Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Special memories of our beloved Richard today on his birthday, loved and missed so much xxx

Happy Birthday Richard....thinking of you Lavandes and sending all my love, as always xx

Happy birthday Richard.

Thanks xx

Happy Birthday Richard, thinking of you Lavandes Hope today is peaceful and kind to you xx

Happy birthday Richard and (((((((())))))))) for you Lavandes

lavandes sending Richard sparkling birthday wishes, filled with love for him, you and all your family.

Happy Birthday, Richard!

Mech, I do hope you get some answers but I know all too well, sometimes you end up with as many questions as answers. I think it can be helpful to write all your questions down and don't forget that you can ask for a follow up appointment as well xxx

Was on twitter and someone pointed out that a bloody t**t of the highest order has been making jokes about Gary Barlow's baby. I don't want to give him the ammunition of mentioning his name but he was an ex BB contestant years ago, very strange man. How can someone think this is funny? and he was putting the @ symbol on too, so it would show on Gary Barlow's timeline.

I have hit the wall. I am too hot, with blisters on my feet, hanging around for my 3-8pm shift. It has taken me 3.5 hrs to get here, after having to walk through central London to drop off a huge file of Mia's medical documents to our expert. I had a rubbish call with my parents this morning, as Mum wants to talk about Mia's upcoming birthday and my pg and coming out for the birth and really resents that i have asked her not to. I miss Mia so much. I am now crying in the loo, for goodness' sake!!

Oh, Mias >
Your hormones are bound to be all over the place and you are working too hard as well.

Aaahh, Mias, sending you cool breezes and big hugs. Sorry you are having a rough day. It sounds like very hard work, especially in this heat, but what an amazing thing to be part of and you'll be able to tell Mia's little brother or sister that they were at the London 2012 Olympics! I hope you will get the chance to take it easy soon. xxx

Miasmummy (((hugs))) I think you are amazing. Cry for Mia all you like, as chip says, you have even more reason to, with the hormones etc. I hope the blisters get better soon, and I hope you get a chance to put your feet up & rest in a few days xx

Chip I wish that Twitter would take that vile man's page down. He seems to love the publicity, so other forums that are naming him, are just giving him more air to breathe. What he's said is truly despicable - unfortunately the internet gives shits the chance to access people in this way. I found his comments despicable, they upset me, lord only knows how I'd have reacted if I was in the first throes of grief, like Gary & Dawn :( xx

hello all. Thanks so much for your kind messages yesterday - I really was a total mess. I came home to find DH had also had a cry, because the tarpaulin covering Mia's sandpit has torn, thanks to the constant weakening from the rainpuddles gathering in it... he knew it was such a small thing, but he hates to see anything of Mia's ruined. It was already hard when her swing broke in the winter winds. But not working today, so feeling a million times better as I sit outside, nursing my blisters and relaxing.

mecha don't worry about crying at work. People do surprise you with their own sad stories and their kindness.

matilda feeling numb is a way of surviving, as is that sense of unreality. Know it well.

alyak hope the sunshine is helping you, and that you did decide to book in the post-natal check-up.

fioled hoping Tuesday wasn't too difficult for you.

lavandes how are you after Richard's birthday?

shabba I love Lew's wisdom. You could publish it all, along with Matty's views of the world. It would be a best seller, I'm sure.

Miasmummy so glad you are getting a chance to sit in the sunshine and put your feet up. Well deserved.

Seems like it's my turn to have the meltdown today. I think I'm doing so well then the silliest thing will tip me over the edge. We're in the process of selling our house and I just burst into tears because we're not eligible for a mortgage that we want to apply for . And then the estate agent wouldn't budge on his stupidly high commission fee. I just felt like shouting down the phone "Someone give me a f!king break, my baby just died!!!" but of course, you can't really do that, can you? Even the smallest setbacks seem to have me drowning in self-pity.

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

Mias, you know what? If Mia were still alive, the swing breaking and and tarpaulin breaking would be just minor little irritations, wouldn't they? But because she's gone, there's a poignancy about the broken toys, symbolic of your overwhelming loss.
I had a fairy figurine on Sylvie-Rose's grave. It broke. And I was so upset by it.

I was feeling down this morning. When I looked out the window there were two magpies ( two for joy!) and a tiny white feather.

chip you are absolutely right. Glad you saw the feather and the two magpies today. Mia's blackbird doesn't seem to be around today...

Hi everyone. Hope you don't mind me popping back after being away for ages.

We had a massively stressful holiday and since we came back have been busy sorting out the house to move, finding a new place and working on a big fundraising auction.

Yesterday was 4 months since we lost our Benedict, and it was so hard. I have a friend who lost her son a few days before we lost B. He was 5, and it was a very horrific accident. She is very vocal about her pain and loss on fb and so people give her lots of support and love, especially on the montly anniversaries. I really find it hard to talk about him on fb. Not because I find it hard to talk about him, but because it doesn't seem the right place, for me. We have no 'normal' photos, no happy memories to talk about, and it seems a bit 'attention seeking' or sympathy seeking. Her facebook wall was covered in messages, and then two days later, there was nothing for us. Do you think we should talk about him more to let others know that it is a 'safe subject'?

Hope you're all doing ok. Hugs to you and kisses to our little ones.

Welcome back Mrs Y. Sorry to hear the holiday was stressful. The anniversaries are so hard aren't they? Last weekend was 3 months since we lost our boy. Sadly it coincided with my mum's birthday so it didn't really get noticed (only by me it seems) and I found myself in the middle of a jolly family gathering when it was the last thing I felt like.

None of my friends mentions D any more. I think it's partly my fault because my tendency is to put a brave face on things so perhaps they think I'm alright, or perhaps they don't want to upset me. I don't think it would hurt to let your friends know that you would like to talk about Benedict. I think in these situations people tend to take their lead from us. If I've wanted to talk about D, people have been happy to listen but they never bring up the subject.

Like you I struggle with the absence of photos, happy memories. I hate the fact that when I'm upset I have nothing that was his that I can hold onto or look at. I am having a very bad couple of days. I am finding it hard to keep on keeping on. I feel worn out by it all. But experience is teaching me that this hopeless feeling will pass and be replaced with easier days.

Hope everybody is enjoying the sunshine xxx

I've got a fe little things like a hat he wore, and his Sands blanket. I also have a lovely keychain with his name and dob that a friend gave me and I've had a tattoo for him, so I have things I can physically touch or see when I'm missing him.

I've lost count of the number of people who say how brave I am, that I'm an inspiration and I think that they must think I've moved on.

I was thinking about this very thing today. Like you MrsY I don't write much about Dex on facebook, because it just doesn't feel right to me. Generally all I put on facebook are jokes, daft pictures and life events. So we posted when he was born and when we lost him, but no photos and not much else.

Ideally I would like Dexter to be a normal, everyday topic. I don't want it to be a special thing we only talk about when it is a calm evening and there is nothing else happening and we sit down and "have a serious chat". I want to be able to mention him and my pregnancy and our plans for him and just talk normally. Not have people enshrine him or never talk about him. Yes, I will cry sometimes but he is my son and a big part of my life.

Had a wonderful lunch today with a dear friend who is pregnant with her second. She concieved around when Dexter died, and it was wonderful just to talk. To compare pregnancy cravings and thoughts about names and things. Just focus on the positive sides of pregnancy, but without denying the negative of my experience.

Am trying to talk to people and tell them thats how I want to do things. However it does seem to make some people really, really uncomfortable.

Three months today since we had to y goodbye to Dexter. He shouldn't even be born yet. I can't believe he is gone.

Miss you, so much.

Morning girls xx

Another awol member checking in

I have been in a really dark place since losing my mum and its taken me many months, some counselling and talking to friends to realise that its so hard because I am still carrying the hurt of losing Fraser

I kept telling everyone that it was 8 years ago and I had moved on...well yes I have moved on in that I can plan for the future with a smile ... I have learned to live with the questions and the fact someone is missing from our family. We have a "new normal" But there's not a week that goes by and sometimes even a day that goes by that I dont think of our little boy and what might have been

I have come to realise that grieving for my mum is twice as hard because I already have a great sadness in my heart .. a sadness that comes from losing our first born son.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that grief for your child never goes away even years down the line.. it affects you the rest of your life and makes other parts of your life harder than they should ever be ..

Its soo bloody hard.. I now feel like I will always be different from those who have never lost a child.. I realise its taken me a hell of a long time for this to occur to me .. but I guess I thought time would heal.. and I would one day be "normal" again .. sadly not ..

Good to see you FM - have missed you xxx