Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts Whatever.

Tami sorry to hear that your extended family isn't as close since your Nan passed, I've seen it happen a few times. If you're not missing out though, don't blame you for defriending on FB if updates are just upsetting you. I defriended quite a few people last year and it's pretty liberating.

Whatever, that'll be the day before Sylvie-Rose's birthday! And as I have to work all day on Sylvie-Rose's birthday, it'll be the day we "celebrate" it. We will have a cake etc but I don't know if I'll be able to sing Happy Birthday without crying...

Hi all. Have been very sad over the past 24 days, and actually cried for a reason apart from Mia for the very first time. Just feel very down, yet at the same time, feel incredibly petulant and bratty as I have so many things for which I should be grateful. I just feel as if life is on hold as I am waiting - waiting for the Olympic role to start, waiting for this baby to arrive, waiting to "feel better" about Mia... the first will happen, the second I am hopeful but fearful, and the third, well, it will never, ever happen.

24 hours... not days!!

WTW and Chip that's around Dexter's due date, so many many happy thoughts will be coming your way from Aberdeen xx

Mia I am sorry you are having a sad time. I hope this Olympic role brings you some release. At the moment it is my ruddy gallbladder that is holding me back. My physical health is just not predictable enough for me to really plan or do anything, but I am well enough most of the time to be bored and frustrated.

MrsK I went on a defriending spree and it felt good. People who made questionable remarks about women as "jokes", people who weren't there for DH and I and were insensitive, People I was friends with because unfriending them would upset others, it was brilliant. As a disclaimer I do enjoy facebook and use it to keep in touch with family, but it does have a tendency to almost FORCE you to interact with people you just don't want to. Take care Tami, don't interact with anyone you don't want to. You are allowed.

A very dear friend let us know yesterday she was expecting her second little one in January. I am so pleased for her, but I still had a little cry. I don't want to be someone who cries everytime someone else is pregnant or has a baby! She is someone who moved away a few years ago, and we kept in kind of sporadic touch, but she has been so wonderful since we lost Dexter. Just really kind and thoughtful, texting me lots and checking on me. It must have been really hard for her in hindsight, dealing with my sad news when she had happy news of her own. I really am grateful to have good friends in RL, as well as people I can "talk" to on here.

Horay for the weekend!

xx

Hi folks,

It's been a while since i posted here, because TBH life is keeping me pretty busy. I think about you all often though, and am sad to see so many new faces here.

Hope you're allas ok as can be x

Mech, I have to say, I have not seen as much of SIL's baby as I should. She and Sylvie-Rose should be the same age. I think you'd want to be made of steel not to feel bad about it. I think children born in 2011 will probably always make me feel a bit wistful.

That is a really good point Chip It's not that I am not happy for people with babies. I love babies, of course I do. But it is very very bittersweet at best and downright painful at worst. There are two close to me who were born four days before and two weeks after Dexter. And I want to be part of their lives and love them, but there will always be a what if? I hope your SIL is kind and understanding xx

SIL is lovely. But is also expecting again.
and she has a rich FIL

xxx

Miasmummy (((big purple HUGS))) I was thinking about you today, hoping you were OK. Of course you're not bratty, I can't think of anyone more gracious than you xx

Mecha Funny thing, I don't care around babies so much now. When I first started at toddlers, after Tamsin, there was a baby (boy) around the same age as Tamsin would have been. I cried, and couldn't look at it, for ages. The baby hasn't been for a couple of months, and on Tuesday it was back. I looked at it, a not especially attractive little boy (cute though as babies are)... and I thought "Tamsin would have been so much prettier". I knew at that instant that he wasn't Tamsin, and now he's older, it's easier xx

Tami, why purple hugs? Do you do FlyLady?

Chip Purple is a lovely colour :) Who/what is FlyLady? xx

Tami FlyLady
It's basically a cleaning system for people who are naturally disorganised! So right up my street!

[big grin] Glad you didn't think I was FlyLady, after looking at that link... I've been losing the lbs x

That was supposed to be

Hello all. Tami like you I feel slightly immune to other people's babies. I see a lot at toddler groups and I just think, No I don't want you, you're not a patch on my gorgeous boy! Pregnant women do give me the colly wobbles though. I literally can't look at them.

chip I might have to check out Flylady. My flat is a tip and I can never seem to get on top of it. I just end up moving crap around from one room to another!

Mecha I like the sound of your defriending spree. Sounds very cathartic. I imagine it's a similar feeling to taking stuff back to the shop when you've bought loads of things you don't need. It always feels so great to come back empty handed and with more money in your account than when you set off, my DP calls it "unshopping".

Hello to Mias Shabba, MrsK, Deemented and anyone else reading.

It's been a turbulent week here, big family party for DD's birthday, followed by huge row with DP (I think it was the strain of pretending we were having fun that did it!!), followed by hysterical sobbing on my part, followed by two days of utter exhaustion, but I seem to have washed up in quite a peaceful place this evening...for now.

Hope everyone else is having a peaceful and gentle evening. xxx

(Hi ladies x

waves to Dee when is the big (enourmous) day ???

Please can I have a rant? Today I woke up OK cleaned house, prepared dinner, had shower. THEN Oasis song came on radio. It was Champagne Supernova which Richard and I sang along to at Eden. It reduced me to a sobbing wreck. Of course I could have swiched off but OF COURSE I couldn't I listened to it all. Then I had to pull myself together and go to work. When I got to work I was told that my colleague who should have been in later was off sick with a sore throat She is off sick all the time cos she has bad back but can do lots of social stuff. I was so angry If she had shown her face I would have given her something to be REALLY off sick for. SO I had a really shitty shift cos I was on my own. I never go off sick cos I am upset but I think I should.

OK rant over Hope you are all as OK as you can be xxxx

Lavandes, i'm sorry, my lovely.

Hmm.. the big day is yet to be decided. We did say 20th September next year, but the way his mother is criticising every little fecking decision i make, i may well run off to gretna green yet!

chip fly lady looks great! I read swish and swipe... I could do that! I do tend to do an emergency clean whenever we have people round, it's a good job that we seem to have had lots of visitors recently.

wtw' like mech and chip, a special time for me too, that's near B's due date too so good luck and I hope things go as smoothly as possible xx

mias I'm sorry you're feeling down, that sounds so unlike you so hugs xx

matilda and tami, I'm not too bothered about other people's babies, but I do find it difficult when there's talk between new mums about their babies, and also physically seeing people in late pregnancy. A reminder that that's where I should be right now when I'm not expecting it.

lavandes rant away! It sounds very frustrating.

An anxious time for us next week, we have just had an appointment made to discuss B's post mortem results. It may have implications for us for the future, it may help others in similar situations especially as there was no name to put to his collection of problems. Most of all I'm actually looking forward to getting to know a little more about him, to knowing him a bit better, but I'm aware that this is all we will ever know. There will be no more after this.

Hi Dee I am OK thanks just a bit of a wobble. I think you should run away with Manshapes and your kids and just deal with the consequenses. It will all pass in time. Lets face it you have been through worse, Do it girl!!!!!! xxx (BYTW Bollocks to MIL)

It just hits you that one song on the radio can throw you back so far. There seems to be no end to 'it', why did I ever think there would be. But I will be OK, I must be, I have my gorgeous grandsons to be ok for xx

Poor Lavandes!
I have to say, I never take a day off work, even when I am sick and then you wonder if anyone ever notices that your bust your backside no matter how you're feeling.

LAdies, I know this is not the FlyLady conversion thread but it really is very good for getting into good habits and she does it in a very kind way, like having a nice Mum and also makes you have a tea break. F- L Y = finally loving yourself which is not a bad motto.

Hi Chip. You are right no one does notice. I think it is our work ethic. but I don't know why we bother. I have never ever taken a 'sickie' in 45 years of working but I think maybe I should start now. It really may not be a 'sickie' compared to what some people stay of work for. But I can't. It is not Ok for me. I think I may be stupid but I have my pride (IFYKWIM_ xx

Afternoon girls xx