Love, like starlight, never dies - In loving memory of all our darling children gone too soon!

[Bluetinkerbell]

I am the gentle breeze upon your face
The twinkle in the stars
I am the sudden ray of sunshine
That warms your broken heart.

Thank you Whatevertheweather for starting the previous thread! :)

Let this place be a place of support for all of us on this path together, with lots of smiles, lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of understanding x
A place where 'new' and 'old' bereaved Mums and parents can share their grieve, experiences and memories of their darling children.

mecha people are so silly and thoughtless sometimes. Why would you deny your beloved son? Children accept things quite easily. They might be blunt and direct, but they don't know any other way - I think it makes things easier. I had a little girl, who has had life-threatening cancer, ring me up about Mia, and ask me what happened, and then she announced that she wasn't going to die. But then, some people really are amazing in the way that they accept your grief. I am so glad that the other mum allowed you to speak about Dexter and welcome you into her life. These people are incredibly important. All my close friends openly speak about Mia, and encourage me to do so, whether it is with tears or smiles. When I speak about Mia, whenever it is appropriate, I deliberately choose to use the present tense. "Mia's so beautiful" I say, but will also say "I have a daughter, but she died."

matilda you aren't bonkers. It is understandable doing what you did. You will tell them the truth when you are ready. I still imagine Mia doing lots of things, and a little part of me dies when I realise that she can't. Our love keeps them alive, and no-one can interfere with these wonderful dreams which we keep in our heads...

fioled hope today has been a time of reflection, peace and recovery as you move forward. Your day yesterday sounded beautiful.

It's funny how we make assumptions about each other.

Today, I was talking to a patient's Mum. It was a patient I was seeing at home so she could hear the boys rattling about. She asked if I had a mix of boys and girls. I told her about Sylvie-Rose.

I had known she was on her own with her kids but assumed she had split up with their Dad. But it turned out that he had died when she was pregnant with the little boy and her other son was only a baby too.

I always do say that I had a little girl but she died. I say it in one breath. Because I feel like I don't want to enable people to put their foot in it and upset me while they go blithely on about their day.

A poem by Louisa Lawson sent by a lovely friend...

You ask me, dear child, why thus sadly I weep
For baby the angels have taken to keep;
Altho' she is safe, and for ever at rest,
A yearning to see her will rise in my breast.
I pray and endeavour to quell it in vain,
But stronger it comes and yet stronger again,
Till all the bright thoughts of her happier lot
Are lost in this one - my baby is not.
And while I thus yearn so intensely to see
This child that the angels are keeping for me,
I doubt for the time where her spirit has flown -
If the love e'en of angels can fully atone
For the loss of a mother's, mysterious and deep.
I own that thought sinful, yet owning it - weep.

Mias, that is so beautiful!

That's lovely, Mias. Reminds me, shabba I don't think I thanked you for the poem you posted before - it wasn't the one I am thinking of. It's starts with 'my mummy is so brave' and goes on to talk about how she cries herself to sleep at night :(

Mecha, I'm a bit of a tattoo freak. This was my 6th. It's on my profile along with a couple of my others. MrY is getting a sleeve of a magpie holding a silver peanut charm. For the last few weeks of my pregnancy I kept on seeing single magpies. I also had a smug little thought of ' it just goes to show the whole magpie thing is rubbish. How can it be one for sorrow when we're going to have a lovely boy soon?'. Now, whenever we visit B's grave we see a single magpie, usually sitting on the fence just next to him. I think MrY likes to think of it as a little wink from our boy. It's funny you mention the dragon. We use cloth nappies and I wanted to order some wraps. I suggested to MrY that he design one, to try and involve him. He chose a red/orange chinese dragon on navy blue. I was very tempted for Peanut to wear it, but it's in the SANDS box instead.

mecha honestly, some people really DHAC do they. I can't believe someone has suggested it would upset them to know about Dexter too young. Like you, our plan is for X that Belle will be such an integral part of our family there hasn't and won't be a time he doesn't know her. He's involved in visiting her now. Yesterday he held onto her balloon for a long time and let go of it when he was ready, and when he did we gave him a clap and cheer for sending it to his sister. Other visits we give him a flower to hold and he drops it when he is ready. Ok he doesn't understand what he's doing yet, but he's been involved from day 1, and he'll know he does special things for his sister and know about her one day just by being involved.

Glad you had a good morning with the other Mum x

DH has a tattoo for Belle, he wants to get one for X now too. I've been toying with the idea these last two years but never sure if I'm brave enough. I have a gorgeous idea in mind and currently kinda like the idea of having one on my left foot for her, we'll see how I feel about actually getting it done when I stop bf Xander and before we ttc#3.

It amazes me the things people come out with. We could never stop our three year old from knowing about her younger brother - why would you want any child born after their sibling from knowing?

Children deal with things much better than adults, in fact, the younger they are when they 'know' something like this the more accepting they are. They grow up assuming it's just part of life. A two year old does not question whether or not their life is the same as everyone else's!

Re: the tattoo. I had my first done a few years ago, and have one for my daughter, one for my husband, one for my mum/general family and one for my sister/general family. There was no doubt I'd get for Peanut. It was actually on my left foot fioled and it was the most painful of them all, but as soon as it stop, the pain does too, and it was more than worth it. It's a very scratchy/hot sort of pain. I can't stand people stroking me over and over in the same place as it irritates me - it's a much more intense version of that I think. Everytime I walk I see flashes of it and I

Those were exactly our thoughts on Dexter. He is part of our family and always will be. Why would we deny him? Thinking about it Mias I do talk about him in the present tense. We are proud of him, he does have a lovely view where he is, that sort of thing. I just miss him. Everyday and all the time.

MrsY that sounds beautiful. I already have a verse from a poem round one ankle for graduating from Uni and a raven on each side of my collarbone for my husband and I. I do love my tattoos, they are meaningful to me. Just trying to decide where to get Dexter's Dragon done now. I am thinking inner forearm, near my elbow. I agree about the pain as well, sort of chicken pox itch meets chinese burn. Nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be.

I have a bee in my inner forearm, was a bit niggly at the top as the skin is so thin in the crease of the elbow. But it's a nice place to have it and can be covered by 3/4 top if you want to. I like that all of mine can be covered, but I can choose to have them on show if I want.

Before I opened the thread, I thought you meant an actual bee, MrsY and I was thinking, yes that would be niggly!

ha ha ha ha ha ha so did I Chip

Mias that poem is just beautiful. I went all tingly reading it. Thank you for sharing

hi girls

i have a few issues going on recently so not had the time/energy to post

but wanted to let you all know that you are entitled to your free nhs dental treatments and nhs prescriptions even thought your baby is not with you

The entitlement is for you not for your child and it doesnt end just cos your little one is not here . .. you really dont need to send your certificates back .. you have been carrying another little person whether its 22 weeks or 42 weeks so you are entitled to use it up till the expiry date

FM I wish that was true, but it only applies if your baby made it to 24 weeks. I had to send mine back after Bobbie arrived sleeping at 20 weeks. A horrible kick in the teeth. I wanted to keep that card - sod the free treatment, but it felt like they were taking away part of the "proof" that she had lived

Eight months tonight. Darling Mia, my beautiful child. Almost two-thirds as much of the time you had with us. Cherished days, engraved on my heart. x

Spilt, isn't that cruel? It's not so much the entitlement you'd be upset about, it's that the system is so damned cruel, that you're just a number and that nobody in that system cares that you lost your beautiful baby.
Mias, eight months. I was just thinking that Sylvie-Rose has been gone over eight months and that even including all the time she was in my tummy, she didn't even get eight months on earth.

My sister is going to make me a stone for the garden with Sylvie-Rose's name on it. I am going to plant a magnolia Soulangeana with pink blossoms in the front garden and put the stone underneath the tree. The pretties tree for the prettiest girl.

Ha ha! Yes, that would be more than niggly!

Mias, gentle hugs.

chip, that sounds lovely, Magnolia S. is so pretty. I'm planning our little garden for Benedict (can't do it yet as we're moving). We've been given a cherry tree, and I'd like to have rosemary (for remembrance), which also has pretty flowers. I really want lots of daisies on the lawn, as they are his birth flower. Also, I saw on someone's signature on the SANDS forum that in Celtic legend, daisies were sprinkled on the ground by the Gods to cheer up parents who had lost babies. I'm still searching for seeds for ordinary daisies.

I'm in a foul mood today. We've had some small but annoying plumbing issues for a while, and yesterday, got a plumber round to fix them all. £400 later, we thought is was all fine. We got in last night from a friends birthday and my husband went to rinse the bath out where it was dirty and we had a waterfall in our dowstairs loo :( Luckily I had a bottle of water, so although we turned the water off at the mains, at least we could brush our teeth this morning. Emergency plumber has just got here, so I'm hoping he can sort it.

Mias hugs! thinking of your precious Mia! x

Yes the system of maternity exemption is very cruel! and I was only reminded of on Sterre's birthday Wednesday when my new maternity exemption arrived in the post... of all days it had to be that one... They should really change something about it!

chip glad your sister is making you a stone! looking forward to seeing it! x

MrsY hope your plumbing problem will be sorted soon!

Spilt the system is cruel and cold. I understand there have to be cut offs and guidelines, but having to then read them and work out what you are entitled to is just awful when there are more important things you have to worry about. It does feel like no one cares and are just ticking boxes when your life is in freefall :( I am so sorry.

Mias thinking about you and Mia. Sending love.

chip and MrsY those gardens sound lovely. I had thought about Rosemary (for rememberence) for Dexter, but I am an appalling gardener and need things that are fairly hardy! Bulbs maybe? I think we will plant him a tree here at home too. We have this intense NEED to do things for him, it is not very logical at all. I guess if he was here or even still in the unit we would be doing things, so maybe it is not that odd after all.

Hoping all our issues are resolved, plumbing or whatever! It seems cruel the world won't just stop and give us a break for a little.

Miasmummy (((hugs))) xx

Chip I love Magnolia, it sounds lovely xx

MrsY I hope that your plumbing gets sorted soon (hope it is by now). It's a real kick in the teeth when RL things intrude isn't it? Interesting about the daisies. In the baby section at our cemetery there are loads of daisies, and DD1 picks them, then we lay them on Tamsin's grave before we leave xx

I did know about the certificate. I use mine, but it feels almost fraudulent to use it, without having Tamsin here. I didn't know you could use them till they expired, I wasn't sure how long you could use them for. It's so unfair that others have to send them back, after you've had to endure labour, delivery & seeing your baby. To be denied seems almost inhumane.

Morning everyone. Hope everyone is well x

Morning, Mecha! xx

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies!
My first time here to post in this thread & would like to say to Mia what a beautiful poem you posted last Friday.
Tomorrow will be a month since I gave birth to my precious little girl Isabel. She was born sleeping at 39 weeks. After 8 years of waiting , in which 4 years of that we are actively trying, we finally got our wish to have a second child but not in the way we planned & dreamt it. How unfair life could be.

Hello IsabelMamma, I am so sorry to hear about your little girl. There are a lot of kind and wise women here and I hope you will find some comfort. I know I have.