel your pain .