Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Morning ladies.

We had 'No Matter What' read at B's funeral, it was the story I read to him in hospital as a bedtime story. I love the last line.

Shabba, that's just so sad. Really, I'm contsantly amazed at our ability to get through the worst possible moments with even an ounce of sanity.

Sylvie-Rose is such a clever girl, chip. Can you ask her to give B a nudge in that direction!

Blue, sounds like you celebrated your little lady's birthday perfectly yesterday - well done to all your friends and family for honouring her.

SHJJTJ, so sorry for your loss, welcome to the thread. I echo everyone else's comments - give yourself time and space to absorb what has happened and learn to live in this new reality.

Gentle hugs to us all, and kisses to our angels.

MrsK Thank you xx

Fioled wishing beautiful Belle, a very Happy second Birthday. Thinking of you & your lovely family, and hope you all have a peaceful day xx

SHJJTJ Sorry that you had to find us here, but a very warm welcome xx

I am so so sad for all the children and parents who have been parted too soon. My heart breaks for all of you. We lost our beloved son two weeks ago, an extraordinary, beautiful baby, stillborn at 41 weeks. Today is his cremation. I have no idea how I will turn and leave him behind us.

Everywhere I go now, I see the spaces where all the children who ought to be here are missing: in the streets and playgrounds I see the gaps as well as the people. Our son should be in our house, his house, by our bed, growing up immersed in the love that is here just waiting for him, wishing he could come home.

You will find the strength from somewhere today Veronica I promise you. You will do it for your beautiful boy. I'm so sorry. It's all so wrong and nothing will make it right but you will find a way through. Wishing you strength. I will be thinking of you today xxxx

fioled Happy Birthday to Belle, It sounds like such a lovely thoughtful day you have planned with her!

blue I am glad you had a peaceful day for Sterre. There is a little girl near Dexter in the graveyard and I am strangely glad he has her for company. I think about her family often.

shabba thats awful :( I have no words to express how sorry I am, and angry on your behalf!

SHJJTJ I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Of course you are grieving for yourself as well as your baby. It is such a huge and terrible thing to have to deal with. I know what you mean about being a planner though. I had my first day at work yesterday, not going back properly, just doing one of my "Keeping in Touch" days. I lost my son six weeks ago. I think to be honest I would be thinking more seriously about going back to work properly sooner if I was not also waiting for my gallbladder to be removed next month. I agree with what chip has said (as usual!) but for me it was not a case of taking my mind off him. Nothing can. But I would be grateful to fill the time. Only you know what is right for you but it is such early days. Do what you think you need, not what others want you to do.

Tami that is very cruel of your mother. She is your daughter, of course you want to bring her presents. We are saving up for Dexter's headstone and it is both comforting that we are doing something for him and heartbreaking that this is what we have to do. Thinking of getting him a stone owl in the meantime to watch over him, there are really cute ones in the garden centre near us. "The owl and the Pussycat" was one of the poems we had read at our wedding.

My KIT day was alright actually. Sadly because I work in an electrical supplies office with a trade counter it would be really impossible to send an e-mail round to everyone. I would have to send it to the sales offices I deal with, and they would have to tell all the engineers who come in to pick things up and I would feel like a source of gossip and hate it. Everyone was kind though, said they were sorry, asked how I was and carried on as normal. Sounds cold but that is what I needed. I have gotten thick though. Had to really think about how to work the phone or where things were in the warehouse. And I cried on the bus all the way home like a crazy lady. It's just last time I did that commute I was pregnant and looking forward to my maternity leave starting soon and planning the nursery and I was happy. I am doing two days next week to cover staff holiday, then meeting the surgeon on the 5th July and that will help me decide when I am going back properly.

It makes me smile reading about all the signs and dreams flying about at the moment! what kind and clever children :) I am still waiting for mine though, and feeling a little sad and jealous.

Wishing us all strength and peace today. Epic boring post!

a sad but warm welcome to Veronica I hope today brings you some peace. We buried my son Dexter, and walking away from him was so so hard, but it did bring me comfort knowing he was safe now and I knew where he was. Thinking about you and sending you peace.

Veronica I am so sorry to hear about your son. As has been said, you will find the courage. Right now you are in the blackest, darkest space, but it will become brighter again, you will find the strength to carry on (yes you will always have the grief, but it's as if you are weight-training, and grief becomes less heavy to carry around). I hope today goes peacefully for you xx

Mecha That was far from boring :) Glad yesterday went as well as it did. The tears sound perfectly normal, you did really, really well xx

Hi Veronica, so sorry to hear about your darling boy. My son Benedict was stillborn just two days before his due date. We are coming up to two months since his funeral, it breaks my heart every time I see a blue bib or little hat etc., and go and visit friends thinking I should be taking him too. As Tami says, the grief doesn't go away, but you become able to deal with it more. Someone comapared it to broken glass on a beach. After a while, the glass is still there, but the tides have whethered the edges and it can't cut you anymore.

Glad you KIT day went well, Mecha, fingers crossed the meeeting on the 5th goes well.

I just read up and one of my posts dissapeared, so sorry, Fioled. Thinking of you and your family today. Happy Birthday, Belle. xxx

Veronica I hope you found the strength when you needed it. There are few things harder in life than what you've had to do today. Sending a big hug xx

I met a good friend for lunch today for the first time since D died. Of course there were tears but I also found myself laughing a couple of times and - just for a few minutes - I caught a glimpse of my old self and was very pleased to see me! I thought I'd disappeared forever. It gave me a bit of hope.

MrsY That is a lovely metaphor about the bench and the glass.

Matilda, glad you enjoyed your lunch. Our old selves have been changed forever, by something awful, but they are in there and they will heal. I figure all I can do now is work hard to be a good person and the lovely mother that Dexter deserves!

Wishing us peaceful nights and only happy dreams.

Just popping in to say to Caz that Belle is remembered here. Happy birthday little one xx

Morning ladies xx

Thank you for the thoughts ladies. It was a special day, we had lots of lovely messages and gifts, really thoughtful and her garden is decorated, as is ours at the house. We couldn't send a lantern at 00:08 because of the stupid rain, so we lit candles in the heart holders outside instead. X helped to send a birthday balloon and blew out candles on her cake, so he'll be a pro for his birthday now . We finished the day having a glass of champers each to raise a glass to our girl and we actually managed to send a lantern before bedtime. It was a bit breezy, but when we finally got it off it looked beautiful floating away. We're going to send another one next week on her funeral anniversary. Photos will be on fb sometime later.

I was ok yesterday, a bit teary but got through without a meltdown. Today I'm absolutely shattered.

How is everyone else doing today?

Hiya Fi...sounds to me like it was a perfect day for your lovely girl. I often think that the 'build up' to a birthday or remember day is much harder than the actual day.....and then, afterwards, comes the exhaustion of it all. I do love my sons birthdays. Will soon be Matts 28th birthday - he shares it with my brother in law who died about 17 years ago. This year my BIL would have been/is 60!! They were both barking mad and, wherever they are, there will be some serious partying going on

Really glad fioled you had a special day for Belle yesterday. No wonder you are shattered, must have been so emotional.

shabba you are so inspirational always :) I love the thought of Matt and your BIL having mad parties!

I have a wierd morning today. I am meeting for coffee the mum of the little boy who had the incubator next to Dexter in the NNU. We got chatting while I was in there and discovered we lived literally two streets apart in a fairly small hamlet. Her little one is still in the NNU and getting stronger everyday, thank goodness. They are lovely people and we had wanted to keep in touch, but now I have to leave in half an hour and I am really nervous! Wish me luck.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day. xxx

Hope it goes well, Mecha, it sounds like a hard thing to do, but I'm sure once you're there you'll have a good time.

Glad yesterday went well, fioled, hope you have a restful day today.

Mecha, good for you! I keep meaning to contact two of the Mums from Sylvie-Rose's NICU. They texted me after she died and were so nice.

Hello ladies. Well done for going to see that woman Mecha, it's a very brave thing to do. So glad you had a special day Fioled

I've just done possibly the saddest thing ever...had a dentist appointment and I'd ticked the box saying that I was entitled to free dental care as I'd had a baby and it had been written on my notes. The dentist saw this and started asking after the baby. And what did I do? Said, oh he's fine thanks and ended up having a conversation about the difficulties of juggling a toddler and a newborn! Partly because I couldn't face telling the truth, but also it felt so NICE to talk about him as though he were here. I almost believed it myself for a minute. Don't worry. I'm not about to go completely bonkers (at least I hope not) and I have made a mental note to switch dentists so I don't have to keep up the lie for the rest of my life! Strange times we live in.

Oh darling, how sad. I've been so tempted so many times. I also had a dentist appointment recently, and had totick that box. If it wasn't for the fat I had the Mouse with my I would have totally broken down.

A couple of days ago I got talking with someone in a queue who noticed my tattoo. I tod her it for was my son and I had one for my daughter. She went into raptures about having one of each and a 'perfect' family. I could feel myself wanting to do what you did, matilda, but stopped the words, smiled and nodded. Then left the queue saying I forgot something.

I went to the loos and sobbed for a good ten minutes. I wish I could talk about him without having to say we'd lost him. :(

oh matilda big hugs for you!
I remember going to the dentist last November and the receptionist asking me whether I had to pay for it and me saying yes... as I had to send back my exemption certificate. She looked a bit puzzled! Will have to make another appointment soon!
and another one where I went to the pharmacy with a prescription because I had a UTI, this was 2 weeks after loosing Sterre and I hadn't send certificate back yet and the lady asking me whether I had to pay and I said I didn't know as I had just had the baby but I had to send certificate back because she had died, she just gave me my medication and said she was sorry.

Ah yes the perfect family conversation. :( Sometime last summer we were Tesco's in a long queue at the tesco direct counter for something we'd ordered. I was heavily pregnant with X, so obviously conversations about my life become public property - what is that about with pregnant women and babies?

Anyway, had the 'do you know what you are having' question, 'little boy' I said. then it was 'is he your first?', 'no' I said. 'What is your eldest?' to which I replied with ' I had a little girl before' - careful to use past tense but not go into details because I was in no state that day for conversations about my deceased daughter with a stranger. This women then went onto to marvel how wonderful one of each was. I just made a quick exit and left DH queuing for our order.

I hate the 'is he your first' question even now.

it's so hard to have these conversations. I was training another teacher recently and she asked me if this would be my first baby. I said it was my third then tried to carry on with what we we're doing. Then she asked what I already had, I very quickly said a girl and a boy but she kept at it and asked how old they were and if they were excited. I had to tell her. Once I did she was amazing. She said how sorry she was and asked what had happened. IME this is never the usual response. She listened as I told her what had happened to my boy and she was just so lovely and compassionate about it all.
I agree that pregnant women are just fair game for so many questions.

We have had the "If you have any more children, when will you tell them about Dexter? You wouldn't want to upset them by telling them too young" conversation a lot, and he has only been gone six weeks! We always said there would never be a time when they didn't know about their big brother. I really don't know how I will handle questions about how many children I have. I know what you mean about hating to always have to talk about our little ones in the past tense. There is a certain amount of not wanting to upset people I supposed, mixed with a healthy amount of "it's none of your damn business"! Pregnant women really are public property, aren't they?

Had a great morning meeting this other mum, strange as that sounds. We sat down to chat at 1030, then suddenly it was 230 in the afternoon! It was great talking to someone who had met him and knew him a little, and had been in the same physical place as Dexter had. She has asked us to stay a part of her and her little boys lives if we feel we can and I was so touched. I would always say hello to her son on the way past, and I have missed him and been thinking about him. I worried she would just look at me and think of sadness and pain. I feel like the monster under the bed sometimes. Like a cautionary tale to frighten parents. Look at Viv! Bad things happen sometimes! She is a walking reminder! Look away from her and think happy thoughts!

Hope we all have a good Friday. Think we are going to be daring tonight and open the , my gallbladder be damned.

xx

MrsY I was planning to get a tattoo for Dexter. Had always planned on one since we knew he was on his way, a dragon for his chinese star sign, but it seems even more important now.