Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

Twinkle I suppose I'm feeling that fog lifting as well, which is why I think I've noticed the weight gain and am feeling narked off about it. Also, am going back to work soon and am not sure what's going to fit me clotheswise. I want to look presentable so that people don't think I've fallen apart.

mrsk I've been exactly the same. I'm the heaviest I've ever been other than when pregnant now. My weight has been blipping up all the time since Belle died. I didn't lose all her baby weight properly, then obviously had X and now I'm finding it impossible to sort myself out. I must thought because I'm feeling really crap about myself. DH has put on around 3 stone since she died too. Motivation all but gone.

Just feeling so down. I'm beginning to feel ungrateful. Despite it all I've much to be thankful for; DH, X. Its bad but it could be SO much worse. Just wish I could shake the weepy feeling I've had hanging over me for days and days now. I'm supposed to be more together in July!!!

So sorry you're having a rough time Fioled. You're not supposed to be anything at any particular time, you feel how you feel. And counting blesses doesn't always make me feel better either. It doesn't make you ungrateful, just sad. Sending you a massive ((()))

fioled, agree with MrsK. There is no right or wrong way to feel. And as for "It could be worse" Well, yes, it could always be worse.
I could lose the house
The boys could die
Dh could die
I could get a horrible, debilitating disease
I could lose my job because of my debilitating disease
My Mum could die
My brother could die
My sisters could die
Ireland could sink under the sea, leaving me clinging to a single plank of wood.
But knowing all that doesn't make losing Sylvie-Rose any easier!

Fi - so much happening in such a short time. Im always here if you want to talk my love. Just shout up and I will listen.

Just after we left my Dads 80th birthday party yesterday my Mum & Dad decided they would go home. Mum sat on the edge of the settee and asked our Lew for a kiss. He came up to her and she leaned forward to kiss him and she fell onto him. She is only very thin but she terrified him. She hit the floor face first. My DS1 called an ambulance right away. They were there very quickly. Mum had a few drinks and the paramedics said they couldn't do anything because of that. Dan & Em took Lew to A & E and they kept them waiting for 4 hours Doctor checked Lew out and said that he was fine. I rang Mum this morning and she couldn't remember falling. She just said that she was mortified because she thought she had hurt Lew. I think that the 'long goodbye' of the revolting condition of Alzhaimers has started. My precious Mum who, throughout my childhood and beyond, gave us everything and had nothing - this World, at times, is horrible.

I am struggling to keep my tears to myself. Tom keeps asking if his Gran is OK and my Mum said to me yesterday 'I dont know whats happening but all I know is that I will kiss Matt and Gareth for you and I promise I will look after them.'

Sorry for that rant my friends. I have nowhere else to put it. My dear friend, Triplets (who lost her Matthew many years ago) who posts on here has just lost her Mum - her funeral is today. I dont want to upset Trips by posting on the D'ya ever (multiple birth) threads. I have met her in RL and she is a wonderful friend xx

Morning ladies xx

Oh Shabs that is so sad. What a dreadful end to your lovely party. I was looking at your photo last night, and I thought how pretty your Mum is, she has got beautiful eyes she must have been a stunner when she was young!.
Alzeimers is the most cruel disease, my father in law had it, you look at them and they look the same but they're not are they.
I hope she has not got any serious injuries, and that Lew is ok today. Little children do 'bounce back' and he has got his lovley Andma to give him lost of cuddles.
You rant all you want we will be here to listen. xxx

Thanks Lavandes - I had to get it out 'of my system'IYKWIM. My Mum, up till about 2 years ago' was at least a size 18 - she always had been for as long as I remember. I would guess that she is now a 6/8 - she says she forgot to eat Im really struggling with this horrible 'condition' that she has. It has affected most of the woman on my mums side of the family - except for my Mums Mum who never even showed any signs of it at all. I hope that before it really, really takes hold of her she can go to sleep and not wake up. Notice how I cant say the word d...i....e

I think all you can do is make sure she's as safe as you can, it is so difficult because I don't expect your Dad wants too much 'interfering' (I can't spell today) if that is the right word YKWIM. Has he accepted that she is ill because I know some partners don't. If you see someone all the time you don't notice the changes as much. x

shabba so sorry you are having such a tough time :(

Shabs, I'm so sorry about your poor Mum. Such a cruel and horrible disease and how frightening for her and for you.
But at least she has a lovely family who will take care of her and make sure that no matter what, she is well looked after. Some people don't have that.

I know what you mean Chips - how the hell do people manage on their own? Mum & Dad are very much loved by all of us. I need to slap my own face and get on with the day!!!

shabbs just hugs my love xxx

shabs hoping that expressing your fears and sadness here helps a little. My Your mum does sound lovely, and I'm glad that the day was a happy one until her fall. I think it's hardest when they do have those moments of lucidity and then become scared and worried - I hope that your mum can escape too much of that.

By the way everyone, thinking about all the discussions of weight... in my mind, you are all tall, gorgeous Amazons with bronzed skin and flowing locks, who face the world and its fears head on. Because these are the images each of you convey as you meet the challenges of dealing with your grief and pain everyday. Brave and unbeaten, and there to support each other.

Thanks, Mias!

Mias that is lovely :) That is the mental image I shall try to have of myself! In reality, I do tend towards being overweight and comfort-eating. However this gallbladder problem means that if I eat moderate to high fat foods I end up with blinding, crippling pain. While I want to just eat everything in sight to make myself feel better I just can't. I am thinner than I have been in years, but it all seems to have come off my face and boobs. It just doesn't look good.

Thinking about what chip and others said about memorials too, it's true. I do see his plaque as a sort of extension of him, I had never thought about it before. I think this is also why I felt really strongly I did not want him to be cremated. I was worried this would somehow "hurt" him, even though I knew that was nonsense. Reading about you all who have your little ones with you is wonderful though, I can really understand the appeal. I am glad Dexter is just a five minute walk away from us. We are pretty settled here though, barring circumstances I can't forsee, I don't think we will be moving til we are old and grey and need a smaller house. Even then, we do love the village we are in.

fioled of course you are allowed to be sad. I have been apologising to people for being sad when they have problems too. But most have been really kind and pointed out we are not in competition. I have a lot be thankful for, but that doesn't change that I have a lot to be sad about too.

xx

shabs hugs.

I like being an Amazonian Thanks mia's

More hugs for you Shabs. Alzheimer's is such an awful condition for the sufferer and everyone around them.

Mias are you watching me? How did you know that I'm Amazonian

Hi Shabs i ahve posted on here a couple of times & am still a bit "new" so I don't want to impose on trusted& established friendships.Just to say that my mum has (diagnosed) Alzheimers....we went through v similar episodes to you.Falls,memory loss,not eating/drinking,ambulances...
It is very hard,I think particularly when a person has already had such massive losses in their life (I lost a DD 17 years a go)....I also feel that I have had more than my fair share of loss.
Just to let you know I understand what you are saying about your lovely mum.
Sadly my mum doesn't recognise me now,we were so close & it breaks my heart when I visit her & have to tell her who I am.
Life can be a sod sometimes.

Afternoon all, hope the sun is shining wherever you are - lovely day here so have been washing everything in sight and getting it out to dry on the line. Will have quite an ironing pile though this evening!

MrsKwazii It is has been quite warm here, but not very sunny. I'm terrible, as I lost my iron, and haven't (and don't want to) replace it

I met a lovely lady yesterday. Quite humbling, as she is very elegant in thought & speech, and very beautiful - inside & out.

Today went to toddler group. Was fine, but a few niggles. Firstly my friend came - which is fine, I love her, but she was going to meet here, but she forgot, and 5 minutes before it started I rang her, to find she was already there!

This friend also annoyed me, slightly, last week. She came over (he DS is days older than DD1), and when we went out, realised he had DD1's train, from her new set. I took it & put it in the pocket of my pushchair. Whilst I was swinging DD1, she decided to try folding up my buggy, and later I realised that when she did so, the train had fallen out, and is now lost. My mum told me it was my fault , but I was a bit miffed that she played with my buggy without asking.

She then found out where I'd put DD1 on the waiting list for pre-school, and was going to put her DS on the same one. Fine, except it has a huge waiting list, and they don't take in order of applying, they take in DOB order, so if there was one space, he'd get it first.

Rant over! I do love my friend (honestly), she is one of the few who has been there for me, so I'd never say anything to her, just rant on here (I'm sure theres loads to rant about me too)!

Tami, I know what you mean, it's those small annoyances! But yes, with good friends you let them slide, because they're there for the important stuff!

Tami Yep, little things can nark you off in a big way. I find MN a great place for letting off steam so that I don't get too worked up in RL. Getting things off my chest here leads to happier relationships all round

What a coincidence, tami, I also met a lovely lady yesterday!! She and her gorgeous DD1 have very similar eyes, and despite this being our first ever meeting, we easily managed to talk for three hours...We spoke our beautiful daughters mainly, but also about our writing - she is very talented, and I don't think she quite realises it. Very much looking forward to our next coffee meet-up x

Managed to get out this afternoon and finish off the weed-ridden garden bed, and Mia's blackbird sang to me. So very soothing.

Dh and I went out for a walk. We drove to the phoenix park and got caught in the rain and soaked! Then when we drove home, there wasn't a drop of rain on the ground. Should have stayed local. Put a fresh candle on her grave before going home.