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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 16/02/2016 06:40

Hi magi

Thank you very much for your lovely post.

Paddy's birthday is the 7th March. It's strange to think he'd be 24 this year. He's stuck forever at 21. I was trying to work out how old he'd be the other day and I actually had to count. Now that my DS3 has overtaken him (IYSWIM) it's sometimes a little confusing. They were so close in age. We will be celebrating his life and remembering him with his friends on the 28th February. I have organised a small get-together at his grave with the priest who was a friend of his and did his funeral, then lunch and then a hockey match. It's odd to think of remembering him on a specific day as he permeates everything I do every day.

I saw Serendipity's post as well and thought how beautiful it is. I thought she hit the nail right on the head as well. It really resonated with me too. Thank you for sharing the link.

Such a strange thing happened a few days ago. I wasn't going to write about it, but I shall....

My favourite knitted hat was unravelling and I had my workbox in the kitchen and thought I'd just mend it quickly. While I was stitching it back together I noticed a piece of something white in the top of the tray. I looked more closely and saw that it was one of Paddy's nametape with a safety pin through the end. I haven't used any of the boys' name tapes for about six years. My workbox is newish and I've never had their nametape here in France. They were always kept in a separate box in the UK. Utterly unexplainable. It felt like a little message from him, so I immediately stitched it into my own hat so that is now labelled with Paddy's name. So strange. The rational part of me says that it was probably just stuck to my needle book or similar and just came off. The missing-Paddy part of me thinks it was a loving little message.

Your kind sweetness and support made me smile.

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jenmac22 · 16/02/2016 11:22

I absolutely believe it's a message ftom Paddy. He loved you so much. Of course he will find a way to keep showing you now. I'm believing more every day that this where we are now is hell. We have a much better place to come.
My niece went to the medium yesterday. She told her things no one would know xx

Mojito100 · 16/02/2016 13:27

I agree it's a message from Paddy. I have never been a believer or non believer however while away on holidays recently I went to one of my favourite naturopath shops. The lady selling to me asked if it was ok for her to share some information with me. I said yes and what she shared struck a chord with me. It didn't relate to my DD but it god reference DS2 and that I didn't need to worry about him and I should let him walk his own path. If nothing else he has had a great start to the year. It just felt so accurate.

I truly do think we have little signs along the way and here was Paddy reaching out to offer you some comfort.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 17/02/2016 21:47

Thank you jan and mojito

I'd quite like to go to a medium but I'm kind of afraid what I might hear (or even not hear). I know of one woman who went, she'd also lost an older son, and he told the medium that he didn't want to die, he was really angry and he wanted to be back. She was even more upset.

I'm very glad to hear that he naturopath was so accurate in her reference to DS2 mojito. He is so much better than this time last year and you're so much calmer.

Little signs? I hope so.

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Mojito100 · 20/02/2016 00:37

Remembering Paddy at this time while I have my morning coffee.

His birthday is super close to DS2's. When we have our special birthday cake (ice cream cake) for DS2 I will have a little wish for Paddy at the same time. Maybe even a slice of cake for him too

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 20/02/2016 08:19

Thank you dear Mojito. That's so funny because I've just done exactly the same thing here.

It's Paddy's memorial day next Sunday and I will be placing yellow roses and saying the names of my dear friends who have also lost children. I will say DD's name and one rose will be for her.

Ice cream cake sounds amazing. I will make cake on Paddy's birthday but am not sure who I will share it with. It's just so wrong. I should be buying presents for him and making his favourite cake for him, not to share with my builders.

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Mojito100 · 20/02/2016 12:40

I get exactly what you are saying. We had cake for DD's birthday and it just isn't right to not have her there to enjoy it.

Mojito100 · 24/02/2016 11:28

I made a wish for Paddy today.

DS2 has been so excited about his birthday he woke me up three times last night to see if he could get his presents.

My wish for Paddy was that in some way I hope he can let you know how much he loves you and that he understands your pain and wishes you didn't have to carry it around. I know he wouldn't want you feeling this way but in reality there is no other way a loving parent can feel.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 24/02/2016 16:18

Thank you lovely friend.

I am feeling quite fragile to be honest in the days leading up to Paddy's memorial. Tears are never very far away.

The thought of your DS2 waking you up because of his excitement made me smile. Sweet boy.

I had a message from Paddy the other day when I found the name tape. I still have no idea at all how it got into my workbox. Really strange. At least it's safely sewn into my hat now.

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Mojito100 · 27/02/2016 22:46

In memory of your darling boy. Imagine a candle emoji here.

I know you will have the mask on today but do let yourself cry as well. He was an amazing person to have so many people still honouring his memory. Take comfort as much as you can that you raised a wonderful young man who touched so many lives.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 27/02/2016 23:07

Thank you so much Mojito.

It's not going to be easy but every day is tough. Tomorrow will just be publicly tough.

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Mojito100 · 27/02/2016 23:49

For Paddy and for you. I wish there was more I could do than just remember him.

shabbs · 27/02/2016 23:58

Knew there was a reason why I bought a beautiful new vanilla scented candle today. Sending my love to you and some pin on smiles. Will light my candle tomorrow in honour of your lovely lad. Take care my friend - you will be in my thoughts xxxxx

magimedi · 28/02/2016 08:49

Thinking of you,Lily & Paddy.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 28/02/2016 21:06

Thank you very much.

Today has been lovely but very emotional. I felt very fragile and wobbly but pleased to see people. There were a lot of people at his grave and we had a lovely gathering. Lunch was really nice and I was touched that so many people had bothered to come and remember Paddy.

The sun shone for my boy.

I am exhausted.

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magimedi · 28/02/2016 22:47

Sleep well, sweetie.

Mojito100 · 29/02/2016 12:51

Always in my mind and heart. Rest up. You will be exhausted for awhile.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 29/02/2016 21:26

Today was Paddy's due date. Little monkey didn't put in an appearance for another week.

All these dates and all these reminders of what we've lost. (As if we need reminding).

So many of his old friends coming together to play hockey and remember Paddy and to talk about him.

Thanks magi and Mojito

I am totally exhausted. I should have slept like a log last night but instead I woke at 3am with my mind racing. So I got up and cleaned the house. Very long and tiring day and tomorrow I'm driving back to France. Does it ever stop?

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Mojito100 · 29/02/2016 21:37

Rest up in France. Your garden is your therapy. Just don't overdo things. Take it at a slower pace. A pace that works for you.

minmooch · 06/03/2016 11:28

Sending you much love today for Mothers Day and for Paddy's birthday tomorrow. Two very hard days to get through. Holding all our boys in my thoughts xxxxxx

Mojito100 · 06/03/2016 22:51

Happy birthday Paddy. It's your day where I am. Wishing you were still here with your family.

Lily - take care today. Hugs to you.

magimedi · 07/03/2016 08:34

Thinking of you, Lily and sending my love.

Mojito100 · 07/03/2016 11:46

It will just be the start of another memory day for you now - unless insomnia took over last night and it has been with you longer than this morning.

I have no true words of comfort other than "breathe" and it literally is just one foot in front of the other. If it's too hard putting one foot forward then my only recommendation is take cake and wine to bed and gorge yourself silly.

Thinking of you always.

Original poster

LilyTheSavage · 07/03/2016 15:44

Thank you everybody. Today is a struggle and I'm just about keeping a lid on my emotions. I have taken refuge in my bed with the electric blanket on. I just want to put my head under my wing and wait for this day to pass.

I made Paddy's favourite cake this morning and gave it to my builders.

I miss my boy so much. He should be here with us. There is no alternative. No choice. No end to this. My darling Paddy.

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Mojito100 · 09/03/2016 11:00

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