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Bereavement

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Original poster

Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

972 replies

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 10:46

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

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t875 · 03/09/2013 00:10

What about CBB? He he. I am a reality freak! X factor!? I'm getting into it more this year as last year it all seems blur!! Xim such an owl! Do u play games on your phone hay day, candy crush, b blitz? Xx

supermariossister · 03/09/2013 00:25

have watched xfactor this week. not so good at games but worth a try.

t875 · 03/09/2013 00:40

Well I'm beaten and I'm gonna be blasted tomorrow! Lol was! But hey ho nothing new I never get to sleep before 12! Lol. Night Hun. Pm me anytime u want a chat too I can't always get here I do try when I can xx

supermariossister · 03/09/2013 00:43

night t, thanks for chatting hope you have a good week

Badvoc · 03/09/2013 08:06

THank you mama.
You give me hope.
I dint know what I would have done without the posters in this thread.
It really has been a lifeline for me.
X

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/09/2013 00:16

Hello everyone, have had a busy couple of days, sometimes there just aren't enough hours are there. Well I hope the beautiful weather is giving you all a much needed lift, I'm sure we can all do with it.
waterlego and crazykathope your mums are comfortable and enjoying all that the good weather brings. I know crazykat s mum is enjoying looking at the birds
badvoc I know it's very early days for you and things are still very raw, but I hope you have moments where you are enjoying something. Dosent matter what it is even if its only a nice meal, hope your mum is doing ok too.
t875 hope job is ok and that you are enjoying it ( and pay packet ) !
supermario hopefully your sad mood has lifted a bit now
ssd has your apt come through yet ?
biscuits it was nice to see you. Have you managed to get on with sorting stuff out, it's a horrible job isn't it
To wuldric and everyone , else in my thoughts and wishing you all find peace.

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supermariossister · 05/09/2013 06:42

sad mood has lifted a little but has been replaced with a "feck it I'm doing things my way" attitude which seems to be annoying some people Smile. obviously this makes it even better Grin . I am working my butt off to make sure this Christmas is magic for the dc as last year was an epic pile of shite so far it seems to making a lot of people moan at me. how are you all doing,the garden is still mad here but things are looking straggly now

Badvoc · 05/09/2013 07:55

I had to take my friend into hospital yesterday...she has appendicitis!
Poor thing.
She has her op today.
I am trying to get a handle on the household stuff.
I was in bed at 9.30 last night!
Things not going well with dh :( since dad died I haven't been keeping track of my spending and he is on my case about that. He never listens. I went to mums on Tuesday night and told him to phone me at bedtime if ds2 became distressed. He didn't so I assumed all was well. As it turns out he let ds2 cry himself to sleep Angry why? Why would he do that? Ds1 told me ds2 was nearly sick from crying.
I can't even talk to him ATM.
And I may also be a bit ore menstrual.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/09/2013 09:46

It's a very strange thing how some of our dh, s seem to of not given us the support which they , more than anyone else should of given.im fact at times I would say that my dh has been quite dismissive of how I am feeling, I think he is I'm the camp of ( you should be over it now ) and dosent understand how grief has made me feel so lost.
Yet my dh has lost both his parents and seemed to bounce back very quickly. Or is it upsetting for them to see us so sad and know that really there is nothing they can do to put things right. I don't know the answer but it seems to be quite common.
supermario why on earth would it upset others that you are doing so well towards Christmas ? You should be praised for that
badvoc that's a strange thing to do, is your dh normally good at putting the children to bed? Not surprised its caused a problem , I wouldn't be talking to him either.
Oh well onwards and upwards as they say. Keep your spirits up, your not alone, we are all here to listen to each others gripes !

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Badvoc · 05/09/2013 09:54

Mummylin...I feel like just telling him to leave ATM :( he does have form for ignoring me, sadly. He always thinks he knows better is the bottom line.
I feel torn in two ATM. I feel I need to be there for everyone. Keep the household running. And be around for mum too.
I just have nothing left.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/09/2013 10:06

It is a massive struggle to " get on " with normal everyday things after such a traumatic time and you are still in the early days of grieving. People see you getting on with things which lets face it if we don't do them then they don't get done at all. They see us cooking , shopping, cleaning and all that stuff and don't realise / think that it's all a front and inside we are broken. I think they tend to ignore this for some reason.maybe they too are grieving for the people we once were, I don't know.
Death has changed us all and we can never be the person we were. Yes we will go on living, but not in the same way as before.
I think not everyone is like this, many people can cope well and just get on with things. But clearly by the number of people on this thread there are a lot who are completely devastated.
Instead of you trying to be there for everyone, your dh needs to be there for you.all the upset going on is not helping you to come to terms with your grief.if it gets too bad get away for a couple of days to give yourself time away,could you go and stay with your mum. Thanks

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Badvoc · 05/09/2013 10:11

Thnaks mummylin.
It does help to know I am not alone x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/09/2013 15:48

I am having runner beans which I have grown from some bean pods I found in my mums gardening stuff ! As some of you know I didn't have a lot of success with them , but now I have real beans !!! Luckily my dh not fussed if he has them or not so I am going to eat them myself tonight ! My mum would be happy about this.

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Wuldric · 05/09/2013 16:32

I've been trying to sell Mum's car. No-one in the family needs it, nor do we need to trade it in or anything, so I have been dealing with second hand car salesmen (except they are not selling they are buying). They are utterly horrible, frankly. One of them offered me a third of what the car was worth. I politely showed him the door. I was making other arrangements, when he came back knocking on the door to offer me half what the car was worth. Do they have no mercy at all? Is anyone, at any point, always fair game?

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 05/09/2013 17:38

Everyone is out to make money wuldric they are not concerned why things are being sold or anything. It's a horrible enough time without getting ripped off too. Don't let them have it if its not a fair price, we didnt have that problem, we just have it to our niece whose own car was falling apart ! You could put it on eBay, in the local sales or something. Hang on for a fair price

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Badvoc · 06/09/2013 07:51

Mum is back in hospital - heart attack.
She has been having chest pains and not telling us. Had to phone 999 yesterday afternoon.
My dads sister is in too - not good. They have found a mass in her lung.
I don't think I can do this much longer.

Badvoc · 06/09/2013 07:52

Wuldric...have you tried the local paper? I bought my first car that way.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/09/2013 11:06

Oh my god badvoc I am so sorry to read this yet again. . You must look after yourself , as if you didnt have enough to cope with, if you find this all too much I would suggest going to have a word with your doctor or you will end up ill too. And now not only your mum but your aunt, why do these things all come at the same time, it's almost too much to bear isn't it. Thinking of you and you know we are here for you

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Badvoc · 06/09/2013 11:46

Thank you.
I just don't know what to do

supermariossister · 06/09/2013 13:20

badvoc thats awful, so sorry to read how things are going. you must look after yourself too, eat and keep your strength up even if you dont feel like it. we are always here xxx

Badvoc · 06/09/2013 17:11

Just back from seeing mum.
She seems quite perky.
They think she may have angina :(
My aunt has been ill for a while but I think losing dad was the final straw tbh.
I have bought a pierce and ping meal from M&S so will a have that now :)
Thanks for being there c

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/09/2013 17:25

I think they give people a spray for angina Badvoc, , so maybe not as bad as you feared . For your aunt. You may very well be right, are they in the same hospital ? Any idea for how long your mum will be there ? Enjoy your posh food !

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Badvoc · 06/09/2013 17:34

Mum has gtn spray already Lin and it isn't helping :(
She had to have morphine yesterday :(
Off to scoff....

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 06/09/2013 19:03

Oh dear. Have they said what other treatment is available to her ? Will she be in there long. What a terrible time these past few weeks have been for you, but you will get through it.

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Badvoc · 06/09/2013 20:00

I haven't seen the dr.
According to mum she may be home tomorrow.
I don't think they have any idea tbh.
Our old gp told mum 3 years ago she had had a heart attack and the hospital said she hadn't. There is definately some issue with her heart but they don't seem any closer to finding out :(

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