Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Morning ladies xx

Sending lots of love to you and your family today Shabs a candle will be lit here in Cornwall for you and your dear baby Gareth. xxx

hey remember me.. I have been in a really dark place since losing my mum and didnt want to take over the thread with my woes..

I am still thinking of you all.. and yes you are soo right lavandes.. there are 2 songs that take me right back to that delivery room and reduce me to tears.. 8 years on and if they come on the radio when i am driving its murder trying to drive thru the tears!!

the work thing annoys me .. I work in a call centre and they pull us up for the silliest thing.. some days I want to say .. look do you know how much effort it was for me to be here.. give us a break!!!

Thinking of you tonight shabs... will raise a glass to your big boy tonight ... ooh that sounds rude.. you know what i mean

Evening all, just wanted to apologise for being thoughtless with my post yesterday Tami about your cousin's baby. Of course when you've lost a baby, it must be hard to hear about other people's newborns. I hope you're OK xx

Thanks girls xx

You made me for the first time todayFM.xx

Feel very weird - kind of defeated IYKWIM. DS1 is out on his stag night in Manchester tonight - yes I know he is 30 and a daddy himself but I still worry about him xx

Thinking about you Shadda and FM and Laven and all of us. Especially if there are difficult dates and times coming up, or just being lived through.

I am a huge fan of the TV show "Supernatural", but I just can't watch it at the moment. It is cheesy and ridiculous but the song "Carry on my Wayward Son" has me in floods of hysterical tears. It is the bit about laying weary heads to rest and not crying anymore just gets me everytime now. That and Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons really make me think about him.

Brains are funny things.

Hi ladies xx

Of course you will worry Shabs nothing I can say to stop that. Just we are all here worrying with you. I bet that makes you feel better !!!!!!!

Hi fm that was the first time for ages that a song on the radio has reduced me to a jibbering wreck, it caught me totally unawares. I am so very sorry you have lost your dear Mum. On the day we found out Richard had died I just wanted my Mum and I was 58. She would have known just what to say to me and she would not have left my side until she knew it was OK.
You must remember that this is a bereavement thread and we are all friends, if you need to talk we are all here, you can always pm us (me) you have always been a great support to me and lots of other Mums, take care xxx

Just Skyped family in OZ what a brilliant invention, I can see my grandson growing and my son with a hangover - brilliant.

Good morning everyone.

shabba hope your son's stag night went ok without any upset.

Hi fm sorry things haven't been good for you, I hope the weight is lifting. I have songs like that too, music is so emotive like smells or even a turn oh phrase. Takes you right back.

Beautiful morning here, I'm going to do all the washing. What fun we have...

Morning girls xx

Not heard how the stag night went but Dan is still fast asleep at home, despite Lew's attempts to wake him - which included WWE wrestling moves and shouting!!!

Im glad thats over and done with to be honest!!

I am very hungover and suspect I made a fool of myself on a karaoke machine last night.
BUT I enjoyed myself. Which was good. There was a time I never thought I'd enjoy myself again.

chip well done! What were you singing?

MrsKwazii Please don't apologise, your post wasn't thoughtless. I've learnt to cope with newborns now, and DD1's favourite toys are baby dolls. It was harder to start with, but has become easier xx

Fm sorry you've been so down :( xx

chip I so want to go to a karaoke but know I would wimp out. Having said that, at my sister's wedding reception, she had a disco. The DJ had a mic that could be heard over the music. I decided to go on stage, and sing along karaoke-style to all the songs, and loved it. I thought I was drunk, and said to my sister, that I couldn't do if I'd been sober. She looked confused & said "but you've been drinking the wine from the table", I agreed, then she said "but it was non-alcoholic"! Oops xx

Have been feeling really ill. Have a cold, and feel miserable. Then fell halfway down the stairs yesterday. Have a huge bruise on my bum & lower back. Was more upsetting as that is what I did just before Tamsin died.

Hi ladies xx

How are you today fm xx

Hope yesterday passed as peacefully as it could Shabs xxx

How can you tell if you are coping and dealing with things?

I used to feel borderline hysterical all the time, except occasionally when I was numb. Now I feel numb most of the time. And when I do feel sad, it is no easier to bear than it was before. I know it is early days, but I really thought things would get easier. I don't know how to feel or what to do.

Sorry to be self indulgent. I just feel a bit desperate tonight. Maybe the gales outside are getting to me. I know I am not the only one having a tough time. I am sorry.

mech, if you can't say that here, where can you say it? I think it's true to say that how we feel changes over time, and tbh I'm glad it does because I don't think that I would cope long term with feeling like I did in the few weeks immediately after we lost B. Like you, I've noticed that the troughs are still just as deep but more spaced out now thankfully. Day to day I'm coping and that's what we need to do to get on. It doesn't mean that you miss Dexter any less it's just adapting to the new normal for us and there will always be little Dexter in the background looking out for his mum. ((hugs))

tami hope you are feeling better soon x

Another glorious day, had to bring the children inside yesterday afternoon because it was just too hot. Might do some gooseberry picking this afternoon, they're a lovely red colour, I was just waiting for the sun to make them grow more juicy for my jam. Loads of raspberries too yum

I remember singing "Hallelujah" at the end but very likely not as well as Alexandra Burke.

Mech I actually wonder what coping is sometimes.
At the moment, if the boys are fed and dressed, that is "coping" as far as I'm concerned. Whether I am "coping" with Sylvie-Rose's death, I don't think I ever will but I do feel that it's more in the background than it was six months ago. I still think about her all the time but am better able to get on with things than I was.

Morning everyone xx
Mech I don't know you but from your posts you sound like you ARE coping heroically. You don't sound like a woman who has been defeated by this though I know how very hard it can be. Like you, I feel numb about 80 - 90 per cent of the time now with occasional bouts of sadness and despair when it hurts every bit as much as it did in those early days. But as first says, the bad bits do seem to be getting more spaced out and I do seem to be "functioning" (whatever that means) in the bits in between, more than I ever dreamed possible just two months ago.

chip It makes me very happy to think of you doing drunken karaoke. In the midst of all the sadness I think it's important that we acknowledge and even celebrate it when our old, more carefree, selves pop up, even if it's just for an hour. It's proof of the resilience of the human spirit and I find it inspiring and surprising how we can still laugh, and have fun, even in our darkest times.

I have to start with a couple of apologies; 1)I dip in and out of these threads unregularly, 2) I need to be here in a self-indulgent manner at the moment.

I was really hoping we'd have my DS post-mortem results this week, but I phoned the coroner's office earlier and results still haven't arrived. My DH is off work for 2 weeks soon and we had thought about a holliday, but I don't think it feels right going away when we still have no news. I know I'm "just" having a really bad day, but I can't bring myself to do anything. Not interested in the beautiful weather, not interested in food, nothing.

It'll be 7 weeks tomorrow and the troughs are getting less frequent, but they are certainly as low. I have been having "good" days (even had a job interview last week - excruciating). I should be pushing a pram with DS in it, and worrying about him in the sun. It's almost like I was never pregnant as no-one would know, to look at me, what I'm going through

SHJJTJ It's horrible isn't it. Huge (((HUGS))). I hope the results come in soon xxxx

I feel like a pretty awful bitch today. I'm pretty sure I've slipped into depression, can't be bothered to even wash my hair right now (don't feel well either though). Got so bad that I just walked out when DD1 was having dinner yesterday evening (DH was here). I just went... led to phone calls from my parents & DH. I did come home after an hour. I'm so bloody irritable though.

I've just hung the phone up on my mum. Could really do with talking to her. We were going to meet uptown this morning, then my sister needed her to go to the solicitor with her. So she said she'd meet me after lunch, and suggested going for a coffee. Great... not too happy being out in the hottest time, but fair enough. Then she said half-two, so I waited, as she had my sister's dogs to sort. Now my sister is going to her house to sort the computer out, so my mum said another hour or two... so I'm really angry. I told her not to bother. She phoned back, and I just hung up. So I now win the award for most petulant, teenager behaviour. I'm just sick of waiting, have a very grizzly toddler, needed to talk to mum, and don't really feel like going out, but have to get my steroid inhaler (as I've run out).

Mum did apologise, saying that she could have gone out & come home in this time, but why she didn't say to Dsis - "sorry, you'll have to wait, I'm meeting Tamisara" I don't know. This is the same Dsis who made my mum phone me, when I was in labour with Tamsin, asking how long I'd be, as Dsis wanted her to pick up her son from school, or look after her dogs. Dsis has a worse temper than me, she's broken a lot of my parents doors, so me hanging up the phone is nothing. I just feel like I hate everyone right now.

Ladies, don't think for one moment you are being self-indulgent on this thread. It is precisely the right place to vent sorrow and anger, fear and joy. By doing this, you are helping yourself get through another day, especially when you feel RL doesn't hold the resources or support you need...

I honestly thought at the end of last week I was having a total breakdown. I was feeling everything too keenly. Everything was awful and terrible and I was an insignificant pimple(!!) on the face of the world... Today, I am sad, but normal 'sad' if you know what I mean. Mia died 9 months ago tonight, but for some inexplicable reason, the emotions of last week have dissipated, and I am in a better place to face tonight and tomorrow.

Grief ebbs and flows for us all. There doesn't have to anything that triggers it off. We already have the worst reason in the world to be sad.

Miasmummy (((hugs))), will be thinking of you & beautiful Mia tomorrow xx

I ended up seeing my mum, she happened to go uptown, after I'd been there for a while (yep I did apologise).

Sorry for my rant earlier, I just feel inexpicably rubbish at the moment xx

Just been told to come and have a look at this thread, sorry if im in the wrong place but wanted to share my story.

Let me explain, last week i thought i had terrible constipation, i phoned my midwife and was told to take paracetamol to ease the pain and if this didnt work go to my nearest walk in. Needless to say i did this and ended up at my nearest walk in (hospital number 1) i was told i was in labour and rushed via ambulance to another hospital about 16 miles away (hospital number 2) i was given an internal and told i was 9cm dialiated,they sad my waters where bulging and causing me to be dialated. Hours and hours passed then my waters finally broke,instantaneous the pain went and i was told i had gone back down to 3cm dialated. I was then rushed via ambulance to another hospital more equipped (hospital number 3) they did several scans and babys heartbeat was fine and strong,yet still no more contractions. Afew more hours passed and they came back!! did another scan and babys heartbeat was really weak. I was told i could have an injection to help lung unprovement bt never got it. I was then told baby had no chance of survival if born before 24 weeks, (my son was 23weeks+2 days) and that he was going to die. Surely enough he did and i then had to give birth.

Its a really hard thing to deal with because i myself was born at 24 weeks and not only survived but im fully healthy. None of the doctos knew what caused me to go into labour and it all to happen (backwards) as they said, contractions,waters brokw,no contractions, then contractions etc

I have a funeral director coming to see me this week to arrange burial as post mortem has now been done, this was my 1st baby, i just dont know what to do.how can my son be classed as a late miscarraige, when it was nothing like that!! he was perfect just tiny! like his mummy!

alyak so sorry you had to join us here, and to hear about your little boy!
My baby girl was born at 20 weeks and also classed as late miscarriage. It is very sad the way the 'law' is about calling it miscarriage before 24 weeks, as you also have to give birth to your precious baby.

It's been a year today since Sterre's funeral... Can't believe that year went by so quickly...
She sent me a penny this morning before I had my midwife's appointment... :)

(hugs for everyone)

oh, alya, no, you didn't have a late miscarriage. you had a beautiful baby boy who was born sleeping.
I am so very sorry that you find yourself here but you are in good company and we will help you through this. You won't ever "get over" it but it will get easier.

Oh, Blue, I remember this time last year so well. And how I felt sorry for you and didn't know how you could go on, and then only a few months later I was in the same dark place.
And somehow we do go on, don't we? Because we have to.