Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Ha ha that's funny!! I love looking at funny cards too makes me laugh! I find though the cards are too gushy especially when it come getting them for people. Special couple you make the world a better place blah blah I'm like yeah right put that back! I was grumbling to my self yesterday putting back the cards as too mushy and not appropriate for the 2nd Christmas and someone thought I was talking to them!

I have to admit I never buy " nice " cards , they have to be humorous . Not even for dh I don't like all the sentimental things they put in them either. But I do stand and have good old chuckle at funny ones. In the shop I went in they even have rude ones to send to your boss. Don't know how that would go down with some of them hahah

Badvoc hope your ab's work quickly, a chest infection's all you need on top of everything else. Good that your dh is helping out but I know what you mean by doing it "wrong"

Had ds3's school concert and he and I went to the carol singing in the evening which was lovely if a little bit teary. We are going to see Santa on Tuesday. I hope he doesn't add anything else to his (already extensive) list.

I went shopping this am with all three ds's as ds1 needed shoes and ds2 needed trousers. It's been a long time since we have all been out together so we went for a KFC lunch. My stomach's not been right since. I think something disagrees with me (I sound like Mum now) but not sure what but it was still nice to do something together. The shops were so busy though. I think I will stick to Tesco/Dobbies and other local shops for everything else.

I haven't written my Christmas cards yet but will definitely do it tomorrow. Right, off to let dog out then to bed.

Very weird. Have been lying in the sofa dozing with The Little Mister and I have had such vivid dreams. All of them were about mum playing in the garden with her grandchildren. I miss her so much.

Well today I have been to a huge market and dh bought me a Christmas jumper. It's a very special one because guess what it has on it ! Yes a robin. My dd also bought another lovely plaque which is heart shape and says " miss you nan " hope you are getting through the day ok. The weather isn't helping much is it. It's terrible here

the weather here's terrible too.

the shops are full of things I'd have put in mums hamper, was in asda there and nearly cried over a bit of wensleydale cheese with cranberry in it, I bought that for her hamper, along with loads of other things. So I bought a bit for myself, to feel closer to her. But its so hard. As another poster said, Christmas without any parents to visit or any grandparents to treat my kids is below awful. I hope they dont notice too much. Ds2 said a few weeks ago, when talking about his friends "J can go to the school trip because his grans treating him and so is C..but ..you know mum..." He knows he's got no gran to treat him anymore and he's only 11. Its not fair, he;s a great kid , him and his brother. And my dad only knew ds1 for 7 months..he never mer ds2. Its so unfair. And it leaves a lump in my throat like a boulder. And its on going, it'll never change.

This is such a sad time of the year forevdryonewho is,issuing someone they loved so much, for the ones who are facing their first Christmas withouttheirfamily member, sending you much love, you can and willgetthrough this, when it comes to the actual day just take it hour by hour. It's ok to have moments of sadness. But despite this , you will get through it all.

Yeah some home you find the strength but it tremendous waves sadness too. But it was mixed in with remembering my mum and still tried to do the things she loved killed at times but did it! Thinking of everyone at this time of year as mummylin said take it in your stride (( hugs)) for anyone who needs them xx

Same here * damn phone! Lol! X

Hello.

I'd like to join you if I may. I'm finding things increasingly hard as Christmas nears and have been to my GP today who was wonderful.

For those who don't know, I lost my mum to cancer (no-one knew) on November 23ed. She was only 59. I have a thread JUST HERE if anyone wants to read it.

I've not read back through this thread which I apologise for but will do, bit by bit. I hope that I can stay and get some support, and hopefully support some of you in return.

Thank you,

Mouse

Hello mouse.
I'm so sorry you have had to join us here, but you are very welcome x
I lost my dad very suddenly and unexpectedly in July - he was 67 - and so this is also my first Xmas without a parent.
Glad your gp was good...it does help having someone to talk to. Mine is also good, and has assured me everything I am feeling is normal that I am still, in fact, sane :)
If you find books helpful I would recommend "you'll get over it: the rage of bereavement" by Virginia ironside. I found it really helpful.
X

hi mouse, glad you've joined us, feel free to talk away here, we're all very supportive to each other, when the rest of the world seems to think we're "getting over it by now"

Hello mouse I am so sorry that you have has to join this thread, but you are very welcome. We have all experienced what you are feeling and so we can all empathise very much. Some of us have recently been bereaved , others like myself it is longer. But still feels like last week. As I expect you have been told many times. The firsts of anything are the worst to get through,, my mum died 7 weeks before Christmas and I was dreading the actual day. To my surprise although I felt very sad the day was not as bad as I thought it would be, but everyone is different. I hope you will be surrounded by family on that day. That will help a lot . I hope you will find the support you need here.

sorry to see you had had to join use mouse, it is so very hard to get used to the idea that what is going on around you is real and its very early days for you. like your mum my mum was very young and also had cancer, it is very hard not to feel bitter and i struggle with that at times. Christmas will be a difficult time but as others have said take it however you feel you need too, i spent the first christmas which was 6 weeks after with family and although i didnt do much planning or getting involved it was nice to have people around me. this year i am feeling stronger but there are still moments of great sadness that catch me without any warning. we are always here for you to talk too

Thank you all for a lovely welcome.

ssd did come and post on my thread and said where you were.....

Christmas Day is going to be hard because I live some distance from my Dad and Brother and Sisters. Dad is having one of my Sisters, her four DC, my Brother and his lovely GF, and his own Mother there, at the house on Christmas Day for dinner.

We weren't invited.

Now, that may sound harsh and if anyone who knows me in RL is reading this, I honestly believe that my Dad is thinking of the travelling for me, I'm disabled and sitting or standing or being in any position for a period of time hurts like hell so I think that he has my best interests at heart... we talk lots on the phone and I cry, he cries and we remember that night, the night that Mum finally let go.

She knew for two days that she was riddled with lung and lymph node cancer before her life ended. Before then, my parents hid a lot of her illnesses from me "Because I had/have enough on my plate" with my disability and of course those of our son, who you'll come to know as Nemo.

He's named Nemo after the film, the little clown fish who has a smaller wing and can't quite swim as well as his peers....

That's our Nemo too :) Mum loved calling him that, in a very affectionate way. She suffered from MS, Diabetes and various other illnesses and the strange thing is, that when I saw her at the start of November, I actually said to my husband that my Mum looked like she had cancer....

I emailed my Dad and said the same, he said that it wasn't cancer (he didn't know) and that is was a new symptom of her MS.

Sometimes being right is so very wrong isn't it?

Well, my boy is going to need another feed soon so I shall say goodnight to you all. I have a feeling I'll be here for a long time to come if that's okay.

Over the coming weeks, more will come out, more memories, things that I was asked to do when Mum passed, the fact that the funeral director is a very good friend of my husband's and mine before we moved away, is just odd!

Time to go to bed for this Mouse

Thank you all again, well, for being you xxx

Hi all,

I'm fairly new to MN and have never seen this thread. My dad passed in February 2005 when I was 13. Christmas time is always pretty horrid, as I'm sure you all know!

It's nice to know that there's a thread like this, I'm not much of an out loud talker so this is perfect.

sometimes its not a bad thing to be a not out loud talker, i have got better at saying things that need saying than i used to be but i was never one for big conversations and chats, i like it here. i can slot in and out with an essay or one line depending how the mood takes me. it will be nice to learn about you all and your lives and share some memories. I think you are right mouse and probably your dad is thinking of you but it is still very hard so i shall offer one of those hug things we dont do round here! your nemo sounds very interesting and much loved

Hello taking and welcome to this thread. What a very young age to have lost your dad. You are in the right place if you need to talk. We are all ages. But all have lost someone very dear to us. In some cases two parents in a short time . Of course we mostly talk about our grief, but we do chat about other things now and again as well. Or even come on here to rant about something ! We all understand each other and it's a very friendly thread.

SM did you see that I have a Xmas jumper with a robin on ! Dh asked me if I wanted it so of course I said yes. It will be my tree robins twin , I am so pleased with that. So thanks once again for the lovely thought .

Thank you! I'm looking forward to joining in with this chats, or ranting when I storm off with the iPad when no one understands why I'm annoyed about Christmas traditions changing!

Oh yes, we all like a rant now and again. You mean someone is changing the Christmas traditions you are used to ?

wheeyy that's epic I want to buy a cg
Christmas jumper haha bet it looks v cool . I asked dp to buy a head elf one and he looked at me like I was a loon . I have stuck to some of my old traditions from home and brought them with me into my home now we try to compromise. dp woukdnt make such a big deal out of christmas if he had his way but still I never expected to agree to roast chicken with no turkey in sight. I got all upset last Christmas over strange things family probably thought I was bats it is just something small that enters your head can change the mood so easily.

Hello all
What a lovely name...nemo :)
Well, mum has decided to go with my sister abroad for new year...I am pleased. I think she needs it. It will be hard for her, but all the first are, aren't they?
I have an Xmas jumper too! :) mine has a big Xmas pud on it :) I have them for the dc and dh too (they don't know)
Woke up feeling very rough this morning...didn't cough so much last night though but I have a headache :( bluergh.
Just want it to be Friday now...so much still to do...plays, nativitys, parties....sigh.
Is anyone else getting "the twitch" re Xmas? Must stop reading he Xmas bargain thread :)
Love to all x

Hello everyone

Thank you for all the lovely welcomes and hellos :)

Today is cold and sunny, which is lifting my spirits a little. Very little but the sunshine is so much nicer than the grey, damp whether.

Hope you are all okay? Last night wasn't great, DH coughed his head off all bloomin night. DD is off school and in bed and my little Nemo is at school after a dreadful night with more tears... bless him.

So, I'm surrounded by wrapping paper and presents in order of needing to be posted/delivered! I need an elf! :)

Big hugs to you all today, no matter how you are feeling, whether it's sunny there or not, I hope you are as okay as you all can be. xxx

mouseface could you send your elf down to my house please. I too am surrounded by wrapping paper, gifts carrier bags ! Haven't even finished buying yet either.
Hope everyone is coping ok and that you are all too busy to feel sad for a while dont forget we are having a party on here on New Year's Eve to keep ssd company , get your party clothes ready.
I can remember posting here on my first New Year's Eve. Utterly heartbroken , I sent dh off to a party and couldn't go, even though it was at my ds,s house. I just wanted to be alone with my sadness and cry. That to me was worse than Christmas Day.
But ssd has been left by her siblings to cope alone so we are her cyber family.