Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

midnight mass will now be starting at the church where ds is buried, he is right next to the building, i can't help but wonder if he will be thinking what on earth is going on up there at this time of night and enjoying the music, or perhaps he is around, ive seen a couple of feathers today, one was even on my laptop

anyway peace and love to you all

Wishing everyone here a gentle day, thinking of our amazing children, and the infinite love you demonstrate every day. I can't think of any peaceful words, but simply send love. Xx

Oh flip I'm all stired up..think I need a drink tomorrow

I won't even think about wishing you all a happy Christmas. But I will wish you all a peaceful one.
Love to you all, my amazing friends xx

Thinking of you all. My post may be garbled I'm on my mobile. Still eating chocolate now everyone's in bed. Self destruct mission....did drink for a while expat but I have such an addictive personality I forced myself to only drink now socially and only very lightly. But I could do with one now! I've had an evening of 'why can't you be more like your sister she's going to get all a*s she's fantastic' (she's not bright but she works hard, I never do my work but still achieve , I'd love to be able to be like her) anyway it was just annoying she was doing a piffly essay on abortion, baby death and the meaning of life when I walked in and got all stroppy with me, I said nothing other than how well written it was and I told her some very relevant case law but she didn't want to know. But then I am told by my mother I should feel guilty for not noticing DD was ill sooner .....er, she was in hospital on the first day of her illness, thanks, i'd say that's pretty quick...then I was told 'you just have to get over it and move on'. Aaaaaaaaah sorry, it just got to me, this from a woman who only met DD perhaps 4 times and who was ashamed to have a grandchild so age never told her friends about DD. She never accepted her. and I have to endure extended non family tomorrow who are ignoramuses. Oh boy. Drink...

However, I hope you have okay days - I have now lit my candle for all our precious children I will make sure it doesn't go out over Christmas

'But then I am told by my mother I should feel guilty for not noticing DD was ill sooner .....er, she was in hospital on the first day of her illness, thanks, i'd say that's pretty quick...then I was told 'you just have to get over it and move on'. '

You're a nicer person than I am, cafe, because if my mother said that to me, it would be the last thing she ever said to me.

I'm sitting here drinking wine and crying now. It's only about 10PM here, though.

It's only 8.51. Sorry.

I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive, too, cafe. You really don't need it.

prettydaisies thank you for posting x

5boys I'm so sorry to hear that, awful news and worse , not that it could be worse, but n a way it's dreadful at this time of year

I did day, excuse me but until you've lost a child you can never, never comment that I should move on and get over it. You have no concept of the loss and its something I will never get over. She then said I need to move on and forget about it....my blood was boiling and I would've happily taken off straight back to London if only trains were running. I told her the loss is so deep and profound that to continue to survive means I have to build it into my life as it is so overwhelming, make my life big enough around it to accommodate it, and carry it forward with me. She had no idea what I was talking about and said 'oh don't start an argument' I wasn't being argumentative...happy days..... :)

Arf. I've nearly run out of chocolate!

I'd be out of there on the next train. I really would. But I'm a cow, too. :o

The get over it and move on would be the nail in the coffin of our relationship, which I would happily bury.

I'm feeling mischievous I'm thinking of reading a poem tomorrow for DD because it would be nice for me to integrate her somehow in Christmas, and other lost family members as both my grandparents died very recently too, but also just to make everyone uncomfortable their reaction and horror would be priceless

I'm glad I said something, but she never listens. Utterly clueless. She always blames me for things that aren't my fault. DD may have had an underlying problem but I acted at lightning speed when she had any symptoms. How to make me feel even worse, oh its your fault she got so ill....ummm, how?

I would do it! I'm not going anywhere where my children, all my children, are not welcomed and made to feel comfortable. Channel your inner, bitchy expatinscotland, cafe, I know you've got it in you!

She's still just amazingly insensitive and cruel.

Yeah I had therapy at age 8 and my grandma raised me....my mother and I have never got on!

Just popping in to wish you all a peaceful christmas. A candle has been lit in West Sussex in memory of your precious children xxx

Hi I'm.hiding in the kitchen on my phone, wishing you all as peaceful Xmas as poss. Cafe v well done on sticking up for yourself c you've done well there, ill try and copy if anyone says anything mean ti me. Fuck others will be here soon.

Love to you all and our precious children x x x

Finally Christmas here. My carol for today is that Maroon 5 song 'Payphone'.

My cousin had her baby boy Scott at 12.04 this afternoon. So so sad :(

Oh, 5boys, I'm so very sorry.

Well, this is turning out to be the shittiest Christmas ever. No thanks to my family, who have done their best to forget about Aillidh entirely.

Lesson learned. This is the last time I shall see any of them in this life again.

Expat I'm so sorry you family have been so shit. Christmas was always going to be shit as your first with Ailidh, but I had hoped your family especially your sister, was going to make it slightly easier for you.

Im so glad today is over.