A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia?s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because? it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

And we love hearing about her...

Wonderful words from a wise man and your answer about having 2 children - just a perfect way to describe your love for Mia and Finn.
I hope Mia's grandad has a safe trip over and enjoys his time here, precious moments.
Thinking of you.

Every time I read your posts about mia they bring me to tears. She sounds like such an amazing little girl. I have read your story from the beginning, from your very first post.

Another occasion to celebrate with friends this weekend. Again, the last time I had been up to Scotland was for the funeral of my friend's father, pregnant with Mia, and newly married. This time, it was to enjoy a big birthday with laughter and friends, although MrMia watched another proud father dance with his daughter, knowing that it is something he will never do. The cycle of life continues. It is good to feel laughter again, despite the pain we carry.

Miasgrandad is here now, and every chance he gets, he offers to hold Finn, look after him and protect him. It is lovely.

A conversation with Little Flower, a friend of Mia, that I had today.

"I've done a drawing of a monkey for Finn, do you think he will like it?"

"Yes, Little Flower, it is beautiful, I'm sure he will, especially all the colourful stickers on the monkey's tummy."

Solemn face, then totally out of the blue - "I love Mia."
"We all do, darling. We all love her very much."
"Do you think she is having a good time in heaven?"
"Yes. She can see us all, you know. She looks after us. She sends us kisses sometimes. We see them in the sky. You know those clouds which are big crosses in the sky? They are kisses from Mia. Sometimes they are big and squishy, sometimes they are neat and tidy, but they are all from Mia. She is sending us her love."
"We will have to look for them, won't we, Mummy?" says Little Flower earnestly, with her big blue eyes looking towards her mother.

Not really sure how to speak to children about death, but I do my best. I am astounded at how much they can understand, in their own little ways.

What a lovely conversation you had, so beautifully put.. xx

I love reading your words about Mia and Finn. I love how you capture the moment so that I actually feel as though I was there.

Thank you for sharing your sweet pea with us all.

It will be Mia's 3rd birthday on Sunday.

We are holding our first MiaFest with friends to mark the occasion, where we will all camp overnight at Mia's Wood. There will be all kinds of activities for the children - leaf necklace making, bushcraft, painting bird boxes, storytelling and songs, sparklers and a bonfire, pony rides, cupcake decorating and a scavenger hunt. It is taking a bit of time to organise, but worth it.

I did have a pang of sadness while shopping for the items, as so many of the items could, and should be, for Mia's birthday party. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to buy party bags. It was silly, but nonetheless a step too far.

What a lovely thing to do and such a gorgeous way to celebrate Mia... She will very much be there xxxx

A lovely way to remember Mia x

Oh, Mias, that sounds perfect! I know what you mean about the party bags. When we have Sylvie-Rose's birthdays, there are some things that are too hard.

How lovely. What a perfect way to remember her. I hope you have the best of days, one that you will treasure in your minds for the years to come. I'll be thinking of you. Lots of love. Xxxx

I will be thinking of Mia tomorrow. I think you are so brave. X

Miasmummy I hope today goes just as you planned. Mia was an amazing little girl and I am sure she is smiling down on you.

Happy 3rd birthday to your darling Mia xxxxxxxxx

Birthday wishes and prayers for your darling Mia.
I hope you all feel her presence around you and comforted by the deep love you have on this difficult day. Xx

Thinking of you today, Mias, and hoping you have all had a wonderful and memorable day. Lots of love. Xxx

Happy birthday darling girl. I have followed your mummy's loss of you for a very long time now. I am so glad you have a baby brother - the love you had goes on and on... xxx

Happy Birthday Mia. Your Mummy always writes so beautifully about you, you sound like a very special little girl xx

Oh people... thank you for all your love for Mia today.

Mia's love story was so much in evidence over the past 24 hours. MiaFest ended up in our house and garden, due to the weather, rather than at Mia's Wood, and it was a riotous, joyous, chaotic time. We are all exhausted, but feel Mia so very strongly.

The bird boxes are painted, the leaf jewellery and bird seed hearts are made, cupcakes are decorated with Mia leaves, and bubbles blown. Last night we had our bonfire with sparklers and Mia-orange fireworks, entrancing all the children, and this morning, their faces lit up with joy when a pony arrived. They also loved the autumn stories "Red Leaf, Yellow Leaf" and "Ferdie and the Falling Leaves", doing the various actions as the story was read to them.

The last activity though, was the most meaningful one - we planted Mia's birthday tree, a gorgeous acer, at Mia's Wood. It was wet and windy, but just like last year, the children helped, very earnestly stamping on the dirt and watering it. MrMia found that part hard.

Three years ago was the best day of my life, when I became a mother. Now I am Mia's mummy and Finn's mummy. A child in my arms and a child in my heart.

Love you my little redheaded girl. So much. So proud of you.

Sending much love to you and your little redhead on her third birthday. What a wonderful way to celebrate her xx

Happy Birthday Mia. So much love radiating from her and continuing to touch so many people.

love and hope to you and your family xxxxx

Beautiful words as always, Mia's. Mia lives on not only in our hearts and minds, but also in your words. She is vividly amongst the living in every picture you paint.

Love to all of you. Xxx

Oh Mias, your words break my heart as usual.

How lucky Mia & Finn are to have a mummy like you x