Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

noname I understand your apprehension. I think we have all felt the same fr the first Christmas . Somewhere you find the strength to get through it all . I always put up one of my old cards I had from my mum. It's the only card that says " to my daughter" an that way I feel like I still have a card from her. I too have some of mums tree decorations and they are on my tree. She would not want them never to be used again . I promise you that you will get through it. Even though the day is tinged with sadness. I know it probably dosent seem possible to you at the moment, but the thought of it is awful but strangely on the day we just get on with it. I think it helps if we are busy and have others around us. We will all be here for you if you feel overwhelmed, take 5 mins to yourself and go and sit in your bedroom until you perk up a little . We do all understand.

Thank you mummylin

I was her Carer for about 10 years and the hole in ours lives is immeasurable

I'm really dreading Christmas Day as we always spent it at her house, in one way it will be nice not to have to rush down there early but I know for a fact that although the girls will be excited there will also be lots of tears, they were so close to her.

I come from quite a big family (5 older brothers and their families) but they are scattered over the world so will only have contact with one brother who we always saw on the day and we're going to skype with my oldest in Spain.

I need to start new traditions with the girls but at a loss as to what atm but it'll come to me I suppose

Thanks for listening

purplepillow have just read your post but just going out, I will reply to you later.i understand perfectly

It's very hard purple pillow. I remember last year a mixture of tears and laughs too. But it is very hard. It is a little easier this year but she is never far away from my thoughts. I'm having trouble thinking its Christmas full stop as to me it only feels like it should be October! Can't believe where this year went. I've got my mums decorations which my dad was going to throw he has kept a lot. I'm going to put them out later I know I will be sad as I was finding them last weekend but I'm sure she will love seeing them around the place. X

No name delicate as much as you can for Christmas preparations as you don't want all the stress. Have hubby help or even your in laws. Try not to do it all or take on too much. Take each moment slowly xx

Purple pillow just seen about the traditions. I was the same as you. We all go and buy a separate ornament for the tree just before Christmas. We have b fast together! And the new tradition this year we will be going to see frozen day after Boxing Day! Me and my girls also make Christmas decorations and do Christmas pics glitter an all. For my sins just a few we do.

What's everyone's traditions with children or g children or just family????

I'm so sorry for all the new faces on the thread x
Such a heartbreaking time of year for so many of us.
I honestly don't know how I am going to cope this year...went to the cemetery this morning with mum. It seems to get harder :(
I will try and make it a fun day for the dc but my heart just isn't in it - which would infuriate dad.
Supposed to be going out for a meal with mum and my siblings tomorrow night - was my idea but now I don't know...it's my brothers b day so feel I should make an effort (even though I didn't even get a card from him this year!)

Hi bad Voc. yeah I had to go to a family meal last week still after a year very hard that empty space. We managed to have some laughs but it was still hard. I go along to these things now and just literally sink to the back ground I once upon a time would b the one to keep it all going. Not anymore! I only bother who bothers with me and that includes family.

Same here my mum would kick my backside if I didn't enjoy Christmas for me and the kids it spurs me on for her memory I guess. But still extremely hard. X

To add to our sadness my DS (he's a teenager) has just been told his really good friend has been killed in an accident. He was devastated when my mum died and now this.

Omg no name that is awful! There is no words. How utterly horrific for the child and this for your son on top of everything. Life is shit! My god I'm sorry to hear this. Hope your son will be ok how awful for the family of the boy too! xx

Unbelievably terrible for the family of the boy. I can't believe it.

Oh noname that's horrid I hope your ds is ok

I'm trying my best to make this year special, I've just booked tickets for the polar express for the 28th hopefully we'll all enjoy it

ah thats nice purple pillow, we love the polar express DVD here!! You will have to let us know how it is.

Oh I will t875 it's one of our favourites too!

I wanted to go last year but could never get time or money together but this year it's a last gift from mum

Very sorry no name x

so sorry for your ds noname hope he is doing okay. how terrible for all who know him. dc have finished school now . Wohooo and all my presents are given out nearly. the house still needs a bit of a tidy but I'm not one of those who does it top to bottom. feeling a bit teary went to leave mums cgristmas flowers and there was a funeral on so we left didn't want to intrude with the kids whilst there was a service. I miss her so much we would of been planning and sorting out who was cooking what but not any more. gone totally overboard on Christmas thanks to some vouchers wins and savvy shopping. but last year was so awful that I am just glad to be able to bring some smiles. how is everyone today

SM...dh will have some sort of episode when he sees all the parcels for the dc :)
And I dont care one bit.
He never does anything wrt Xmas, and I have told him on many occasions, if he doesn't like the way I do it, he can do it all next year :)
Feel unsure about tomorrow...want to go but am worried about getting upset.

where you going tomorrow badvoc I must of missed that post. dp knows how much they have we only bought last few as he twitched then wanted to buy one more things fir the others. it's a kit compared to what we normally buy but u gave been buying since august didn't realise quite how much we had. just got an envelope of dp nan she said not to open till Christmas but am so tempted too so can buy new jeans...wonder if that would be wrong

so many autocorrect errors there, sorry

For a meal at a local hotel.
It's my brothers b day too.

I made sure I say quite far back at the other end of the table so I didn't talk much. Hope it goes best it can. Them times are very hard. Will b thinking of you badvoc x

Thank you.
Saw my aunt this morning...she is going downhill fast :(
I'm so tired.

thinking of you badvoc and hoping it goes okay. nd thinking of your aunt too

Sorry to hear about your aunt badvoc how horrible for you all.Gosh you have so much, i really cant imagine what you are going through.
whats the meal, is it a Christmas dinner?

Wow so much to catch up on today. First of all noname I am so sorry to hear of your sons friend , how awful for the dead friends family .
purplepillow I too have / had 5 other siblings ( we lost one sister when she was 26) but I am luckier than you in that all my brothers are within ten minutes of me, my remaining sister lives away, but is moving here in January. I do not know how I would of coped withem all being in different countries. Yes there will be a space at your house for Christmas and that will bring you great sadness. It's to be expected, but you will get through the day, you will have times of feeling ok then it will crash over you again. Wipe your eyes and then just get through the day hour by hour I am carrying on my mums tradition of making the mince pies for all my so kings. My own adult children and my niece. My mum used to make them all every year. Dh and I used to go up mums every year, she would not open anything until we got there. That bit I miss terribly. Instead I will go and visit the crem and take her and my sister a little Xmas tree.
badvoc I too have gone completely overboard as usual and spent a fortune. But it's done now .it will be a sad Xmas for you too as its the first one without your dear dad. Same as I said to purple pillow. Take the day hour by hour and if you get upset take five mins on your own in your bedroom.i hope you will get some pleasure from going out tomorrow night
SMhow sad for the family you saw at the cemetery, so many people grieving at this special time of year . Hopefully it won't be too bad for you this year. We will always miss them , but they would want us to carry on as near to normal as we can
Ti am glad to see that you say you manage to have a few laughs, it certainly does help to get us all through . We all know that life for any of us has now changed forever but we owe it to our loved ones to keep going., we all have our own families which will help us through. Forget about the people who have chosen to ignore any of us through our grief, they aren't worth bothering about.
ssd I hope you will be able to cope over Xmas, I know you are till very hurt about the loss of your mum and the way your siblings have behaved. But don't let them sour Xmas for you and your family. You can get through this in spite of them
To everyone else who is going to struggle at Xmas. It is awful especially if its the first one. But it will be ok .we are sometimes stronger than we think.