Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Mojito100 · 05/12/2016 13:55

I have missed you my dearest friend. My need to see you on mumsnet and send little notes is high at the moment. I'm missing my coffee routines where I can think of you and Paddy. I need some if that comfort back in my life. FlowersBrewWine.

Mojito100 · 07/12/2016 02:56
Flowers
Mojito100 · 11/12/2016 12:52

I had coffee this morning and sat thinking of you and Paddy. I have missed that quiet time in the morning.

Mojito100 · 15/12/2016 21:49

I've been thinking if you so much lately. Hope all is ok. FlowersCakeBrewWine

Mojito100 · 18/12/2016 12:47

It was lovely to get your email and also your note on MN. I know just how you are feeling and wish I was there for you at the moment. So many big events this year in your life and now matter how wonderful your family are and making the most of their lives your beloved Paddy is never far from your thoughts and should also be doing all they are. Big events just make it more prominent that he isn't with you living his life as he deserves.

Mojito100 · 22/12/2016 12:37

I'm thinking if you all the time at the moment. You are just constantly with me. It helps.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 23/12/2016 20:04

Thank you dear Mojito for all your messages. I haven't been here lately because sometimes it's just best to hide away with my head under my wing.

My darling Paddy. Always on my mind. Always in my thoughts. Always at the front of everything I do. To be honest, I am struggling without you being here. Your cheeky grin. Your tight squeezy hugs. Your noise. Your smell. You cuddling your dog. Everything is tainted with your loss. Your absence.

I have flowers to make into a wreath for you and a little Christmas tree and candles which I shall take to you tomorrow night so that they can burn through the night. Light you up. It's so wrong that I am buying you flowers for Christmas. You should be here with us.

People are so happy and jolly and I just want to hide away and be alone. But I can't. Life is so hard to bear.

I miss you with every beat of my heart. My darling boy.

OP posts:
3littlebadgers · 23/12/2016 20:09

Oh Lily that is beautiful. Your love for your darling Paddy goes on, it is stronger than death, it keeps you linked to him and him to you.

For paddy Flowers

And for all of our missing children Flowers

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 23/12/2016 21:35

Flowers 3littlebadgers Sending love and light to you too.

OP posts:
Mojito100 · 24/12/2016 12:40

I know about hiding away and the need for that and then the need at times to come back to MN to feel not quite so alone. It is Christmas eve here for me already and before I know it another Christmas Day will have passed without our loved ones being physically present with us and sharing in the joy they should be a part of. You will be in my mind and heart tomorrow as you are now.

NavyandWhite · 24/12/2016 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minmooch · 25/12/2016 10:57

Darling Paddy.

Thinking of you my darling friend xxxxx

PlymouthMaid1 · 25/12/2016 11:11

Xx

Mojito100 · 29/12/2016 14:39

You are in my mind and thoughts Paddy. Wishing you were here with your mum and dad.

laurenmarie88 · 29/12/2016 14:52

I'm sorry for your loss and send big hugs xxxx I know it must be hard to talk about him but just try and remember the happy memories you have and look at photos he will be watching over you all xxxx

littlejimmybrighterfuturefund · 31/12/2016 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 01/01/2017 22:44

And so another year begins without you my darling. I look for signs from you everywhere I go. Robins. The first and brightest star every night. Anything that might bring a scrap of comfort.

How can it be?

Thank you for the kindness of your messages Mojito, lauren marie, plymouth and min. Kindness helps.

OP posts:
DollyPlastic · 01/01/2017 23:03

Lots of love to you, Lily.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 01/01/2017 23:05

I'm so sorry for your loss I can't even comprehend it 💐

Aidenmiguel · 13/08/2017 09:28

Hello, I lost my premature son last July 30,2017. He was just 9 days old. His pediatrician told me that has a duodenal atresia. But then due to lack of money since the surgeon told me that the cost for his surgery is quite expensive, he was not operated right away. I tried to transfer him to a public hospital but then there's no vacant so I was forced to continue his operation in the private hospital. On July 29 around 5pm Philippines time, he was operated but sad to say he died at midnight. Everything happens so fast because he was just 32 weeks. It's so.hard to accept his death because I was not able to hold him, touch him since he was incubated. The only time I was able to hold him in my arms was when he was died. So painful and I don't know what to do. I feel like that my life has no more purpose.Sad

QOD · 20/08/2017 19:57

So sorry @Aidenmiguel - if you start your own post people will be happy to support you in your loss. Sounds so awful

☕️ for paddy x

yawning801 · 20/08/2017 20:03

(((((Hugs))))) and Flowers for you OP.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 30/08/2017 14:30

Thank you yawning and QOD. Thank you also Dolly and EggNog. I haven't been able to find the words to post, but I did see your kind messages and was grateful.

I am struggling to find the words to express how I feel. Paddy's fourth anniversary has been and gone and with it the anniversary of his funeral. Nobody remembered that terrible day, or if they did it wasn't mentioned to me. I am sad that this year for the first time so many of his friends seemed to forget. Did his lift and friendship mean so little to them?

People say that time heals, but I have news for them. It doesn't. I am a better actress and can wear "the mask" more reliably but it feels the same inside. I ache for my darling boy. I wonder where he is. How can I go on? I have to.

I have been told that Paddy's heart valves (which is all that we were able to donate) will be used soon and he will be helping a couple of young children. I am so pleased about this but it's incredibly bitter-sweet. I got the news on his actual anniversary. What a coincidence. I am really hoping that we will be told about the recipient and have asked that they tell the recipient's family (if they wish) as much about Paddy as they can and say that we'd love to tell them more. My boy might be able to live on in somebody else. The thought that that's the complete end of Paddy just knocks me off my feet.

Oh my darling boy. I miss you so much.

OP posts:
QOD · 30/08/2017 21:42

💔

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 28/10/2017 07:49

Struggling at the moment. I feel very low but am a fantastic actress and whip on the mask when needed. The missing and longing never go.

My oldest son married last year and they are expecting their first baby. I am so pleased for them and thrilled to be a Granny but everything is tempered with Paddy's absence. One of my first thoughts was "shit, that's another reason I have to stay." Life shouldn't be like this.

I miss my darling boy.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread