Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

I can't watch that one with the song, chip. It just reminds me, that Aillidh will be 9 forever. I can't watch that Coulson's or Colson's or whatever one with the lady first finding out she's pregnant and going through it all till her baby walks. I think it's the music, but even DD2 knows to switch that one off.

I will also, never in my life, watch 'One Born Every Minute' again. Aillidh loved it and wanted desperately to be a mother. But instead she got a burial.

Do you think children grow up in heven or.stay the same age

white, a lovely friend said once that she had heard that children do grow up but that a year in heaven is like 20 years here so that they don't grow up that much.
I have heard that everyone grows up in heaven till they are 21 and then they stay 21 forever.
So I take it to mean that Sylvie-Rose will be around 2 when I see her and my Dad and I will both be 21.

I guess what chip said. I'm quite unsure of it all now.

chip's words really stand out to me, thank you so much. I am speaking now with a woman whose daughter died of the same cancer as Aillidh 40 years ago. She is 71 now, and says it is great comfort that she will most likely not see out another 40 years without her child (she has health problems now). She has crossed, in a sense, to a side closer to death than life, where she is now closer to her child, and her husband who died of a brain tumour 10 years ago.

She was an atheist when her daughter died, and though she does not consider herself a classic Christian now, her experiences of near-death experiences, via her husband particularly, have convinced her that she will be reunited with her child after death.

I think about ages too. I do think Mia is growing up as her friends do, which is why I love to see what they are doing and learning. But at the same time, I worry that she and I won't recognise each other when I eventually see her, because we both will look so different. So paradoxically, I also believe that we all somehow change our physical form and become something like beautiful balls of light, powered by love, and it is that love which never changes and how we recognise the people we love... probably quite an unusual point of view!

I have no idea about growing up in Heaven... Beatrice was severely disabled, and lots of people have suggested she will be free from her disabilities in Heaven. But I never knew her as a 'normal' baby, so would she be the same Beatrice? Will she and I know each other when we meet again? It's too early in the day for these ponderings!

Talking of Christmas, I just asked dd2 what she would like, and she simply replied, 'Beatrice' How I wish I could give her her heart's desire.

Morning girls xx

Tom is not well at all. Took him to Emergency doctors last night. He has an middle ear infection and a throat infection which is causing a spectacular rash all over his body. The night before (around 3am) I was knelt on his bed with a glass pressing it on the spots!! There are measles going around his school as well.

About 1am I rang the NHS helpline......I talked to her at first and gave her all the details. She asked how could she help. My words 'Are you sure my son is not going to die' I now feel so stupid. Talking to a total stranger and asking ridiculous questions. I started crying and told her my entire life story I dont 'do crying' I pride myself (stupidly) on being the one who comforts others and is strong. xxxxx

Ah shabs. How is Tom this morning? And you? Hope you can see someone today and find out what is going on. But your question to the NHS Direct lady is totally understandable, I would also be thinking the same thing. You know the 'dark side' of fear and statistics, so of course you are scared. No shame in showing it.

The antibiotics have 'kicked in' and he has managed a piece of toast this morning....he is drinking gallons of water and is just having a hot chocolate - thank God.

Have rung school and they say the outbreak of measles seems to be confined to year 7.

His temp has dropped as well. The cough now sounds like an old dog and not like a car engine starting on a frosty morning!!

I cant believe that I said what I did last night but I was panic stricken....even my 'pin on smile' had gone.

Precious memories of our beloved Richard loved and missed so much, but he lives on forever in our hearts.

This must be so distressing for you Shabs of course you will panic. I am so glad Tom is a bit better today. xx

Oh, Shabs, I told the nice Grandad in the barber's all about Sylvie-Rose because I was afraid he would think I was unhinged otherwise! And now ds4 has a cough and I brought him again to the Swiftcare Clinic to make sure there was nothing left in his airways! The doctors in there will soon know us by our nicknames!
I have read a lot about near death experiences and I am sure that we will recognise our children and they will recognise us.

I just wanted to share something on this thread.....though I'm not someone who has lost a baby in the same way as you have.

A younger me was forced into a termination when I was in an abusive relationship and I always regretted it...that I didn't have the strength to get away from him and mourned the loss..

About ten years later, I got an amazing job...a real fairy tale of a job and I felt so proud. I thought about my relatives...my Great Grandmother who couldn't even write when she arrived from Ireland at the turn of the century and other female relatives who didnt have the chances I got to get an education....but who influenced me so much when I was growing up.

I wanted them to know about my job....that night I dreamed that I was at home and the door knocked...I answered it and there was a crowd of my relatives...ones who have passed away a long time ago...all women....the crowd went back and back so that I couldn't see all the faces.

I recognised some and others not....but they were all related to me, I knew that....I saw my Grans sister who had been born in the 1920s....they were all nodding and smiling at me and two of them at the front, had prams.

In the prams were two babies. I knew that they were mine.

These relatives had come from the other life, to congratulate me and they brought my babies to show me that they were looking after them.

It was the strongest feeling...I KNEW...I didn't just suspect that this was the case. I now know that babies are cared for in Heaven by relatives. It's a lovely thing to know and I just wanted to share. I hope I haven't offended anyone because my babies were taken from me in very, very different circumstances to the terrible losses people on here have had.a

shabs I'm so glad that Tom is a bit better :) As the others have said, it is understandable (probably normal) to worry like you did. Hope Tom makes a full recovery soon xx

Mrs what a lovely dream, I'm glad it gave you some comfort x

Exactly one year ago I was standing in the little chapel at the cemetery, readin poems for Tamsin... in an hour she will have been buried for one year

Can't how lovely! I find that so comforting. One of my cousins had a dream that my Nana was looking after Sylvie-Rose and that my Nana was very young and beautiful.

Oh, Tami! I so admire the way you read out those poems for Tamsin. I couldn't do anything in the church at all. Dh did but I couldn't.

Just to add my little sweetheart, who died in March aged 3, suddenly while asleep. We recently found to out that he had an overwhelming infection which caused his lungs to fill and cause cardiac arrest. It was very quick and there were no symptoms. I miss him.

I find other peoples views of heaven fascinating. My personal view is that he can see me, he is with my mum, and he is always going to be 3. When I die I will be 31 (the age I was when he died) and we will see each other as we were on that last lovely day together.

I am finding it really tough at the moment. Its always awful, but at the moment I just am constantly in tears and feel a really heavy sadness all the time that I just cant shift, even if I try and concentrate on something else, which normally helps.

Obviously I have always known that he has died and isnt coming back, but the more time that goes on the less that I am able to cope with it.

xxxx

Tam, have lit Aillidh's candle for Tamsin.

shabs, you poor soul! How frightening. How is Tom now, hopefully well on the upswing now?

It was very scary. He still has the spectacular rash all over his face and torso. He is very sleepy and not hungry at all. Drinking gallons of water and the occasional hot chocolate. Tom is hardly ever ill - just colds now and then....and he has the appetite of a horse usually. I was so frightened. My head was shouting at me and telling me it wasn't serious but my heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I haven't felt so worried and so afraid for many years x

How is he now, shabba?

Sat at the side of me watching 'I'm a celebrity!!' Feeling sad he says.....feeling rubbish, tired and sad. xxx

Oh, poor lad! Is he sad because he is so ill? I'm glad he's perking up a wee bit, though.

He is reading over my shoulder and just nodded when he read the first bit of your message - going to take him and get him settled down for the night. xxxx

Oh, bless him! He just needs a bit of TLC, shabs and he'll be right as rain.

He will - Im sure of that Chips.

Im sorry Expat and any of you other ladies who have had a child with a serious terminal illness. I have gone on and on about Tom and he just has an infection. Have read my messages again and they now sound very selfish.

xxx

No they don't shabs. When you've lost a child already, if the others fall ill, you always think it could be a terminal illness. And it you've already lost two children, then you must think you've lucked out so badly that any kind of shite could happen to you.