Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

chip you do have two August children. And you can still mark Sylvie-Rose's birthday any way you want.

I know, Mias. But had she lived, it would have been a big affair, with all the cousins coming and I would be able to look at SIL's little girl without feeling sad. We will have a cake and candles but no little girl to blow them out.

Mia dannys funeral was extremely hard, i couldnt stop crying. the coffin was lovely the funeral director done a really good job of it, my priest has ben very supportive also. i am meeting him again next week for a coffee just to have a chat.

the balloons didnt fly aswell as i wanted (not enough helium) i dont think :( but never the less they still floated up, just have to wait for pm results now, thats the next thing to get through.

can anyone tell me after giving birth how long they was bleeding for? as its been 24 days and i havent stopped. i mean its not a heavy flow like it was its now brown but its bene like that for a week, just dont know if thats normal xx

I think six weeks is the norm for bleeding, alyak. It's only worth worrying about if it's still bright red or heavy.
Has anyone from the hospital been in touch with you about counselling?

no one has been in touch, i had a midwife come and see me 2 days after i lost danny, she pressed my belly told me that she cant sympathise as she has never experienced it and then left. havent heard anything else.

Lord almighty! Not many women have been through this, alyak, and thank God they haven't but surely anyone with half a heart could sympathise!
Lots of and for you!

alyak Have you got the six week check-up with your GP booked? You should definitely have a postnatal check-up, so if you've heard nothing, then I would contact your GP and ask about it. Have you got a bereavement midwife? I don't know whereabouts you are, but here (Bucks) we have two bereavement midwives, and they are really good xx

Chip Happy Birthday to your DS1. It's a weird feeling when your little ones grow older. It's harder that we should have our youngest with us xx

Hello everyone, feels like a million years since I have posted here.

Hello to people I haven't met yet! So sorry you have found yourselves here. It's awful but this is a very kind and helpful space.

Alyak Was thinking about you on Wednesday. Danny would have been really proud. I know I did feel peace after Dexter's, though it was a really hard day.

Chip Happy birthday to your DS! You do have August babies. I'm sorry Sylvie-Rose's first birthday has to be this way. It must feel so wrong.

Tami Glad to hear your DD is feeling better.

Mias the olympics must be amazing. What an incredible thing to be involved with.

I know I have missed stuff. I am in my odd, black hole between the day Dexter was born and the day he died. I have found the 30th til the 12th every month so hard so far. Then his due date is the 18th August and I am dreading it. DH has taken a week or so off around then so we are going to finally paint the house. The paint had been bought and sitting in the garage since we moved in a year ago. I figured a project would keep us busy and be a constructive way to pass the time.

Wishing us all peaceful weekends.

Hi Mech! Nice to "see" you! Sorry you've been so down, though. You know you can post here anytime, good or bad days.

tam im in somerset, i dont have a bereavement midwife nor have i heard anything about a check up - to be honest i dont want one, i just want to be left alone, on the day dan died i had 3 hospitals 8 internals and 3 scans ! i dont wana be poked about anymore.

thank you mech - however i dont know if its peace i feel now i dont know what to feel anymore if im honest. some days i think im doing fine and putting on a brave face but inside im dying! xx

alyak I can understand that you don't want to be poked/prodded anymore, but the postnatal check-up is really important. You gave birth, so they will need to check that your uterus has contracted well, and give general checks. It's really not intrusive, honestly x

Morning girls xx

Hello all. Busy with the Olympics, and really enjoying it, but had the day off yesterday. Went to the beach volleyball, and seated in front of us was a couple with a brand new baby girl. We chatted, but when they said their baby was half-British, just like Mia and my bump, I couldn't say anything- I didn't feel I could go into an explanation...

Then last night, we went to a wedding reception of a friend, and we hadn't seen her other friends since a wonderfully happy weekend in July last year where they all fell in love with Mia, especially two pg women. As we entered, I realised this was a new first - facing a group of people whom we only know a bit, since Mia died. Very apprehensive, but they were all lovely.

Finally, I have just learnt that a gorgeous friend is 8 weeks pg, so all being well, our babies will grow up together... I am so happy for them, but all I could think was that the cycle of life is continuing without Mia. She would have loved playing with a little sibling and her friend.

Miasmummy I am glad you are enjoying the Olympics :) How difficult it must have been, to have met that other couple. It's strange isn't it? When Tamsin first died, I fought to keep her in front of me... I guess like a perpetual pregnancy bump. So important was she (and still is) that I thought she 'defined' me.

I had some keyrings made, with her photo on, so I could carry her around. Funny thing is now, like you, I don't feel the need to mention her. She is important to me, will always be loved by me, and that is enough - iyswim? I will of course talk about her, and acknowledge her existence, but I don't feel the need to tell casual stangers about her, in the same way I don't talk about DS constantly. If asked I will tell. I don't know if that makes sense, or not?

I'm so happy that your friend is pregnant. Of course it's not easy to realise that life carries on, it really isn't... but your courage is a wonderful testimony to Mia xx

Hello everyone, just wanted to pop my head in. Sorry for not posting lately - have started back at work and have been off to the Olympics . I'm also spending all the time I would normally be MNing trying to get tickets to more events! Sending love and peace to you all

Poor Gary Barlow and family. Bless little Poppy.

Poor Poppy Barlow indeed. No one deserves this. I hate that I am in bits over a "celeb story", not even a particular fan of Take That. And it is no sadder than what has happened to any one of us, but I just can't seem to stop crying today.

Alyak I know what you mean about the difference between inside and outside. Sometimes I don't know if I am coping and fine or if I am totally numb and can't feel anything. The post natal check is really worth while though. Mine was mostly a chat, very non-invasive. The worst she did was feel my tummy a bit, through my shirt, to make sure everything was contracted like it was supposed to.

I just need to get through past his due date I think. I know babies don't arrive when they are due, and I doubt I will remember this particular day in years to come, but it just seems like a massive barrier to me right now. I should still be pregnant or I should have a tiny newborn. Instead I am looking at gravestones. It is unnatural and wrong and I hate that this is part of my life now. I have been having more positive days, but this is not one of them.

Am working this afternoon as well, which will either be great and take my mind off things, or awful and I will cry on all the customers. Taking bets now, I think the odds are about 50/50.

mech if i was a customer and u cried on me i would give u a great BIG huggg!!! take it one step at a time hun and im sure things will be ok xx i know what you mean about the dates and thinking you should still be pregnant,it also seems wherever i go i see pregnant women or whenever i turn the t.v its something about pregnancy :(

my ex left me the day he found out i was pregnant and everytime i see pregnant women etc i jsut hope i get the chance to be a mummy again :( with someone that actually gives a sh!t xx sorry for the language

have a good day ladies

Lew just said 'I just heard somebody say that Take Thats baby had died?' 'What happened?' Just explained to him, as honestly as possible (because he is only 4) what had happened.

'Andma, he has 3 other children so he will be OK, but I think he will cry for a hundred years.' 'Out of the mouth of babes?' xxxx

Out of the mouths of babes indeed. I think that Lew is very clever, a hundred years sounds about right to me.

RIp Poppy Barlow x

Lew really seems like he's been here before xx

Hello everyone and a sad but very warm welcome to all the new arrivals on this thread since I last checked in.

I'm sorry I've been absent for a while, just been feeling so numb, comatose almost. I too find myself questioning whether I'm actually coping really well or I've just buried this somewhere so deep that I can't feel it. I meet friends for coffee and I can tell them what happened without getting upset, almost like it happened to someone else and I can see that they expect me to cry but I don't seem to be able to. I have to not think about it in order to function as I'm working again but I worry that I will pay the price for this later.

At the weekend it was the three month anniversary of D's death and then birth (don't think I'll ever get my head around the fact that it's that way round) and nobody, not even DP, noticed the date. I guess that's the way it's going to be. But I won't ever forget you my sweet darling boy.

Love to everyone xx

mecha don't underestimate the ongoing importance of his due date. Even in years to come. Today was Belle's would've been DD in 2010. I thought I was ok about it this year, my whole focus is everything in June these days, August in theory shouldn't mean very much anymore. But what with the news of Poppy Barlow yesterday I found myself having a wobble. I felt really teary for myself and Gary Barlow and his wife yesterday. Two years plus on, and her due date is still remembered and somehow significant; although I'm not entirely sure why, other than it was a date that belonged to her.

I'm probably not making much sense.

Total sense Fi xxx

Thank you Fio The news about the Barlows has shaken me so much, but I don't really know why. Their due date was about the same as mine I guess, and it is mentioned quite freaquently on the news. I will give myself permission to find August difficult in the future.

What makes the the most sad at the moment is that Dexter won't have any other things to celebrate. He won't learn to walk or have a first day at school or get married. What we have with him is all we are ever going to get. It just breaks my heart. We had such plans.

hugs to Matilda. We are in the wierd void between three months since he was born and three months since he died. And then his due date. It's going to be hard for all of us for a while I think. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better for all of us.

alyak thank you. I was strong yesterday! Think work was a good distraction. On my first KIT day back in June, an engineer (I work for a trade centre selling electric goods) asked if I had had my baby yet. I told him what had happened and he gave me a big hug. His first son had been stillborn 30 years ago. He told me all about him and said things would be almost impossible for a long time, but you do learn to live again and you will never forget. And then I cried all over him. I am sorry you have to do this without Danny's father though sounds like you are better off without him! Hope you have lots of RL support.

I got a phone call from my Doctor yesterday as well. I have an appointment with my consultant to talk about Dexter's birth. Desperately hoping to get some answers about why and what happened.

Sorry for the epic post. Wishing us peace.