Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

Phew so glad everyone has gone now. Just my side if the family to get through tomorrow, I've always been.more worried about boxing day than Xmas day, mainly down to Xmas day was at our house and small numbers

Boxing day is at mums and there will be lots of people

Phew so glad everyone has gone now. Just my side if the family to get through tomorrow, I've always been.more worried about boxing day than Xmas day, mainly down to Xmas day was at our house and small numbers

Boxing day is at mums and there will be lots of people

My five I'm truely sorry for your cousin, I hope the staff are treating her and her family well and making sure they get time with their baby.

Expat sorry to hear todays been so shit for you. And a hasn't been mentioned.
I've still got a candle burning here for all our children and I'm thinking of you and a. And everyone on this thread
So sorry even your sister is not really givig you the support you need

5boys, how dreadful. I'm so sorry.

expat... much the same here! I'm climbing the walls every second is torture, down to question from stepfathers dm - so how old were you before everything went wrong in your life- and so don't you think you've disappointed your family by leaving law- to my insensitive witch of a mother refusing to allow me to light my candle. I had to tell her how dreadfully insensitive and merging on mad she is. It's now lit, has been since lunchtime, much to her disgust. She's also got rid of DDs 2 photos that were in a room here. Oooh I could go on...

Sorry no festive magical posts from cafe :) thinking of you all though x

*verging...
white, well done on surviving today

verging absolutely

Cafe I was just thinking about your earlier post. Where that person started telling you to.move on, and you explained why you don't move on, you just have ti learn to live with this heartache, then they said they don't want toi argue.

Well what o hink they ment is, I don't want you to resonable explain why you are how you are. I just want to critasize Nd tell you what to do

Sorry about crazy posting. On phone x

Other than lighting a candle and thinking of ds today. Im trying to think of other ways to include ds in Christmas.next year. I'm going to take the table decorations

That I made.for today, oasis with greenery and candles.and flowers and fircones. Down to ds grave. And we took.some lovely flowers for ds on Christmas eve. But I want to do.something to include ds more on Christmas day. Any ideas

I'm crazy phone posting too. Argh I wish I never had to see these people again. It's so hard hey, especially when charade and crackers come out. I got no presents either, which I was pleased about cos I don't do christmas, and I was also told to bring my own food. I don't mind, but it IS both hostile and truly rather bizarre but that's my stepfather not my mother saying that....anyway,next year me and DS will not be in this country!!

Those are lovely ideas white. I'm not sure I've mastered this even though I'm on my fourth Christmas without DD. If I could have something moving forward with just me and DS then id like to share a story about DD or read a poem or go somewhere on the day. I find lighting a candle is ok for me because I know what it means, iyswim

Well thank god that's over and done with. I knew it would be bad but I had no idea quite how bad. DP managed to upset me and my whole family by picking a row at the dinner table and then went and had a total full on crying meltdown in the bedroom, leaving me to put on my happy face in front of various relatives, nieces, nephews and DD for the remaining eight hours. This is our life now. Poor DD, my poor little girl. I just wanted it to be special for her but we failed. I ended up going for a walk - in the dark - to the churchyard at the top of the road. There's a grave there of a little girl called Brenda who died aged 14 months back in the 1960s. It broke my heart when I first saw it - long before DS died. I went and found it and I knelt down there and cried my heart out. This is our life now. Sorry for all those who are having an awful day too xx

cefe, im so pleased to hear you wont have to spend christmas with these people next year, they actually sound a bit abusive to be, but perhaps im going ott.
they dont sound good to be around at all, that is for sure.

where will yu be next year?
have you already said?

you know me and my concentration issues!

yes we never normally have candles, so this was a first for us, but we know what they mean
i don't know just wish i could do something more

hi matilda, well done for surving the day, your through it now

big hug

was it dh that went off to the bedroom ?did he stay there all day?

White, No he did emerge a bit later but by then I was just so fed up with him I didn't really speak to him for the rest of the day. I knew it wouldn't be a barrel of laughs today but I wanted it to be about being close as a family and remembering DS and neither of those things happened in the end.
Cafe, what's WRONG with these people??? I think you'd be quite within your rights to never spend Christmas with them again. And bringing your own food??? Who said the art of hospitality is dead? I'm so sorry your family is such a washout. xxx

matilda. even if it didnt go as you would have wished i still think youve done really well just to get through the day.
and you have been remember ing your ds.
i'm sorry thta you and you dh clashed though, that really sucks me and dh do that soometimes usually over the silliest things

anyone else have alot on tomorrow?
or at new year?

Yes, I always feel I can just about cope with it all if me and DP are united, but the minute we argue these days I just feel myself spiralling downwards. I was never like this before. In the early days after DS died I was so proud of how together and strong we were but it doesn't feel like that any more. Now I wonder if we'll make it to next christmas. I'd better try to get some sleep now White - wishing you strength for tomorrow. I've got another big day too. Then I'm going to bloody well hibernate til this rotten year is finished. xx

yes i know what you mean, just after ds died, me and dh seemed amazingly close, an unbreakable bond

but as times goes on, soometimes are grief pulls us in different directions, sometimes closer together sometimes pushes us apart

hope you cn get some rest

just another day for us to get through again tomorrow

matilda, dh and I have had some dark days too. I think it seems worse because in your head you imagine that after going through something like this together, that nothing could ever tear you apart but sometimes grief changes people in different way.s
Even if you look at this thread, you will find that some people find it easy to talk to strangers about their dc's and other people don't. Dh was shocked at how easily I talked to people about Sylvie-Rose and particularly about how she died. He also finds it very difficult to look at photos of her, I find it hard not having them about. So, even in simple things that you would imagine no-one would ever fall out over, we clash. Not necessarily arguing, though sometimes we do, but just tiptoeing round each other.
We have bouts like that and then bouts when we're in harmony. Don't write off your relationship just yet, these early days are tough.

cafe, how awful of your mother! I think you are right, next year you and ds do something fun together. We do make martyrs of ourselves at Christmas thinking we need to see people or we will ruin their Christmas but then they go and ruin ours!

I put on the turkey and then dh and I went up to Sylvie-Rose's grave with her present. I got her this flower fairy figurine. I put it beside [[http://www.efairies.com/store/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=6700&idcategory=13 this] house which is already there. But I forgot the baby Jesus for the little crib I have there, he will have to wait till tomorrow!

K, we're moving! Either Glasgow or Edinburgh but it's looking like Stockbridge in Edinburgh. ANY one of you is welcome for Xmas, bring kids! Have car, can collect at train stations or airports.

It'll a traditional flat. Plenty of room!

We'll have a nice Christmas and there will be a place at the table for all our children, candles, songs and toasts.

We have sleeping bags, futons for people to sleep, memory foam toppers for camp beds, a hot shower, etc. most of all, a place where bereaved parents and their children are welcome, accepted and understood.

Morning girls xx

Been awake for hours!! Yesterday was - the only way to describe it is to shrug my shoulders. My parents came for their Xmas lunch. With Mum having Alzhaimers I think (I hope) that sometimes she forgets about the death of her two grandsons. Yesterday I had candles everywhere and they did look beautiful. She came in and said how lovely everything looked. Then she saw my two big pictures of my boys....she walked over and just traced the outline of their faces. She turned around in tears and said 'precious boys.' When they were going she hugged me and said 'Thank you for making me laugh all afternoon and remember I am going to be with them long before you and I will protect them and love them like I did when they were here.'

I love my Mam & Dad xxx

LOVING the idea of camping out in expats!

Oh, shabba, your Mum sounds amazing! That brought a tear to my eye.