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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Miss my son so much

739 replies

LilyTheSavage · 10/11/2013 15:36

My beautiful middle son died on 10th August in a tragic and needless accident. It's three months today and I feel just as bereft and weighted with grief and sorrow as I did the day he died. It's very hard to bear. There must surely be others who have had this happen too.

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Mojito100 · 10/02/2015 08:40

Hi Maurice, I agree what a gorgeous little boy. I know all the issues you are dealing with at the moment especially as the loss is still so new and there is so much to do (which none of us wanted to do when we lost our beloved children but just had to).

I was wondering if it would be a good idea for you to start your own thread where you can talk about all that you are dealing with on this shitty journey you are on. This way it is your space to say what you like, when and how you like and allows each of us to check in with you specifically. It allows us to hear how you are going, hopefully hear about your beautiful boy and all your precious memories of him and show our support to you as an individual.

I have my own thread but also post to Lily quite a lot and I have found this has really helped me. I do share a little about my DD on other people's threads but sometimes I just want to talk about my DD in my space allowing others the freedom to post if they want. I don't know if this will work for you but I personally would love you to have your own thread where I can chat with you about your situation and hear about your boy specifically.

Apologies to Lily for my long post and I hope I haven't stepped where I shouldn't. Blush

jenmac22 · 10/02/2015 09:05

Hi Maurice, I think Mojito is right, it has helped me to set up my own post, and I think you will find other mums who will be in exactly the same boat as you, and get so much more support that way.
Please let us know when you set it up so we can all support you with this, much love, Jen xx

Maurice169 · 10/02/2015 13:05

I Think that's a good idea
Thanks guys
Will let you know

Xxxxxx

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 10/02/2015 17:05

Thank you.

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Mojito100 · 14/02/2015 10:24

Just checking in Lily. It's been a hectic week so I'm taking some time out for myself tomorrow morning by sitting in my favourite chair and raising my cup to Paddy and you. I'll be doing the same for Jenmac too.

Hope you are on the up.

Mojito100 · 14/02/2015 11:56

It's night time for me do I've just lit a beautiful candle so it can shine for Paddy, Dave and my darling DD. Wherever they are I hope they know they are never out of our thoughts or our hearts and they can see it shining for them.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 14/02/2015 14:18

I shall light a candle too. Thank you. Never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.
Thanks

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jenmac22 · 15/02/2015 00:18

Thankyou, xxx

Mojito100 · 15/02/2015 11:18

Here is where I sit with all the books and magazines I want to read piled all around. It's the most comfortable chair and so lovely with the sun and a light breeze coming through.

This is where I take time out to remember all those not physically with us and for those remarkable parents who are continuing on even though it hurts to do so.

Where I often think of Paddy and you and where I enjoy a coffee with my beautiful boys not too far away. It makes me appreciate how lucky I am to still have them with me.

Miss my son so much
jenmac22 · 15/02/2015 11:34

Looks absolutely lovely Mojito xx

Mojito100 · 15/02/2015 12:05

Dave and you were in my thoughts today Jenmac.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 15/02/2015 12:18

It looks lovely Mojito. I can't (for whatever reason) loads pictures onto MN.

Thank you for thinking of Paddy. I hope you're feeling a bit shinier today.

Lots of love.

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Mojito100 · 15/02/2015 12:37

I feel more peaceful having sat and thought about you and Paddy. I think not having the chance last weekend just added to my week of madness and knocked me slightly off kilter. It was lovely to do what I wanted today without the madness of running around to see people etc.

I really do feel rested having spent time in my chair thinking about all of our beloved children.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 15/02/2015 15:42

Sitting and resting and feeling peaceful has got to be good. I've just had a lovely long walk beside the canal with the dogs. They are lying on their backs with their legs akimbo. Taking some time for yourself is good, but for me it can be too much and I sometimes prefer the distraction of other (select few) people.

I'm glad you're feeling rested and peaceful.

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Mojito100 · 18/02/2015 11:51

I'm lying here thinking about Paddy and wishing I had met him. It may sound odd but with all you have said about him I wish I had known him in real life. There are times he and you pop into my head at random times which makes me pause and take a moment to reflect.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 18/02/2015 19:52

I wish you could have know him. He was so lovely. He was funny and kind, and bold and sweet, very loving and had such a twinkle in his eye. His sparky eyes got him out of so much trouble. He gave the biggest, tightest hugs. He loved his family and friends and his dog.

Miss my son so much
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Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 18/02/2015 19:53

My darling boy.

Miss my son so much
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Mojito100 · 18/02/2015 21:49

So handsome and you really can see the goodness in him shine through in his smile. Taken too early. It just shouldn't be.

jenmac22 · 19/02/2015 08:07

Aw such a beautiful, beautiful boy.xxx

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 21/02/2015 07:51

It's just so unfair and so wrong. I replay things over and over in my head and have so many questions that will never be answered. Learning to live with that is impossible.

People say that our darling boys would not want us to be unhappy and they'd want us to go on. How can life go on with one of the most important ingredients missing? How can it? Stopping grieving and stopping mourning seems disrespectful and wrong. The moments of joy are like little slithers of glass in anotherwise muddy and gloomy world. Will we always feel like this?

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Mojito100 · 21/02/2015 12:06

Lily - you summed up how I am feeling exactly. I thought I should check in and see how you are to take my mind off the gaping hole I have in my heart at the moment.

I want to cry, shout and go berserk but none of it truly helps. They should just bloody we'll be here with us and not gone. I don't often get angry but I just feel so robbed at the moment.

We find happiness for those around us and I do hope the grief never stops as they all deserve more than that.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 21/02/2015 19:25

I really can't imagine how the grief ever could stop. Nothing will change. The intensity of my love for my boys hasn't changed in the almost 25 years I've been a mummy, so how could it change in the 18th months I've now been without one of them. It doesn't make sense to expect it to.

Wine is helping this evening.

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minmooch · 23/02/2015 08:50

Looking forward to today. Maybe us meeting on earth will bring our boys together in the ether. Xxxx

Mojito100 · 23/02/2015 09:02

I hope you get to share memories with each other that are precious to you both. There may be tears but I do hope you both manage to have a laugh and remember those wonderful things your children have done too.

Original poster
LilyTheSavage · 23/02/2015 15:53

It was brilliant to meet you today in person min and share our memories and thoughts. Yes Mojito there were a lot of tears but only to be expected. I'd like to think of Paddy and Will being together, also Dave is with them.... and others. I wish I knew what I believed.

Hope to meet the others one day.... you know who you are.

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