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Bereavement

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Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

972 replies

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 10:46

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

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mummylin2495 · 06/09/2013 20:39

Do you know if your mum is going to need anyone with her when she is at home ? Maybe you will have to go and stay with her for a couple of nights !

OP posts:
Badvoc · 06/09/2013 21:00

We have only just stopped staying :(
Thing is...if she won't be responsible for her own health I cant do it for her.
So I don't know what the answer is tbh.

waterlego6064 · 06/09/2013 21:02

Badvoc So sorry to read the latest- I can identify with the stress you're under and it is just beyond hideous. It's so hard to take care of yourself when one parent is ill and you're grieving for the other one. Are friends/relatives/neighbours offering help/support? If so, I hope you're able to take them up on it in some way. I know I have struggled to do so but I'm trying to let others help where they can.

mummylin I smiled as I read about the beans from your mum. Hope you enjoyed them :)

mama I, too, was moved and heartened by your post; thank you.

I am on a campsite in France which has been lovely, although I've had a few breakdowns. There are lots of retired folk around and I find it very hard to see them enjoying themselves; having nice meals out and so on. I am angry with them, and I resent them and that makes me feel horrible, but it's just how I feel.

This evening, my daughter asked a question about street lamps which started me off weeping (tenous link re my grandad who used to operate street lights, and that made me think of dad as a boy) so then I ended up lying on an airbed in the tent making a noise like a wounded animal...I didn't recognise the sound coming out of me...just a wail of raw grief. It's so unbearable, so painful. Bit calmer now but still a knot of pain somewhere in my abdomen.

Thinking of you all ladies.

Badvoc · 06/09/2013 21:03

Am too tired even to cry :(

waterlego6064 · 06/09/2013 21:05

t875 Re. my mole...I have literally hundreds of the buggers :( I'm aware of some of the signs to look for but have so many moles that it's impossible to keep track of them, hence I think the scanning will be a good idea, and hopefully put my mind at rest a bit (although potentially open a can of worms!)

waterlego6064 · 06/09/2013 21:09

Oh Badvoc :( I've been there, and I know exactly what you mean. I felt strung out; running on empty. Being away from home has done me the world of good...in many ways it's brought my grief to the fore and made me confront it, but I have at least been able to spend a lot of time just sitting in a chair staring into space which is what I needed to do.

Is there any remote possibility of a little break away somewhere for you, at some point? A weekend staying with a friend maybe? Just a change of scenery and an opportunity to just 'be', without any demands on your time. I hope you're ok, though I know that's a silly thing to say because what you're going through is the most stressful thing imaginable. Sending love to you.

Badvoc · 06/09/2013 21:13

I hope to spend a weekend with my friend in York but it won't be for a while.
I feel so...grey :(

waterlego6064 · 06/09/2013 21:18

Me too :( It's just awful.

I've never even to York but would love to. I really hope you can make that happen- can you get it booked in and make some travel plans etc, so that you've for something to look forward to? Mind you, it's just yet more 'stuff' to do, isn't it?!
How are things with your oh?

ssd · 06/09/2013 21:23

hi everyone.

Mum died a year ago today. I still don't know where she went. Am just sad, so very sad. Nothings the same.

I need something to let me know I haven't lost her forever, I can't bear it.

waterlego6064 · 06/09/2013 21:49

Oh ssd. I don't know what to say. I'm so sad for you; for all of us. The finality of it is bewildering and heartbreaking.

mummylin2495 · 06/09/2013 23:43

ssd it a horrible anniversary isn't it, reliving the day all over again,my thoughts are with you.Have you done anything today in her memory ?

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wandaonscrapmetalhill · 07/09/2013 00:35

it's coming up to year since my Mum died as well. The grief is like a physical weight I've been dragging round with me. How do you get through this?

Marshy · 07/09/2013 09:48

So....a sunny Saturday morning, off to the gym which I love, listening to great music in the car, I glance in my rear view mirror and see a mum and daughter in the cat behind me, one an older image of the other. My immediate thought process is "I look just like my mum too....but my mum isn't here anymore" Cue lump in the throat and tears.
Is this normal? I'm so fed up with random sadness.
DD off to umi next weekend, will miss her so, and have has a call back for 2nd stage breast screening following routine mammogram. Appointment is 9am Monday.
Have had enough to be honest.
Hugs for anyone struggling...

waterlego6064 · 07/09/2013 10:13

wanda I wish I knew. Un-MNy hugs.

Marshy I'm very sure that's normal. Anything is normal when it comes to grief, I should think. I imagine you must be very apprehensive about your appointment- I will keep everything crossed for you. Such a lot going on for you at the moment.

Badvoc · 07/09/2013 10:48

Marshy and ssd...sending love and hugs to you both x
Mum coming home today x

Marshy · 07/09/2013 10:58

Thanks for kind thoughts when everyone has so much going on. Have done gym and had a cry in the car, off home now.

mummylin2495 · 07/09/2013 11:30

Do you know what everyone, I have actually thought of something positive for a change. We all on this thread have the consolation that we were loved and loved in return. Some people never experience this in their whole lifetime and when I read some of the threads on here and people say they hate there mums /dads for whatever reason, it makes me happy that I know my mum loved me and I loved her. And that is why we all grieve so badly we have all lost someone we loved so dearly and clearly we are all struggling to make sense of it all.
It's amazing how we can go about our days relatively happy. Then a smell. A tune or a memory overwhelms us and we almost go back to the beginning all over again. I wonder will our hearts ever mend. We are all in the same boat but together we can and do help each other

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 07/09/2013 11:30

Does that even make any sense to anyone ?

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supermariossister · 07/09/2013 11:41

makes sense to me, id take my poorly mum who can't be with me anymore ten Times over anyone else. the relationship we had was so special and compared to some I would consider myself lucky to have that even if she is no longer here

Marshy · 07/09/2013 12:06

Makes lots of sense mummylin, and yes I guess sadness is inevitable after having loved so much

waterlego6064 · 07/09/2013 14:40

Yes indeed mummylin, makes total sense. 'Grief is the price we pay for love', and in my darkest moments I find myself wishing I hadn't loved him so much, then the pain would be less.

But I know I don't really wish for that- having had him in my life; having known his love and guidance and affection...makes this grief 'worth' it.

Badvoc · 07/09/2013 16:53

I understand totally Lin.

Marshy · 07/09/2013 19:30

I have found comfort in this thread today - thank you all

Badvoc · 07/09/2013 20:41

I know that I will always be expecting dad to walk through my door.
It's my fils b day tomorrow.
I love my fil but I am finding it very hard to be cheerful and to want to celebrate.
Sigh.
It's also ds2s 5th b day on 25th. Poor little devil, I've done nothing yet. He is having a family tea party at home (his request) and I need to start organising really...

Badvoc · 07/09/2013 20:42

...oh! I have got him a card actually.

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