Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

I haven't forgotten about our virtual NYE party :)
I shall bring baileys and nuts.

And I will have Pernod and lemonade !

ooohhhh I might share your baileys badvoc, I love it!

Malibu it is in this house. badvoc dp has got the twitch we were finished apart from meat and veg then he bought ss something extra so is saying he needs to buy for other two. I shall leave him to his twitching it's nice it's not me for a change

Mummylin - I'll bring fizz of some sort :)

I've just sobbed mt heart out. No idea why, it just swept over me, the thought of no mum at Christmas. Mum loved Christmas, she waited a whole 364 days for it! She'd wait until around 7am when we were little and stand on the landing, then sing 'Jingle Bells' at the top of her voice!

We'd charge to her, hugging her and then all piling into the lounge, waiting by our piles of gifts as she got her pen and notebook out to make sure we sent a thank you to everyone.

She loved watching out faces as we opened the things that we'd waited all year to have, she was Mrs Christmas :) and I miss her so much.

Off to put the boy to bed and write all of my cards as they are saying tomorrow is the last day for 2nd class post..... we send so many DH does them through his company so it's 2nd class other than those in foreign lands!

So, I'm going to say goodnight to you all, thank you for being so lovely and kind.

ssd - I'm sorry but I don't know your story as such, or what sadness you hold.... I'm guessing that NY is a tough time for you xxx

She sounds lovely mouse :)
My dad loved Xmas too...was a big kid really. I miss him so much.
Just had an awful shouting match with ds1 - he is 11 next year and I think puberty is round the corner...we are having such battles eight him re homework etc and practising his guitar (lessons which cost a lot of money) that tonight I just flipped :(
He was being so rude and cheeks to dh who was helping him with some work and I went mad...told him that if he continues to behave is way that dh and I are no longer going to help him.
Feel awful now.
But I hate he constant nagging him to do his work, the answering back etc...
It's been such a Hard few months for us all...maybe he hasn't coped quite as well as I thought :(

same here my mum was mrs christmas mouse, so very very hard even this year one year on is extremely hard.

Talking and Mouse welcome to the group, so very sorry to hear of your losses. Always here to support you, I,m a bit better this year but still get tough times though, the waters can be very choppy. But keep her very close to me.

Ill look forward to seeing your conversations unfortunately on NYE i will be busy we play games etc, i will miss not being around!
but have a nice time, i may well drop in for a small banter and glass of wine.

Biscuits was great as usual to see you, hopefully see you soon!!
Ssd Thanks for your support, will keep you posted.
love to all and hugs if needed through this very tough time of year!
Badvoc - My eldest was 11 when she lost my mum and my god them hormones went crazy! shouting, screaming at times, very emotional couldn't be down stairs, she shut out my mum where my youngest would talk about her, i went along with her, said if you need to talk you know where I am about anything, but with hormones too it was very turbulent times with her, Been a lot better this year, and will talk about my mum more, i kind of have little bits of conversation with her and it involves my mum.
mummylin- bet your jumper looks great!

t was lovely to see you too, your hair looked lovely

Hope everyone is well today. Christmas can be such a tough time as we realise who is missing from our lives.

I've brought a few little bits to take to the crem for mum and dad. I'll go up there Saturday morning as we are going away for Christmas for the first time, couldn't face Christmas at home with no parents

xx

Biscuits - thanks!

Ah bless you. We might see you there on Saturday as hubby is going there to see his dads as the plaque was renewed. Took a bauball and a glittery pine cone my mums. Look forward to hear all about your Christmas away! Hope it goes ok as it can will b thinking of you!! X

Hope everyone is going along not too bad xx

I have just finished making 8doz mince pies! My mum always made them for all of us and now it seems it's my job ! I will post a pic. I broke 3 so we had to eat them

I've name changed I post regularly on anther subject. I lost my mum four months ago and I am frequently told by friends that they think I'm coping so well. But I'm not I struggle through every day I am permanently sad, I think about her all the time, find myself ringing her number at least once a day. I shop and see Xmas presents for her. I'm dreading Xmas.

Just thought I'd say hello. I lost my mum 8 years ago and am now "used" to it. This last week I've had a few wobbly moments out of the blue like bubbles rising to the surface. Memories of my childhood etc. Maybe its because Christmas is coming.

Hi cloudskitchen and no name I think Christmas definitely rocks. It's memories of them and what they did etc. I've had more moments this year. It's very hard. I like to try and do special things she liked to do to keep her spirit and memory alive. But it's very hard I miss her loads. I can't even think about not being able to pick the phone up kills me.

Come here anytime. (( hugs)) to you guys xx

I've just sold her flat today although relieved the sale has finally gone through I feel desperately sad too. There is no pleasure in the money because I've got it because she's gone, I've bought a house with the money and I know she'd love it but I find no pleasure in it. We're paying off the last few years of school fees as well and I know my mum would be pleased because she worried we worked too hard to pay them. For the first time in years we"ll have spare money (lots of it) but it means nothing because I've only got it because my mum died. I can't celebrate my new house or be pleased about our new financial freedom. Every time the phone rings I assume it's her, when we exchanged on our house I dialled her number to tell her, I just think about her all the time and miss her so much.

Hello to our new posters noname 4 months is no time at all it's very early days for you. Now Christmas time it seems to enhance the feelings of sadness. A lot of us have found that other people seem to think after a few weeks we suddenly get back to "normal" I don't know why this is, maybe it makes tem feel better to think we are ok sadly we all know this is not the case.
You are facing the first Christmas without your dear mum and yes it hurts like hell. But you will get through it, it helps if you have other people around you on this day too.
Raise a glass to your mum on the day, put a flower or a candle by her photo, she is never gone entirely, you are carrying her genes and so she lives on.
clouds how sad for you to get the feelings of sadness back again, and yes I'm sure your right about t being because its Christmas time. When you think of your childhood Christmasses you remember being a child and being with your mum . Bittersweet memories for you. That's all any of us have got now isn't it.

noname I know exactly how you are feeling about the house , money etc . My siblings and I inherited from mum. But do you know what I would give it all away if I could have her back. I don't even like spending anything because I still think of it as mums money. And the day the sold sign went up on her house I felt sick, I will not go down her road now at all. Your not unusual in what you are feeling, I think what you feel is normal

And Re the phone. I have had a new phone since my mum died and I carefully put her number,i true and her own personal ring tone into my new phone, I know it will never ring. But I can't not have her on my phone

I sometimes when i know no one is there ring my mum and dads and when the answer machine kicks in i say "hi mum" and reanact what she will say back to me. I hate that I cant talk to her, and even today i was thinking when the kids were ill she would always call to see how they are.

I'm dreading Christmas too. I just don't know how it works without my mum. I miss her so much. Especially as I have just found out I am pregnant again. She would be do pleased.

Oh wow FOD bless you, i can imagine such an emotional time for you. She will be with you, and as others have said here christmas is a tough time but somehow you get strength to get through it, they would want us too, but my god i know how hard it is, im sure i will be getting through again with some serious stength again. So very hard. We will be here for you. How have you been feeling? xx

Hi everyone

I hope no one minds me joining in

Struggling a bit today, I lost my mum on 13/11/13 just 13 days before her birthday ?? I was her Carer and dd's spent every day with her

Trying desperately to get into the Christmas spirit for the sake of my dd's but finding it really hard

Had to phone ups today as they've lost dd1's main present and ended up crying down the phone

I've always dreaded this time of year anyway as my dad died on 4/1/74 and his mum on 19/12/76 and sil's mum on 18/11/10 ??

The first few weeks weren't too bad as mum made me excecuter (sp?) so was kept busy with all that and trinity was a rock but as the weeks go on I'm feeling so lost, keep suddenly crying for no real reason, I know it will get better eventually but finding it so hard atm ??

Hello purplepillow you are going through such a sad time and really nothing makes you feel better for a while. But it does get better but now is so raw for you. What a terrible time of the year the winter months have been for you.
It is normal to suddenly cry , sometimes when you least expect it. Just a sudden thought or memory can start you off again. Just go with it, you don't have to bottle it up and be brave all the time, tears can be a good relief for you
I too was executor for my mum and as you say it keeps you busy to start with. Then all of a sudden there is nothing and you start replaying everything and it bloody hurts like hell. But i am 2 yrs on and it does get better, eventually you will find longer gaps between the crying spells, you will even be able to smile at things, though you think you never will again. I am sorry for your loss.

Congratulations FOD how lovely for you.

I'm am really dreading Xmas I wanted to escape and go away but the DC's wanted to stay here. I can manage to hold it together most of the time but I am afraid I won't be able to at Xmas. It's not that I even saw her the last four Xmas's we"d moved away and my mum had the beginnings of dementia and became very reclusive in her desperate attempt to cover it up but I would always ring her in the morning and evening and think about her.
My in laws are coming and I've got to be welcoming and hospitable (which I'm normally really good at) but Im just dreading having to make the effort, cook the food and be all friendly.
I have all her Xmas decorations and I want to put them up (my mother had many very beautiful things) and many are from my childhood which on the one hand will be lovely and her things give me great comfort because I see her in them but on the other everything screams of her and the fact that she's not here. That doesn't make sense I know but that's how it feels.

someone at work asked me if I'm looking forward to xmas and I just looked at them like they were mad. as long as the kids are happy with the day thats all that matters to me. xmas without any family left feels wrong, but so does everything else. I looked into going away but its too expensive, it would be so nice to escape at xmas instead of dreading it.

thinking of you all xxx