Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

thanks badvoc, I might check that out, I don't actually know my local hospice

good luck for your apt tomorrow and thanks for listening, sometimes that's enough xxx

You know the hypochondria thing? I totally get it.
I age always been a "take a nurofen and walk it off type person" but since dad died - the suddenness of of it, the shock, the randomness - I have found that every little ache or pain takes on a sinister meaning for me.
I am scared that I have the same as dad (unlikely) and that I will die suddenly and leave my dc.
I have no idea what we are supposed to do about these feelings...but you are not alone x

You are not alone badvoc and ssd, I worry every time I see my children, will I see them again. I worry when dh goes out and I'm alone in the house, will I be alive when he gets home, every scenario you can get . I am now so aware of my own mortality.
And I never seem to be able to have a good old laugh like I used to, I feel lost and. Fear I will never go back to how I was before. Can't be bothered with petty things and also am very short around stupid people. They annoy me intensely . So no you def are not alone.

Mummylin...ah. Yes. I was never one to suffer fools gladly but it's much worse now.
Sending hugs to you both x

I'm just the same. I think it must be seeing death a first hand and how it affects you. awful isn't it.

Hello all. I can relate so much that's been said in these recent posts. Everything seems grey and a bit pointless.

And the hypochondria too. I have had a lot of problems with anxiety in recent years, but never health anxiety- until now. The chances of my having cancer at my age are presumably fairly slim, but the fact that both of my (healthy and not elderly) parents have been diagnosed with it this year, and one of them already gone...my anxiety about my own health is in overdrive. I have been feeling unwell on and off for months with a wide range of different 'symptoms'. I've been to the GP 3 times and he is convinced it's stress and anxiety, but he hasn't quite managed to convince me of that yet.

I am so paranoid about melanoma (which is what my dad died of) that I have booked a 'mole scan' at a private clinic for £££. Thing is, that'll probably just be the tip of the iceberg. If they find nothing wrong with my moles, then I'm probably going to want a mammogram (mum had breast cancer 18 years ago) and checks in my stomach and liver too- as that's where mum's current cancers are. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to relax about my cancer risk.

It's just shit. This whole thing is shit and unbearable.

Lots of love to you all ladies. Sorry for the swearing. :)

With your mole waterlego has it dramitacally changed!? I have a small mole that's appeared but it hasn't got any bigger or changed in any way.

I can so relate to you guys where you have had your recent losses it is horrendous, panicky, traumatic so much! World upside down. Felt like a child again wailed for my mum! Still do some days!!

It has got a little easier for me as tes gone on and my mum being who she is/ was was such a down to earth happy smiley larger than life do anything for anyone lady. She has surged me forward to keep going and try to find that me that was buried in grief for my mum don't get me wrong I still do get tough times but they aren't as frequent. I know my mum would be sad to see me mourning her all the time
I try and push forwards and some days I can't think about my loss as it polverises me bad. And miss her so much. 😞 But then I find I can think of her with laughing at funny times, chatting to her.

I had a very strange experience tonight.
I was doing sewing making the top we brought the material for and I had the book with sew.., and my name on the title.

Well I was threading through the elastic through the top, pretty hard bodice top I'm doing and I said out loud "we'll t... You done a great job there proud of myself" and with that the lights flickered!! 😊 Was comforting. Who knows.. But I said thank you mum xx

Ssd - I def worry much more about health and every little thing to do with it now and def has made me more aware of my own mortality. I try not to think about it too much it drives me mad!!

Biscuits - ill pm you! Good to see you back
Hi to everyone else. Thinking of you all xxx

Hello all. I went to the crem early this evening to take fresh flowers. Well there was an old man there seeing to his wife's grave. We have seen him there a few times. In fact when mum died. He was there one day playing music ( the same as we had at mums funeral ) to his wife a d I thought it was very sad. Tonight as we left he was hugging her headstone with his head laid against it. It was one of the saddest things I have seen I didn't know wether to leave him or go and talk to him in the end I left him as I didn't want to intrude. But when I see him a again I am going to somehow speak to him. It was so heartbreaking to see

i like to think someone kind like you would be there when my mums husband is alone at the grave. i worry about him very much.

i am in a foul mood tonight trying to keep busy. switched coronation street off. yes i know it happens and yes it is very true to life in some ways but christ. i am so fed up of everywhere i do that word is there. i wonder if it was there so much when mum was alive or if i just didnt notice it as much.

I didnt see corrie tonight , I was out. Not long been home. It's all shit isn't it.

dont watch it, unless you need a good cry. or to smash a cup.

I'm sorry that I haven't read this thread in full, but I couldn't not post. When my dad died very suddenly 5 years ago I thought my world had fallen apart completely - it was such a shock, I had a 2 year old who absolutely adored him and I couldn't bear the thought of his granddad not seeing him grow up. It was by far the hardest time of my life, so I understand what all of you are going through.

In desperation at having no-one in RL who I could really talk to, at some unearthly hour of the morning I found mumsnet, whilst searching for forums on bereavement. It was the single thing that helped me through that time the most. Family and friends tried to help, but it was only here that I could be completely honest, rant, rave and weep, to other people going through the same thing who I would never meet.

5 years down the line, I still miss my dad every single day, but the old cliches are true and it does get easier. I now have another lovely boy who granddad would be very proud of, and who is like him in so many ways. DS1 still talks about granddad because we still talk about him - I'm sure he doesn't remember much but he knows that he was a real person who knew him and loved him very much.

I hope you all find the comfort and support here that I did, and that your pain lessens with time as mine has.

Thankyou for posting that [mama] I'm glad you finally found peace with it all. It's devastating isn't it. So was it five years before you felt you could cope with your bereavement ?

No, it was a very gradual process. I'd say the first 6 months were the worst, then I found out I was expecting ds2, which created very mixed feelings because although we were obviously very happy (and it gave my mum and the rest of the family something positive to focus on) it was unbearably hard to think that dad would never see him.

Since then there have been ups and downs, but on the whole I am quite a positive person I suppose, and I also discovered an element of spirituality which I didn't know I had, in that I really do believe that he is keeping an eye on us, and even that an element of him is there in my son, who, born just over a year after he died, is SO like him it's untrue.

We are a very close family and we talk about my dad all the time - not in a sad way but in an everyday way. He is still so much a part of our lives. We cleared mum's loft out last year and spent the day in hysterics and cursing him for collecting so much junk over the years - "Come on dad, what did you think you could possibly do with that??" etc. I'd say that has been the most helpful thing for us all as a family - to keep him alive in our thoughts and not shut it away as being too painful to talk about.

I probably sound really flippant - it has been such a long hard journey and there can still be a song come on the radio or someone can say something that breaks my heart. But then it passes and it's OK again.

Mamaduckbone thank you for coming here so very sorry for you loss and like you I found and still do a lot of comfort on this forum. I still do get the hard times and still can't believe it. But it's got a little better as times gone on.
I know she is with me I've had my signs some days they are a comfort sometimes I think 'I just want her here with me'
I keep my mums spirit alive as much as I can we still do all the things she loved to do with us and as a person. I'm so like her in more ways than I realized.
Mummylin. - how very very sad. I'd too go over to him and hold his arm or something.

Supermariosister - shout and rant at us Hun. A massive hug for you. I really know what you are feeling you are not in your own we are all with you. Xx

Mamaduckbone - sorry was meant to say would be lovely for you to pop in again anytime. ((((Hugs))))) to you xx

glad someone is although i wish you didnt all have to be. sorry i am not very chipper tonight.

mama I too am very lucky that I also have a very close family and like you I bring my mum into all our conversations, my siblings are quite happy to talk about mum but if I didnt bring her into our chats they wouldn't. But I talk about her every day, I will never not
t875 i really didnt know what to do and I couldn't casually walk to where he was because our car was in the opposite direction . But next time we could park nearer and I def will speak to him. Poor old soul. He looked so broken

Don't you be sorry Hun. What is getting to you I know obviously your loss, i know your prob thinking stupid question- So hard it really is. What have you been doing today? Have your children gone back today? Feel this cyber hug Hun xx

ds goes back to school this week, its a bit lonely when hes in school though i get much more done. we have spent the day with my grandparents, they help us so much and my nan was talking about christmas. which obviously got us talking about the run up to and last christmas which was an epic shower of shite, felt flat ever since really. then i watched corrie,tipped me over the edge!

Has someone died on corrie or something ?

nope was hayleys operation and they were told it was terminal. even though i knew it wasnt real it couldnt help making me think back. feel abit calmer now, think things just kick you into a bad mood.

Ohh I'm glad I steered clear of corrie I'm sure ill be shouting things at the tv. Neighbors got me when Priya died. I actually picked and chose what I watched I watched a lot of come done with me it was my savior in the early days.
Hoe tomorrow goes as best it can Hun here for you. I know what you mean I will def miss the girls when they go back but they r ready! Lol. X

Mummylin - how r u there? Is your sister any where near to moving nearer to you guys? X

Mama - what you wrote is the same here for me/ us we bring my mum in all the time, I talk to her a lot. I also am very spiritual and believe she is around me but I had this before my mum passed after we lost our beloved dog after 14 years! I felt him around me. I do feel my mum around me.
But I still do get tough times where it flaws me somedays. I've taken a lot of comfort from little things we've had here to give me a good sign she is around. She kicked me up the arse often when I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I'd hear her in my head saying come on this isn't good!! And I know people will dispute this but I had my name called twice and my name said the way she used too. So that is strange.

Xx

Glad you told me about corrie I think I'll steer clear! Can see how that rocked you Mario. Glad your feeling a little calmer now Hun xx

there is a distinct lack of things to watch whilst you cant sleep tonight :)