Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

IsabelMamma A very warm welcome to the thread, I'm sorry that you find yourself here.

Isabel is a lovely name. You're right, life is very unfair. We're here if you want to talk/rant/cry on a shoulder xx

It's DD1's birthday tomorrow. As much as she loves toddler group, I'm not taking her, and hope the weather is nice enough to do something else.

She's also not having a party this year. I just can't face it, and she's going to be two, so she won't remember it anyway. So just a cake, and candles. I'm dreading the thought that my Dsis will turn up... grrr...

How different to a year ago. I was happy then. DD1's party was exciting, and I was eagerly looking forward to this year, and her sibling enjoying some birthday cake.

Welcome, Isabel, so sorry you find yourself here. Life can be so bloody unfair, can't it?

Can I just ask if anyone does know about maternity exemption certificates? The reason I'm confused is the expiry date on mine is three weeks after Tamsin was born. When DD1 was born, the dentist's form asked when the baby was born, and I was told that it was valid for a year after she was born (which meant I couldn't use it till it expired). So I'm confused with Tamsin, as to whether it expires on her birthday, or three weeks later.

Tami I think if you applied when pregnant then the maternity exemption is valid until 1 year exactly from your due date. Was Tamsin born at 37 weeks? If so, that would explain the extra 3 weeks.

Thank you spilttheteaagain. Yes Tamsin was born at 37 weeks x

I've lost my current maternity exemption but I know the expiry date on it is the start of November, a year from my due date with X. My two expcemption certificates were overlapping for a time because Belle's only ran out August 2011 when I was about 28 weeks with X. I had him 4 weeks early so he'll be 13 months when it runs out. Not that I can use it because I've no idea where it is though. Not such a big deal this side of the border because prescriptions are free anyway, it was only useful for dental appointments.

Thanks too filoed. I think what confused me was the dentist, who said with DD1 that the exemption run out when she was 1, not on her due date (which was two weeks later), so it has confused me (I worry about beaurocratic things like this & getting into trouble). I shall use Tamsin's till the expiry. Have to say I don't enjoy looking at it though, it reminds me of what I should have.

Mine overlapped too (so in the end I was covered anyway), though I didn't send off that quickly for the second, seeing as I was still covered by DD1's :)

fioled that should have read

Isabelmamma I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Isabel. Such a beautiful name. It's very cruel especially when you have waited so long to have your darling baby. I lost my boy eight weeks ago at 38 weeks having spent a long time trying to get pregnant so I know how terribly unfair it all feels. XXX

Thanks mecha, tami, chip, matilda & all of the mums welcoming me here :).

I'm sorry for all your losses. And i guess most of you are already managing the pain better now. It's still surreal for me to find myself in a place like this. I know you are all amazing women that's been through this before and are all willing to give your love and support to a new Angelmummy like me, but I really really wished that things like this shouldn't happen at all!

I've always loved the name Isabel knowing the meaning as "God's promise". I guess she is more needed in heaven than here on earth. It just really breaks my heart in a million pieces that I never get the chance to meet her, to see her eyes, see her smile & to show her my love outside my womb. I missed her so much. I wonder if this pain will ever go away. It's just overwhelming right now.

When does it start to become bearable?

I'm still numb... It's like it happened in a flash! The time to get pregnant with Isabel took a very loooong time and we are all looking forward to meet her. Only 5 days left before my scheduled Caesarian delivery & she was just snapped away so fast like that! My poor DD1 who is 8 years old was so excited to meet her long awaited baby sister. She couldn't stop crying the whole night when me & DH told her the devastating news. I felt like I failed DD1, I failed DH & most of all I Failed Isabel! Im supposed to be her guardian, her protector, her mum! I felt like I failed her in all of that! I should have ran immediately to the hospital when I noticed that she was kicking & wiggling too hard that night before she died. It might be her way of crying out for help.

Im not sure anymore if I'm capable to get pregnant again coz it might end up like Isabel all over again.

Oh my love, those feelings are so familiar, and so natural. My thing was the opposite - B stopped moving. By my friend who is a midwife has said that sadly, even if we had called, we would have been told to have a cold drink, lie on the sofa and wait an hour. Isabel is a lovely name. The pain doesn't go, I don't think, but it changes into something we can manage - or we go to be able to cope with it.

Re: medical exemptions, you don't actually have to show the card, as long as you're entilted you just say you are and the nhs processes it automatically.

Having a shitty day today. The weekend was full of catching up with friends, and I ached not to have him in my arms. I'm a bit stuck about something. A friend of mine has the same dress as me, she bought it after seeing me in mine. I wore it a lot when pregnant and I was wearing it in labour. I've thrown mine away, but see her in hers all the time (she's pregnant). It makes my skin crawl to see her in it. Would I sound like a weirdo for mentioning to her? I don't want to upset or cause a problem.

IsabelMamma what a beautiful name you chose for your daughter. I'd like to say welcome, except I know that this is the last place you want to be... just like the rest of us here. You are going through the worst pain possible. We all know that hurt, that disbelief, the anger and despair at this sudden cruel change. I am just so, so sorry. However, this is a place where you will be heard and understood, where you can find kindness and sympathy, and hopefully, which will help you find your way through the loss of your beloved daughter. And I'm glad you liked the poem I posted. It really does sum up our loss and our confusion, doesn't it?

tami I think your plans for DD1's 2nd birthday sound lovely, and totally appropriate for her age. But yes, the thoughts for what this birthday should have been must be so hard. Tamsin will be with you in her own way. Sending you golden sunlight for DD1 and rainbows for Tamsin tomorrow.

Isabel, I'm sorry my last post was so short, I was in work and not supposed to be on the internet.

I know we probably all chat away here as if we're "fine" and "managing" but every one of us here throws a bit of a wobbly from time to time. Someone linked to a wonderful poem by a bereaved Mum which likened the pain to wearing uncomfortable shoes all the time. Sometimes you are so used to the pain that you don't notice it, sometimes you look at other peoples shoes and envy them their shoes, other people look at you and feel sorry that you have to wear those shoes and are glad they don't have to wear them.

But we all walk this path together. Some of us have walked further and have gotten to know the path a bit better but we all know we'll walk this path forever. But our angels walk with us. We can't see them but they are there. And when the time comes to stop walking, they'll be there waiting with all the cuddles that we missed.

Oh, and don't think for a minute that you failed Isabel. And that goes for you too, Mrs Y! How ironic that one of you feels that you didn't pay enough attention to too much movement and the other feels you didn't pay enough attention to too little movement.

Sylvie-Rose died of SIDS. She was in my bed, not for long, we had fallen asleep after a breastfeed. I spoke to a neonatologist at her post-mortem meeting. I said that I felt bad that she was in our bed. The neonatologist said that had she been in her cot, I would have felt guilty that she died alone in her cot. I also mentioned that she had sneezed twice and seemed very, very hungry. The doctor said that if I had brought her to A+E and said she sneezed twice and had a huge appetite, they would have turned me around and marched me out the door.

As parents we will always feel that in some way we are to blame. But usually it really is no-one's fault at all.

Really great spot on posts chip xx

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone.

Two months today since B's funeral. Just want to bury myself in my duvet and ignore the world. I was looking a pictures of him last night, but already this morning I can't remember what he looks like :( It's just totally shit.

I realised last night, that I haven't got a card for DD1 from Tamsin. Family have told me that I wouldn't/haven't bought presents for others, from deceased relatives before. But I feel guilty, that I should have. I don't know what I should have done, though I think of the zoo visit as a present from Tamsin. Aargh.

MrsY (((hugs))). I know it seems like that, but I'm confident you will remember him, it's a panicky feeling. Time is marching on and it's scary & wrong, for time to march us on, leaving our babies in the past. It will get easier, and you do carry your babies with you. You're still in the very early days. Be kind to yourself xx

I don't think is any should or shouldn't do about it, tami , I also don't think it really matters either way, just what you do or want to do it just fine. It is funny, I don't think I'll buy X resents from Belle when it comes to his birthday, I didn't for Christmas either, but I always include her in things for DH where I can, like the scrabble cufflinks I got him for father's day, I got a B and X.

and yet for her birthday I did a handprint pebble with X to put on B's garden, because I feel to know her he needs to be involved in his own little way, but because I can't do anything tangible actually from her the other way around that will mean anything to him I probably won't.

I waffling. It's just all very strange isn't it.

MrsY I know how you feel, Thursday it will be 2 years since Belle's funeral, and because I know I'm going to be feeling it, I've planned a day trip with my Mum to make myself get out and about. I find days are even harder when I hide in the house, even though that is exactly what I want to do.

I can also relate to the not feeling like you remember. I get so upset now, because I feel like I'm really losing the sensation of what she felt like to carry in my arm, what she really looked like beyond her photos, and just remembering those moments in as much clarity. I hate the passing of time.

fioled just think of it like this... every day that passes, even though you think it is separating you further from her memories, is actually a day closer to her...

Agree with Fi....there is no right or wrong thing to do when our precious children die. I think the only right thing (for me anyway) is to always talk openly and honestly with our 'survivors', and with our children born afterwards, so that they get to know them. Always to be honest - never to be afraid to cry in front of our other children either....it does not 'harm them' in any way - it just shows them that tears are fine and to show emotions is the right thing to do.

Sometimes, when Dan was younger, I had times when I didn't want to lift my head up off the pillow. I eventually would and then I would tell Dan why I was struggling that particular day.

Tami dont let other people dictate to you what is right or wrong - you know yourself what you would like to do - listen to yourself not others. xxxx

oh blue , love you. That is the perfect way to think. It reminds me of the that song 'One more step along the world I go'

Yes :) Very nice song! Our angels are always traveling along with us :)

Also reminds me of an Old Irish blessing:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

I love that poem Blue.

Tami, none of my boys get cards or presents from each other and they won't get them from Sylvie-Rose either. She will be their guardian angel and that's all anyone can ask of her.