Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

fioled what lovely friends you have! I'm scared that my friends and family won't remember... Although I told quite a few people why I'm taking a day off tomorrow.
I had ordered a birthday card from Carlymarie on Redbubble beginning of June, which still hasn't arrived, scared now it's going to be too late, please let it arrive in the post tomorrow!

Matilda/MrsY interesting you saying about moving, I really want to move out of area too. Husband says we need to wait a year as don't want to rush the decision, but I have felt the same since the day after he died. If I am to make any kind of life for myself I really don't think I can do it here. But like you said Matilda it would mean leaving my family and all my friends, and I have spent years making a good network of friends so that they can all grow up together. Now can't think of anything worse than watching them grow up without him. xx

blue will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. I hope people remember for you too xxx

On the whole moving thing. I felt it too, I wanted to run away from here, but like twinkle my husband said we should wait a year and see how I felt then. At the time I couldn't cope living next door to the newborn girl who was born the day before Belle died. My curtains weren't opened for months because of the pink things outside, I nearly had panic attacks leaving the house incase I saw her or her stuff.

I don't remember when, but one day here felt like home again, when we got to Belle's birthday I didn't feel the need to move away anymore, so there is some truth in waiting. This rawness will subside ladies and your homes can become your havens again.

Twinkle, I'm sorry, I don't know your story, but it sounds like early days for you, as others have said, be kind to yourself, I think others have felt the same with their living children but it has got better.
I don't have family living near me, but I remember in the early weeks dreading answering the phone in case it was my Mum, and as much as I love her I didn't want to speak to her about Jacob and my feelings as they felt so private. I know she was/is grieving too for losing a grandson but I felt her grief took away from mine, selfish really I suppose. It's fine now most of the time.
Oh and the driving along screaming in the car! And then stopping when you think someone might see, still do it.

Chip a celeb! Oh that would be lovely!

First I'm not sure what your post said but I hope you didn't take what I said the wrong way, obviously it's all very emotive but I didn't meant to cause you any upset or offense in what I said xx

Tami Thank you :) I know what you mean about having "met" like this, I feel the same also. My wedding day was one of the happiest of my life, I was pregnant with Scarlett then, we married in the September so she's in the photos, kind of :) It's nice to have those photos of me pregnant with her, we were both so happy then; we're a different kind of happy now. I always feel like it's a before and after. (hugs) dreams are so real aren't they, I hate the way they feel sometimes and others long to get back to it.

MrsK I found father's day harder, it was so odd, it really crept up on me. I know what you mean about defining the relationship with other people, I often feel that. I know I was spoken about a lot after we lost Scarlett but I was lucky in that I was able to avoid the school for a while as my mum helped a lot with the school runs and dh. I just couldn't face people, I wish I had in a way as I didn't really get asked about Scarlett because of the time that had passed I think.

Taipr remembering Jenifer xx

Blue I hope they do remember. x

MrsKwazii, I have gotten better at gardening since Sylvie-Rose died but am woefully behind at the moment.
One thing I will say is that for years we tried to grow a pink rose in the corner of our garden. It never really took off. It got overcrowded by the Laurels we planted to give us some privacy and another very prolific plant beside it. But I always associate pink roses with Sylvie-Rose.
This year, that rose has just burst beautifully into flower and I think it's a message from my girl to tell me she's here ( and a much better gardener than her mother!)

That's lovely Chip, must be a gorgeous reminder of Sylvie-Rose every time you see a new flower on it

Oh MrsKwazi I don't blame you for not ever wanting to clean those windows.

As for the gardening, I like the idea of immersing myself in some kind of relaxing hobby but I don't have a garden unfortunately so will have to come up with something else. I have always been a bit of a bookworm and am reading an awful lot at the moment. It's always been a bit of an escape route for me at difficult times and it's really helping me in my hour of need. I'd be interested to know what have others found useful in terms of distraction/relaxation/escapism?

Sending strength and love tapir and Jennifer, Blue and Sterre, fioled and Belle . Beautiful names and beloved children. xx

matilda reading excellent trashy sci-fantasy and chick lit helped me a lot. I was able to forget for a while. Sleeping. Pulling out weeds and pruning - destructive yet constructive at the same time - perhaps there is a charity which would know where you could do this privately and help someone? And writing on here, writing about how I felt, how I feel, helps enormously.

mrskwazii We have a Mamma Mia rose in the garden, and have planted a red oak too. My parents are sourcing some beautiful Mia irises for us as well. I tried to plant a whole bed of Mia named flowers, and while they 'exist', I haven't been able to source any of them easily... as for memories, I have a napkin ring sitting on a kitchen shelf where Mia left it, in front of jars of sugar and pasta, and have absolutely no intention of moving it.

tami you do just want to revisit those magical dreams, don't you? But perhaps she came to tell you that she is happy, wherever she is, and it was important for you to know. My mother had a very similar dream about Mia at Christmas, and she found it immensely comforting.

chip Sylvie-Rose is very busy at the moment, isn't she, popping into dreams and words...

tallulah I still resent the question of "how are you?" especially by people who have been too scared to stay in touch until now. I feel they have no right to know my private thoughts and just reply "what do you think? my daughter died."

My dad has just sent across the complete set of videos he took of Mia, from birth, then Christmas 2011, and then his visit in June last year. New memories to add to our collection, more valuable than any jewels. Mia was so - well - Mia, just as I remember, noisy and smiley and squeaky, and so very happy...

Sorry I haven't acknowledged all the chats on the thread here, but hello and .

Thank you all for your lovely thoughts and (hugs) to everyone.

Much love to blue and her family today - happy birthday Sterre xx

For blue and sterre. Happy Birthday. x

I am sorry I am a little out of the loop at the moment, I will catch up, but I am doing my first Keeping in Touch day today and a little nervous. I work in sales so will have to have "the conversation" a lot and over weeks since I don't see every client everyday. They all knew I was pregnant.

Thinking about us all, hoping we can find some peace in our memories and not just sadness. Wish I could take my own advice!!

Sending my love Blue to you and all your family. Happy Birthday little lady xxxx

thank you lovely ladies! x

Happy first birthday my darling Sterre! Love, like starlight, never dies! xxx

Happy Birthday Sterre, thinking of you Blue.

Hope your KIT day goes as well as it can Mech.

blue birthday wishes to your beautiful girl, Sterre.

mecha maybe you can ask a colleague or manager to send out an email (or whatever) to your clients and explain your situation? But maybe you could write it yourself, so you know precisely what is being said... It will be very draining if you have to keep on repeating yourself, and that seems unnecessarily harsh. x

Good luck with the KIT day, mecha

Happy Birthday, Sterre! Love and light to you and all the family, Blue. x

Happy birthday Sterre. Thinking of you today Blue, sending lots of love xxx

Sending love to you and your family today blue and Happy Birthday to Sterre xxx

Happy birthday to Sterre, our little star. xxx

The loveliest thing. I was telling you yesterday about the pink rose that suddenly flourished in our garden. Well, yesterday, I had also noticed that a pink rose had burst into bloom against another wall of the garden. I had thought it was one my aunt gave me as it was planted in that area. BUT... when I went to look at it, it isn't' one we planted at all. It's a wild pink rose that just came out of nowhere. I feel its another sign from Sylvie-Rose. Sylvie means woodland. My woodland rose sent me a woodland rose.

Thinking of you today Blue, lots of floaty hugs and kisses to the birthday girl Sterre xx

Chip What a clever girl! How lovely xx

Happy birthday little Sterre xxx
Hoping we all have peaceful days x

Thinking of you today Blue and your precious Sterre xxx
Good luck with the keep in touch day Mecha
We just picked up D's ashes. Although I'm glad to finally have them at home with us, I feel very sad and empty. All the months of TTC, the nine months of carrying and growing and loving my baby, the hospital appointments, scans, eating healthily, the hopes, fears and anxieties, the endless discussions about baby names, googling every last little pregnancy symptom, trying to do everything by the book, the dreams of our future, all the months of extra work I took on so I could take time off for my maternity leave, and all I've got to show for it is this little white plastic urn. How can this be?