Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

The grief of a loss of a child does not ever heal with time. If anything, it deepens. However, it does become "quieter" in the sense that we don't cry every day, and we do find ourselves having "good days" more often. The hard part is explaining this to others. In their eyes, we have "gotten over our loss" but we know that this will never happen - not with child loss. B.J. Kerrer

Seemed right to share with my lovely Amazonians here..

Miasmummy Glad that Mia's blackbird sang for you xx

chip Sorry you got soaked. What a lovely name for a park though! I love the idea of phoenixs (not sure how to spell the plural). Even before Harry Potter, I was intriuged by them. I vaguely remember a programme from my childhood, about a phoenix that lived in a fireplace, some children, and a flying rug. No one else remembers this - I'm sure it did exist though!

Something else got to me yesterday. I wasn't sure about saying anything, but it has continued to eat away at me.

One of the other members, at the group, asked my friend if she was planning on having more children. My friend got a bit flustered, so I stepped in & said that I did, but I'd be too afraid of something happening.

The woman said to me that she felt the same, when she had early miscarriages, between her two. Granted, I know if I were to get pregnant, and have a miscarriage I'd be devastated, I know that. But I'm more afraid of getting to the end, having another caesarean - possibly even losing my womb, and still not coming home with a baby.

I tried to explain this to her, that this was my concern, that I was in a bad way during the caesarean, and lying there, almost losing consciousness, with alarms going, blood being transfused into me, and my beautiful baby, lying still & silent next to me... I can't bear to go through that again, I just don't have the strength.

She then said "well when you get older it's more risky anyway"... aargh!!! I know she was being nice, and I just smiled. But for some reason, her inability to understand me, just has brought me crashing down

Oh, Tami, you just ran into one of Life's Stupid People.
And I really don't mean in terms of IQ. Some people have just zero ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. They can be Mensa members but completely incapable of thinking outside their own little world.

Tami The Phoenix and the Carpet! I LOVED that programme as a kid. It was based on a book by E. Nesbit.
Sorry you had to encounter those insensitive comments. It's like we've all had a layer of skin ripped off so it's not surprising we are all very sensitive to this kind of thing. I am too. Though I am trying my best to give people the benefit of the doubt or I think it will just make me very angry and bitter and I won't let them do that to me, I've got enough on my plate already!

matilda that's the one! Glad it wasn't a figment of my imagination. I'd like to develop a thicker skin, but it's just the unwarranted comments, when I'd clearly made my point... oh well. xx

chip Yep, certainly lacking in the emotional/empathy intelligence. I guess people just can't imagine what your're going through, and try to relate it to themselves... like "I still feel sad about my dog dying" sort of thing xx

Loved that book too! They had a baby brother they called The Lamb. I often call ds4 Harry the Lamb. For a while he thought it was his middle name.

Thank you for sharing that quote Mias I do tell people that we will never get over losing our daughter when they tell me that time is a great healer. We will learn to live with it though - what other choice do we have after all.

Hope you've dried out Chip and sorry that you've come across a numpty Tami. Some people will always open their mouth before they engage their brain.

I loved the Phoenix and the Carpet, that and Five Children and It with the psammead. Great weekend teatime telly when I was younger. The BBC used to produce some fantastic children's serials. I also remember one with a girl called Araminta, or Minty for short, who could timetravel in a garden - think it was called Moondial?

Oh, and do you remember the Enchanted Castle, another E.Nesbit which was made into a children's TV series (probably showing my age here!!). The statues used to come to life at night.....made a real impression on me.

does anyone remember a TV show where in the middle of the night, a clock would strike thirteen and it meant that the little boy got up to all sorts of adventures. Not sure what it was based on?

Was it Tom's Midnight Garden Chip? Think I read it in the dim and distant past, not seen it on the tv though

yes! Tom's midnight garden!

Keep forgetting to say, the lovely Pistey and Knotty have coordinated two woolly hug blankets for us - a big one for MrK and I and a little one for DD2. The pictures of the little one are on the Woolly Hugs website. We are agog at the thought, talent and love that has gone into each and every square. Both blankets will be treasured

MrsK, did you get the mini-hugs yet?

I made that one!

Wow! You are very talented. As a Chipmonkey creation that is a very special square indeed

That square was my third attempt!
But I really, really wanted to do the Care Bear as I knew O liked them.

I loved it before, love it even more now. Thank you

I'm glad you like it. It was originally a different one, Bedtime Bear, but I converted it!

I too used to love the Phoneix and the carpet :) And Five Children and it!

Mias That is a really beautiful quote. It sums things up wonderfully. I wonder if we could get it printed onto wallet sized cards and hand them out to insensitive people?

Tami I am so sorry you met such a horrible person :( I think are right though. People must think, well you are very sad. I was quite sad once, this must be like that but a little worse. I will share my sad tale and then you will feel better. Or maybe I am giving people the benefit of the doubt?

I have an op date for my gallbladder surgery! It is in September, on my birthday :) Best present but worst party ever!

Have also now had two AF in two months. I am actually really pleased by this. My cycles were ridiculous before we conceived Dex, I hadn't had a period in 18 months. Have been spending time on the Rainbows thread, as I think that is the direction we are leaning as soon as my pesky Gallbladder is out of the way! I have been so grateful though to have people to talk to here about Dexter, and the support I have had has been amazing. What is the etiquette for these situations? I would love to stay here and post on that thread as well, is that allowed and not insensitive?

You all all brave and wonderful amazonians, like mias said :) xx

Mecha Of course you can post in both :) We love hearing about 'our' (this thread's) rainbow babies. Glad you've finally got a date, and can plan for the future xx

Slightly weird. A school friend, who now lives in Canada, but has been wonderful, announced she is to be a grandma, and posted the scan photo. She wrote on it her grandchild who she 'hoped' would make it into the world. I know how much Tamsin has affected her, but I'm slightly sad that she now sees pregnancy as a precarious journey.

On the other hand, my cousin (my dad's sister's son), has just had a granddaughter. He announced it on facebook, complete with proud mug shots. I've 'unsubscribed' from him. He never once said anything to me after Tamsin... nothing, so I don't really give a sh*t about any new third cousins I now have. Is that really horrible of me?

Mecha, you can post all over the whole forum! I do!

Mecha Hurray for an op date and how lovely that you're thinking about TTC again. Lots of people I know in RL are announcing pregnancies at the moment and it makes me so happy to hear about them . Like Chip and Tami say, post away wherever you want to.

Tami You can't help how you feel and when people haven't acknowledged what you've been through it can make you sensitive to their 'news'. How lovely that there's another baby in the family. Are you close to your cousin? Hopefully they'll be more thoughtful towards you.

Hi ladies,

Just thought I would pop by and let you know I have a date for my c-sec - 15th August. Eek! Just 10 days before Erin's 1st birthday, how bittersweet. I'm trying to plan now what we are going to do to mark her birthday as I don't want it to be a last minute thing after the new baby comes. Finding it very conflicting at the moment.

So if you could spare a positive thought and a prayer around the 15th I would be very grateful. I'm ever so scared.

Love to you all xxxx

Whatever (((HUGS))) I will be thinking oodles of positive thoughts for you. Very exciting, but I understand the apprehension. I think you're doing the right thing, arranging something for Erin beforehand, I know this is very daunting, but lots of love & luck... positive thoughts all the way xxxx

MrsK I will (alas) never get to see the baby. It was me who found my cousin on Facebook (I have quite a few, but only found him), I messaged him, he didn't reply, but did accept my friend request. I contacted his sister (when I found her), about my nan, and talked about things in general, but she only replied about my nan, and didn't accept the request. The family has completely fallen apart since my nan died. I don't really care, they are a lot older than my siblings & I (dad was the baby of the family), so never saw them much anyway. My sister, brother & my parents are very close, so I'm not missing out to be honest xx