Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Sorry, forgot to say, that's lovely about the rose chip. It must be a real comfort to feel your little girl's presence in so many ways.

We had a nice and peaceful day so far. Had cuddles in bed this morning and reading all the lovely messages on FB and people sending texts.
This morning we went to the garden centre and bought some aubretias to plant on Sterre's grave. We went over there and DH started digging to put the plants in and DD1 got a bit confused as she asked whether we were digging Sterre up.
Met the parents of the little girl who's buried next to Sterre, she died not so long ago aged 9 months of a heart failure.
After that we went to a nice pub and had a lovely carvery in honour of our little girl.
Chilling on the sofa now, once my food has gone down a bit I'll be baking a cake with DD1 :)

chip how lovely about the roses! Sylvie-Rose is such a clever girl!

hugs for everyone! x

Hello Blue, what a lovely day you have had to honor Sterre. Hope the cake baking is fun x

Oooh :) some of our friends in Sweden have sent us some flowers via Interflora! Such a lovely heartfelt gift to remember our little girl! They also lost a little girl a few years ago.
(the only thing the florist has done wrong is put them in a new baby wrapping and a baby box ) But I will not pay attention to that!

Sounds like you have wonderful friends and family Blue

Chip love that your rose has appeared from nowhere. Very special x

Blue That is lovely of your friends :) You have honoured Sterre so wonderfully, your photos are beautiful xx

Matilda (((hugs))) It is horrible. I had Tamsin buried, but I miss not having her 'physically' here. It's not fair to go through it all, and to lose at the last hurdle, I know xx

My mum made me feel like crap, and a bit stupid today. I bought a load of enamel paints from the hobby shop, along with a gorgeous pink butterfly lantern, and butterfly tealight holder, for Tamsin's grave. I plan on painting on some rocks (I thought rainbows & Tamsin's name in gold) to put on Tamsin's grave, and for the garden. My mum thought I'd spent a ridiculous amount of money, as she won't appreciate it. Gah...

Tami very silly of your mum to make you feel like that! If that is the money we have to spend to honour our girls than that is the way we do it! If she would have been alive, you would buy her presents too, probably even more expensive ones than what you spent on the paint! x

I buried my beautiful, beautiful son yesterday. He died at 2 days old. Yesterday was just so hard. Visited him today too. I miss him so much. In a selfish way, it feels like I'm grieving for myself rather than him. We've waited so long to have him. All the hospital appointments, tracking bump progress on the internet, looking for nursery stuff.... I just want to be able to bring my baby home, feed him, be up all night dealing with feeds + crying....

It's only 2 weeks since he passed away but I can't help thinking about when to go back to work. Any advice? I'm entitled to my full 1 year; have decided I definitely won't take longer than 9 months, thinking of going back start of December, but family are worried as to how I'll cope/what I'll do with all that time on my own. I know its very early days and I'm rushing myself way too soon, but I'm a planner (personal problem I've had for some time!) and I can't stop.

I just want to bring my baby home

SHJJTJ big hugs for you! Burying your baby feels so final, doesn't it? Like you say, it's very early days for you, why don't you wait a little while before making a decision about how long you'll stay at home?

I'm in love with No Matter What since Blue introduced it to us. It is so meaningful, we've since had it read at Xander's dedication service because it was the perfect way to include our whole family. We have it on his bedroom wall above the cot too, opposite Belle's angel wings.

We've been busy getting ready for tomorrow. Belle's name bunting is up in the window, her birthday card is made, our friend delivered a cake she'd made for her today, tidied our garden ready to decorate tomorrow etc. Now if the weather could hold off until well past midnight so we can send a lantern at 00:08 I'd be grateful.

Visited Belle today with a friend so they could leave her birthday flowers. its such a mess up there. A grave above her had been reopened for a 2nd burial and they had obviously piled the mud all over her headstone, its in such a state. Mud everywhere. I'm quite upset, but at least I've been up there today, and know to take sponge, water, etc to wash her stone and make it pretty for tomorrow. I'd have been hysterical if I'd only discovered it in that state tomorrow.

Fi - I love your birthday plans for your little lady. I will light my candle at 00.08 in honor and with respect for Belle. xxx

SH sorry I missed your post before. I echo what everyone else has said about returning to work. I went back to work 5 months after Belle died, in hindsight it was far too soon, and I was back in work 4 months before I felt like I was coping with it properly. Don't feel pressurised, just take the days slowly for now. I'm so sorry about your baby boy.

Sat watching the clock now, just waiting for the day to start.

fioled your plans for Belle sound wonderful, as the longest day approaches, may there be more sunlight and daylight to glorify the memory of your little girl.

blue it sounds as you have feted Sterre in the most wonderful way, and how lovely that she has been remembered by your friends. And thank you for that wonderful story, I have never heard it before.

SHJJTJ so sorry that you find yourself here as you mourn your gorgeous boy, and the life that you want to have. I resent all the things that I can't do now with Mia. We are here to hear all your dreams for you and your boy if you want to share them... Please, just be gentle on yourself, and try not to be too persuaded by your family. People always worry about how bereaved mothers will pass the time, for some reason... only because they care. But do what feels right for you. I would only say that it is very early days yet, and grief isn't something that can be timetabled - although as a planner, giving yourself daily tasks to accomplish might be helpful. Just don't expect too much of yourself. Allow yourself to crash if you need to.

matilda yes, how indeed can this be? Yet it is, for us all. Unbelievable and shocking. And this is our life. Lovely, I am so sorry. x

tami, chip I dreamt of Mia last night too. It was wonderful, but too short. It has been ages since she visited me in my dreams. Maybe she is copying her friends?

chip that is definitely a Sylvie-Rose rose. Absolutely.

tami it is not for your mother to comment...

I went back to work (was a cook in a cafe at the time) a week after Matts funeral. I had to. We had no money coming in....I also had to get out of the house. I walked in the first morning and we did a breakfast delivery service. We simply picked up the next order, made the food and sent it to the companies that had placed the order. I picked up my order....at the top it had the name of the company. The company were the same ones who had knocked my son down and killed him. I scanned down the list and there were the names of the 3 dickheads delivery men who were in the lorry that reversed over Matt. I remember making their sandwiches and my tears dropped all over the orders. I have no idea why I went back to work. I have no idea what had happened to my boy. It was my way of 'coping' but it was so very much the wrong way to do things. My DH was laid off work within a month because they said that he had to deal with the public and he also HAD to stop crying I have no idea how my family made it through those early days - no idea at all xx

Blue I love that, thank you

Fioled thinking of you, your DH, Belle and X for tomorrow. Sending you all much love

Tami your ideas for the pebbles and lanterns sound lovely. We've been seeing a bereavement counsellor and she says that the ways we remember and mark our children's lives and our love for them is our way of still parenting them. It's so important that we do what we feel is right for us and for them. Nowt to do with anyone else.

Shabba what an awful way for you to go back to work and for your DH to be treated

MrsK - it was not a good time - we allowed ourselves to be 'bullied' and treated like crap. To be honest, the vast majority of people, even strangers were totally amazing. We kind of blundered from one small disaster to another.....believe me 30 years down the line from loosing one of our 7 month old twin boys and 20 years down the line from Matt being killed THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN NOW. There are times when I want to 'hunt down' the people who hurt us......although I dread to think what I would do if I found them!!!

Just awful Shabba

SH, I went back to work exactly 6 months after Sylvie-Rose was born, which was just four months after she died. I needed that time and could have done with more.
I think the mistake family and friends make is in thinking that we need something to "take our minds off it" This is wrong for two reasons. The first is that nothing could possibly ever take your mind off the loss of your child. Nothing. And even now that I am back at work, I still think about her all day, every day. I can still do my work but she's always somewhere in my mind.
The second reason is that you don't want your mind taken off your child. You can't be with them physically so you are with them mentally. And that's the way it should be.

Shabs, you must have wanted to spit on that sandwich. And how that bastard was OK with working after running over your child the previous week I don't know.

Fioled, what a lovely day you've planned for Belle.

Tami, of course Tamsin will appreciate the lovely lantern and stones! What a clueless thing for your Mum to say! I have to say I am always tempted by pretty stuff for Sylvie-Rose's garden. It would be covered in knick-knacks if I didn't occasionally remember I have living children who need socks and underwear!

Happy Birthday little lady - I hope you have found my sons - they would love you to bits. xx

Morning ladies xx

Thinking of you and your family today fioled and Happy Birthday to your beautiful Belle xx

Wishing you a lovely, peaceful day fioled and family.
Shabba Shocking. You're right. It would never be allowed to happen today. You poor thing.
SHJJTJ I am so sorry about your son. It's such early days and only you will know when you feel ready to return to work. I'm self-employed so have started working again this week, seven weeks after losing my son, and actually it's been ok (so far!), but then I work from home and don't have to go into an office and 'face' people which I think would be harder. Do what's right for you and don't be in a hurry to make a decision. Things change so much from day to day in those difficult early weeks. Wishing you strength xxx

Blue thank you for the story. Not read that before. Sounds like you gave Sterre a beautiful day xx