Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I cant help it, I need you lot, dp died yesterday, I cant stop seeing it, it hurts so much

999 replies

TrinityRhino · 11/05/2013 08:40

everything hurts, I cant close my eyes without seeing it happening
he collapsed at home
I did chest compressions till the ambulance came
they tried for ages but he was gone
I cant stop seeing it
my arms hurt, my heart hurts
I'm exhausted
I cant do this again

OP posts:
Peahentailfeathers · 12/05/2013 07:24

Another one who's seen your story before. He sounds wonderful. You were wonderful - you did everything right and he would be so proud of you.

MelodyBaker · 12/05/2013 07:59

Baby steps trinity, one foot in front of the other and don't forget to breathe.
You should never had to go through this once let alone twice Sad

youarewinning · 12/05/2013 08:08

Trinity - I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

Thinking of you and sending love you you and your family xx

BoffinMum · 12/05/2013 08:19

Trin darling, is there anything practical we might be able to help with?

KansasCityOctopus · 12/05/2013 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BumpingFuglies · 12/05/2013 08:25

Sorry am so far away Trinity, like Boffin says, can we do anything practical? X

Nectar · 12/05/2013 08:26

I was so shocked when I saw this Trinity, so sorry for you and your girls. You don't know me but I joined Mumsnet around the time you lost your first husband, and remember it all. SO unfair that you're going through it again. xx

StoicButStressed · 12/05/2013 08:32

Trinity - thoughts are still with you.Thanks Am glad to hear DD2 was able to properly cry yesterday though cannot imagine your pain at feeling their pain on top of your own (certain you'll KWIM?) but know openly grieving is by far the best option.Sad Cruse site has a great list of resources/advice not just for you, but also for DCs and by age, it was invaluable to me for all my DS's when my Mum died but esp. for DS3(11) re his 'age-appropriate' reactions/school refusal etc.

I'm sorry. It feels a pretty pathetic offering in terms of help in this tsunami of just wrongness you are now all in, but it is the only thing I can think of that I can offer in terms of help. Well that and sending more big hugs and love. Thinking of you and so so grateful you have MNers with you.

Photos are beautifulSmile - DP's spirit and laughter and the very obvious fact he had so much love for the girls shines through in them. I am aching for you my lovely but also proud you managed to have a shower - is a massive fucking win.Smile Sx

Tiredtrout · 12/05/2013 08:32

Thinking of you today trinity, hope you are getting some support and at least a bit of sleep. He sounded like a lovely man.

BrainSurgeon · 12/05/2013 08:32

{{{hugs}}} from far away... I can't begin to imagine how this must feel, but I am very sad for you and the children
Your are such a brave person and this is so beyond unfair. I wish I could say or do something to help :(

MsInterpret · 12/05/2013 08:49

Trinity, so so sorry to hear this tragic news. We are here for you now and in the time to come but yes, you need some RL support - is anyone on their way?

MsInterpret · 12/05/2013 08:52

Sorry didn't realise thread began yesterday.

Love and strength to you and the family. X

Salbertina · 12/05/2013 08:58

Gosh, Trinity, have chatted to you many times over the years (different names).

I am so very sorry to hear about dp's death- he sounds so lovely in the picture you paint of him, the big strong man in his red hat. I hope this image and his evident kind love for you stays with you somehow to bring you comfort.

GladbagsGold · 12/05/2013 08:58

I'm so so sorry. Sending much love and hugs.

JulesJules · 12/05/2013 09:00

Oh Trinity.

I could hardly believe that this was you. I'm so so sorry.

K8Middleton · 12/05/2013 09:02

How awfully tragic and unfair. I'm so very sorry.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 12/05/2013 09:35

You were my first thought when I woke up this morning.
Good to hear that you had some sleep, and it's comforting to know that you are wearing his ring.
Well done having a shower and triple well done for staying off the fags and booze.
He looks lovely and you are amazing.
More big (((hugs))) from sunny Brighton.

knittedslippersx3 · 12/05/2013 09:49

We are still all here sending you love and strength.

ssd · 12/05/2013 10:00

another one who had to double check the dates here

cant believe this is happening again trinity

words fail me, but you are in my thoughts xxx

justaboutalittlefrazzled · 12/05/2013 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poppymagnum · 12/05/2013 10:08

Thinking of you all today x

ChestyNut · 12/05/2013 10:10

Just checking in.
Sending love this morning.

Have you some company today? ( apart from the DCs)

Mouseface · 12/05/2013 10:10

Trinity morning lovely.

I'm glad the girls got some sleep and DD1 let it all out, bless her.

Yes to milk, mint clubs, anything to line you stomach before the ibuprofen sweetheart. 4 hourly for paracetamol, no more than 4 doses in 24 hours, and 6 hourly for ibuprofen, again no more than 3/4 lots in 24 hours.

Yay for the shower!

Trin - If all you do today is hug your girls and breathe, maybe eat a little, then so be it. Nothing else needs to be done. Everything will happen in due course and the saddest thing about those last few words is that you already know. Sad

I have no words of wisdom, only love and kindness to send to you all through the interweb.

Giraffes - I'm glad you got some sleep you absolute star, your selflessness is so overwhelming. xx

Pillow - I hope you are okay too. xx

I know that the practical things will be taken care of for you Trin, like calling the school to them know about the girls not being in, that sort of thing but please say if there is anything that I can do to help, or anyone else. I know you have lots of support up there, and I'm an almost in Wales Mouse but just say it and it's done okay?

I don't expect you to answers my posts to you, there are so many! Blush

I'm was thinking of asking MNHQ (if someone hasn't already) if they would let this thread run past the 1000 limit so you don't have to start a new one, would that be okay? Or shall I not?

I don't want to step on anyone's toes or try to take over your thread.

Much love to you all xxx

ShowOfHands · 12/05/2013 10:17

Oh my darling Trin. I can't 'do' much but I can come and join the limitless support people are pulling together for you.

You are so, so loved you know? By your big, beautiful girls and your family and friends and a million MNers, FBers and Twitterers (Twits?), all of whom can't fucking believe that you or your girls have to go through this again.

People say a lot of stuff about only special people being taken or crap making you stronger and only the really brave have to suffer etc etc and the way I see it, it's a load of bollocks. There is no justice or fairness or reason to it. The only pattern is that more bad things happen to good people even when they've already weathered a mountain of bad stuff and finally come out the other side smiling. It is just what it is and it's unspeakable.

When my SIL died, my brother was there. When my Grandad died, my Grandma was there. Both saw things which seemed etched onto their retinas. They couldn't close their eyes or dream about anything else and what they saw, the details were horrifying. BUT I promise promise promise you that it fades and quicker than you might think right now. Those bits sort of become like the bad dreams and quietly become unreal. I think what happens is the real stuff, the big, bright stuff which made the person you're grieving, is better and bolder than the hideousness of what you saw. So in the end you only remember them and the funny things, the quirks, the curry and the crocs. Your brain will heal and gather up those good bits for you to focus on. In the meantime, you lean and lean and lean on the people around you, pull your girls towards you and know that we're all here.

I'm thinking about you Trin.

MofM · 12/05/2013 10:34

Trin, (it's MoM - I'll think of a better name if I decide I'm staying)

You were on my mind as I woke this morning. I know there is nothing that can be said to make this any better or easier. Just know that there are people thinking of you and they will hold you up with that famous MN love in the days to come and the days/weeks/months afterwards.

Lots of love xxxxx