Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

shabs, there was a pic of the lady. She had been a MNer.
expat, your poor friend. Know all too well how she feels. Feel free to give her my FB details.

xx

expat I am so sorry about your news. You will be able to offer such a deep level of understanding but how sad that you can and that you have to hold yet more unhappiness xx

shabba I have the radio on constantly. Stupid, loud dj's on commercial music stations I used to hate, (I was always a Radio 4 gal when I got the chance to listen).

Thanks hully x

Yes, shabba. Isn't she gorgeous? Gone too soon. Taken by bastard blood cancer.

Poor lady. I remember looking at the picture and thinking how lovely she was. Life is so very cruel xx

just wanted to say thinking of you all.

and so sorry to hear shuch shitty news

i;m not in agood place really right now
as you know its coming up to ds 1st birthday/anniversary of his death
all mixed up on the same day

i'm just a mess really, cryign alot, bursting into tears at awkward moments alot
feel ing more and more quieter and withdrawn by the day
keep thinking this time last year everything was going so well for us

everyday is just a struggle for me atm

stuff liek the weather is making me think of this time last year too, and i feel like im almost reliving things in akinda weird way

white, the special dates are hard, so hard. It's normal to want to cry and when you've lost a child, there is no awkward moment to cry, I could cry at the drop of a hat; people understand. xx

oh white, I can only imagine what it feels like to get to the first anniversary, with so many memories brought back. I am not there yet. I hope you can cry as much as you need to and know that we are crying with you. I spent a lot of yesterday in tears. Sometimes words just don't come or are inadequate xxx

Morning girls xx

I wouldn't swap 'now' for the 'early days of grieving' for a million pounds.

xxxxx

Afternoon Shabba and everyone. The snow has brought back memories of being stuck inside with Sean while everyone else is out sledging and having fun. He couldn't walk well and hated snow. We were prisoners in our own house, sometimes for days. I even miss all that

Yes, it's sometimes the littlest things that you miss. I hated cleaning Mia's higchair as we chose one (stupidly) with lots of nooks and crannies for food to hide in - she was always an enthusiastic eater and I would find porridgem raspberries and mystery mush everywhere... but meal-times were such a joy!

Does anyone else have any illogical hang-ups? We have been invited to an 80th birthday party of one of MrMia's aunts at Easter. On his birthday in 2010, when Mia was 5 weeks old, we also attended a similar celebration for another aunt. Exactly a year later, she died. My first thought, on hearing about this one, was that I don't want to go, in case something happens to Finn too. I know it is irrational - but MrMia admitted last night that he had the same fear.

Lots of snow here - about a foot now! Ironic, as the rest of the family is back now to 40 degree days and my parents have bushfires raging in the countryside around them.

thanks for your kind words, sorry i'm not posting on here much at the moment, just not really feeling upto it.
just keep trying to hang in here somehow

I'm feeling very low just now so laying low.

I had a weird dream the other night I was crying and Richard was crying and we just hugged, that was all I could remember but I found it comforting.

Oh, lavandes, it sounds like Richard paid you a visit!

I think Sylvie-Rose must be off doing other things, I've had no signs for a while.

Today has been a veil of tears. I am just so choked up.

I am hoping these words come true for all of us struggling so badly at the moment...'However long the night, the dawn will break' - African proverb

We have just reserved a bench in our local park and will get a plaque for it. I sat on it today, looking out over the lake where Sean used to feed the birds and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I am so pleased we have found a special space for us to remember him

oh, Vera, that sounds like a perfect way to remember Sean.
I do think things get brighter but it's a sun that rises slowly, not a quickly-breaking dawn

hi everyone been quite down of late so a bit awol. I'm under extreme pressure academically at the moment too. I have lots of exams coming up and I'm struggling to focus. I can't bear to realise what happened with DD so I just pretend it's not true, I've almost convinced myself. Hmm.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say hello to you all

Happy 21St birthday to Billie MrsDevere x

Hi cafe. Good to see you.

I went on a two hour childminding introduction course the other day and couldn't focus on anything. They might as well have been speaking Mandarin. Medical exams must be a world of stress. The very best of luck with them x

Went to my lovely, lovely SIL's 50th birthday party last night. A lady walked into the venue who I remembered. We had lived near to each other but she had moved away when my twins were newborn but had been told that DS3 had been born.

Conversation went like this.....

Friend: Hiya, oh my word not seen you for about 26 years - you haven't changed!!

Me: I knew it was you when you walked in through the door.

Friend: Oh you had twin boys didn't you - they must be in their 20's at least by now.

Me: Yes they just turned 31 but did you know Gareth had died?

Friend: OMG I am so, so very sorry I had totally forgotten...Oh I dont know what to say now. Im so glad you had Matt though he was a beautiful baby.

Then she clasped her hand over her mouth and sobbed. 'I am so sorry, I remember your SIL told me what happened. Oh I feel such a bloody idiot please, please forgive me. I dont think before I speak.

I assured her that she had not made me sad but that she had made me smile because she remembered my sons.

We spent ages talking and laughing together. Although she did think that DS4 was my grandson

shabba, that poor lady must have been kicking herself! But how lovely that she remembered your boys. LOL at ds4 being your grandson. I expect that will happen with our ds4 too!
I remember my uncle's wife telling how she was out walking with her ds2 in his buggy. She had him in her late 30's. A lady stopped to admire him ( he really was a beautiful baby) and then said "And you must be his granny!"
Uncle's wife was very miffed!

shabba you made that lady feel ok about her mistakes. It is a really generous thing to do. It would be easy to be angry, hurt and take offence. I know your positive attitude is the way forward. I know that in the end, being angry and hurt makes other people avoid me in my grief, but it is hard to be generous and forgive other people's rubbishness with grief all the time.

I DO try but some days I just feel bitter and so desolate and lonely when I feel people are forgetting Sean and forgetting I am in constant pain. Not good at the moment.

Two neighbours crossed the street to avoid me yesterday. I felt really, really angry for the first time since Sean died. I could have screamed in their faces. Another neighbour has said nothing about my son but just trills 'hello' cheerfully at me when she can't avoid me. I want to smash her smug, cowardly face in.

I hate the world and I'm raging.