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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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jenmac22 · 23/02/2015 16:54

So good that you could meet up, I'm glad, it's an isolated, crappy club we're all in, and not one you'd wish on anyone, but to be able to speak with someone and not have to pretend to be fine, is a real necessity.

I hope so much that our darling children have met up, and are having a ball,wherever they are. Such good, happy and loving kids, must live on.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 23/02/2015 18:28

Very true Jen. I'm now absolutely exhausted and am lying in bed feel rather grim. I've cried off a supper arrangement as I just feel so yuk. I don't know if I'm over-tired or am brewing a lovely bug.

Hope you're ok today. xxx

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jenmac22 · 23/02/2015 18:45

Aw I hope it's not going to last, and you feel better tomorrow, you are probably exhausted lily. And emotionally shattered too. Just wrap up warm and sleep.
Xxx

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 24/02/2015 16:49

I'm feeling ok today thanks. I was just wiped out and lay in my bed or on the sofa all evening.

Wine all round.

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Mojito100 · 25/02/2015 10:08

When the emotions are so raw it certainly takes its toll physically and all you can do is just collapse and do as little as possible.

Been thinking of you lately and hope you are getting on. Hugs to you.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 26/02/2015 23:22

Absolutely takes its toll physically. I've been exhausted this week and most afternoons have felt like curling up and snoozing which is unheard of for me.

I went to Paddy's grave today to tidy up the arrangements and flowers from Christmas and to put spring flowers and bulbs there. I was horrified to find that one of the garlands I'd made for him has been stolen. (The church wardens don't touch flowers on graves) and I now realise that this isn't the first time it's happened. How can somebody do that? Despicable. I was so upset. It didn't help that on my way driving up through the village I was brought to a halt by some traffic lights right beside the bridge where Paddy had fallen and where he'd died. I sat and cried and cried in the middle of the road. Just glad nobody saw me.

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jenmac22 · 27/02/2015 08:59

Oh that's just shocking, I am so sorry you had to deal with that lily. There's some mindless shits about.
Aw lily. I'm just so sad for you, how much strength it must take for you to have to drive there and you just want to get past quickly,it's all too cruel.
Sending you love and hugs xxx

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:37

You are incredibly strong even going near the bridge. I can't bring myself to go near the one DD passed away at. I don't blame you for your tears and God it can hurt but I think it is still best to let them out than hold them in

I really can not comprehend why anyone would desecrate a grave. It just seems so bizarre, inane and pointless. Surely they can't want to hurt an unknown person?

I know the lethargy feeling you've had all week. Yesterday and today were the first for a long time I didn't feel like I was wading through treacle. It can be utterly exhausting.

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:38

Shabbs - do you need me to get in more WineSmile

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:45

Sorry Lily posted to Shabbs on wrong post. I need to pay more attention to what I'm doing.

I'm still shocked that someone would take things from Paddy's grave. I can't stop thinking about it.

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:54

Brew will be raised for Paddy and Dave tomorrow as I contemplate the day before I get on with the tasks at hand.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 28/02/2015 08:02

I'm very happy for you to get more Wine in Mojito and I'll share it with Shabbs and you too.

I'm still shocked. It's just unbelievable. My lovely DIL-to-be says that where her mum is buried graves are often vandalised and stuff stolen. How can some people sleep at night?

I wasn't as brave as you think Mojito. I don't really have any option about the route to the churchyard as the bridge is right beside it. I haven't stopped there and looked since the day after Paddy died. I can't. It just shatters my heart.

I had the joy of meeting another MNer this week who's lovely son died a year ago. We talked and laughed and cried (a lot) and then did it some more. Coffee cups will now be raised to Will. She said that when she was flying to New York she thought about being up in the clouds near her darling boy. I am flying somewhere on Paddy's birthday and will think of being close to him there. I love that image.

I have my coffee and will raise the cup to your DD and Dave and Paddy and Will. Brew

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jenmac22 · 28/02/2015 12:26

It shatters my heart too that you have to drive there at all.

:Yes I too look to the clouds and try to see if Dave has left me another sign in them
I hope Paddy does for you xxxx

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 01/03/2015 07:52

I'll look for Dave in the clouds as well. Promise.

Today I'm going to the boys old school for the Old Boys hockey match in memory of Paddy. I'll see a lot of his old friends. It's hard seeing them alive and running around. DS1 looks exactly like Paddy when he's playing hockey. I'm so glad to see him playing the sport they played together but it breaks my heart again seeing a Paddy-look-alike.

The coffee cup has been raised.

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Mojito100 · 01/03/2015 10:26

I was going to ask if there was a hockey game planned this year. How wonderful they are carrying on the tradition. It is bittersweet though and I do understand that.

I can't believe I've known you for a year. How lucky I am to have found you and had your amazing support. I'm sorry we had to meet like this though. I would turn back the clock for all of us if I could.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 02/03/2015 10:39

I can't believe it's a year. I wouldn't have guessed. I love that they remembered Paddy again this year and that I was able to go. I didn't think they were going to do it but they did. It's so bittersweet, and so hard seeing his friends running around playing hockey and being so vibrant and full of life. I'm glad to see them but it shatters my heart.

I am so glad to have found you too. The support works both ways you know. In a way I wish we hadn't met (or rather hadn't needed to meet if you see what I mean). Time turning..... there's a thought.

Thanks for Mojito.

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Mojito100 · 02/03/2015 11:58

I'm with you Lily. I also wish we hadn't met or certainly at least in these circumstances. I'm pleased you're here with me and I'm always there for you.

Cheers to your darling boy Paddy whose memory will live on.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 03/03/2015 09:26
Brew
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Mojito100 · 06/03/2015 10:27

It's not quite saturday here and isn't for you either but I just wanted to say......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PADDY.

Thinking of you Lily and all your family at this time. I am out for a drink tonight and will toast Paddy and you both. Take care.

It is so hard I know.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 06/03/2015 11:29

Ah, thank you so much Mojito. I started today feeling fairly calm but am descending rapidly. I really feel I ought to be in the UK tomorrow with DS1 and DS3 but in actual fact I'll be on a plane going to meet my husband in Africa for a short break together. We don't see nearly enough of each other. I shall look for Paddy up in the clouds. Hope you have a nice time tonight. XXX

I miss him so much. Every day. He's always there at the back of my mind. So many unanswered questions, so many what ifs, so many hugs I need to give him still. It doesn't go away. I grieve so much for my darling boy.

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Mojito100 · 06/03/2015 15:17

I know. I wish it wasn't so. Birthdays are hard but then as you know so are the random days.

Take care with your husband. I understand how you feel re wanting to be in the UK. He is always in your heart and mind.

I and my girlfriends raised our glasses to loved ones who have passed and I remembered Paddy when I did. I'm looking forward to my morning coffee tomorrow when I can sit and think of you all.

jenmac22 · 06/03/2015 19:39

Happy happy birthday to beautiful Paddy,xxx
You need to be with your darling husband,you're doing the right thing.
Your lovely boys will be fine, until you're back.
I hope tomorrow goes very quickly for you and you find some peace up in the clouds.
Sending you love and strength my friend xxx

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 06/03/2015 21:42

My loveliest of lovely friends. Thank you both so much. Your kind words bring me comfort and strength. I know you both understand. I wish you didn't have to.

I will look for our lovely babies up in the clouds tomorrow. That was Min's mental image and it really resonated with me.

Lots of love to you both. Flowers

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Mojito100 · 09/03/2015 11:31

You may not have great access where you are but I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Hope you are managing ok with Paddy's birthday having just passed.

As you well know it can hit you before, during and/or afterwards. Flowers. Take care.

Mojito100 · 15/03/2015 10:50

Thinking of you. I just have such an ache in my heart for you, Jenmac and all the others who have lost their kids. I just realised its Mother's Day in the UK which is why I can physically feel the pain in my heart knowing how much it hurts to not have them with you.

Don't know if you are back or not yet. Hope you have found done peace.

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