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A love story : Living without my beautiful red-headed Mia

995 replies

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 16/05/2012 21:47

This love story began before Mia was born, intensified when she entered our lives, and it will continue to burn strongly forever. Mia is my red-headed flame, my sweet pea, my noisy sprite. Mia is joy, she is love, she is every good thing you can imagine. And I am so incredibly proud to be her mummy.

Yet she is gone. Mia died totally unexpectedly last October at the age of 13 months. Impossible, but true.

We miss Mia?s cuddles, her weight and her little legs curled around us, her face against our cheeks and her warm arms around our necks, the soothing pats on the back that she would give us as we in turn patted her. She was intimate, coming to us, arms raised, for a reassuring cuddle, but then with a smile, content she would wiggle free, independent and inquisitive about everything around her, exploring her world, looking in cupboards, peeking between the banisters as she climbed the stairs and just revelling in her existence.

I have tried to estimate how many times a day we kissed Mia. Picking her up, putting her down, dressing her, feeding her, washing her hands, just because? it must have been hundreds. Equally, we always made a point to tell Mia every day just how much we loved her. We know she listened.

I cannot begin to adequately describe the love that we have for our little girl. I can only ask you to imagine the most perfect feeling of love and warmth that you can, to double its intensity, and extend it to infinity and you are still not even close to the amount of love that we shared with Mia every second of the her 13 months.

This is her story, and mine, and my reality.

OP posts:
pookiecat · 12/10/2012 17:21

Thinkin of you and your family, stay strong xxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 12/10/2012 23:24

The registration of the star name for Mia Alexandra came through yesterday, so it is shining brightly somewhere in the universe, sparkling now and forever.

And this afternoon, the Woodland Trust rang to say they are interested in doing a site visit to Mia's Wood, and it looks as though they are very open to helping us.

I would love to take these as auspicious signs, but I can't really think that way anymore, even if I am glad they happened now, at this difficult time. I found Mia's nursery report yesterday, and it was such a reminder of the life we had exactly a year ago :-

12 October 2011
Mia has enjoyed playing in the tunnel in the garden, and watching the farmer and his dog on the farm. She has loved nursery rhymes at group time too!

The third report in her book. The last one. My darling little girl. Who knew?

OP posts:
RowgtfcGOLD72 · 14/10/2012 17:55

Thinking of you . Mias star-what a lovely way to remember your twinkling girl x

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 14/10/2012 18:28

I have been feeling very close to Mia over these past few days, and relatively calm, enveloped in all the love and strength being sent to us by you all, the MN world, and our family and friends.

But feeling very wobbly now. I am so scared, as MrMia has rightly pointed out that there may be upsetting PM photos shown tomorrow. I also know that I will be angry at things I hear, and want to stand up and scream. And we are furious at the hospital, who sent through a new, unseen document at Friday 5pm...

However, we have had a quiet weekend. We walked down through the fields to Mia's Wood with my parents yesterday, and all the debris has been cleared now, and her tree is standing proudly above the golden grass. And after a nice lunch out, we took my parents to the Mia "cloud-kiss" tree which we planted with them in February. As we arrived, it started teeming down with rain, and then it hailed just as we reached the hilltop where her tree is planted, and I did think they were very dramatic ice kisses from our little girl! Its leaves are red-gold now. It is still the littlest tree on the side of the hill, which seems right for our little girl. The colourful ribbons around the protective fencing are as bright as ever. As bright as our love.

This inquest is indeed one thing we can do now for Mia, this fight for the truth, while the rest of our life moves on.

I want to tell the world how wonderful she is. I want her back. I can't stand the thought she is not physically with us. And never will be again.

That knowledge is too much to bear.

OP posts:
jmf294 · 14/10/2012 19:30

Darling Mia's mummy,
I wish like so many I could take this all away from you.
Of course it must be so frightening...
But you have survived the worst possible pain with your loss of Mia, you can do this tomorrow for Mia, for all of you.
I'm pretty sure no matter what official line the hospital take tomorrow the individual doctors must be deeply affected by it all- I know I would be if I were in their shoes....
I would be very surprised if there were any PM photos tomorrow- I hope not.
When it gets tough tomorrow close your ears and eyes to what is going on around you, see your beautiful Mia in your mind and feel your shawl of love, strength and support around you.
Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

flubba · 14/10/2012 19:51

Listen to jmf ~ as ever she has very wise words.

Your story still makes me cry every time. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult and painful it must be for you and your family to have to live it.

I will be thinking of you all tomorrow. I hope the day passes quickly for you, and without too much pain.

x

Molehillmountain · 14/10/2012 20:52

Will be thinking of you all tomorrow. Wish I could do more than think and send love.

janey68 · 14/10/2012 21:11

I wish that too, but rest assured Miasmummy that you have proclaimed to so many people how lovely your little girl is. There are so many of us who never met her in real life but have seen her photos, her smile, and read your words which paint such a vivid picture of Mia. Stay strong, keep telling us about Mia; she won't be forgotten.

GRW · 14/10/2012 22:22

I will be thinking of you tomorrow too, and hope you will get some answers that will help you even though it's hard to listen to some of the reports. Your love for Mia still shines through, and it will help you get through the inquest.

CJMommy · 14/10/2012 22:27

Thinking of you today, tomorrow and every day x

Asmywhimsytakesme · 14/10/2012 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saffronwblue · 14/10/2012 22:31

Dear Mias
I haven't posted on your threads before but have read them with tears and feel as if I have a strong sense of your gorgeous little daughter. You and MrMias are such brave and loving parents to her. I hope the anguish of the inquest is tempered by getting the information that you deserve. I will be thinking of you.

expatinscotland · 14/10/2012 22:32

Miasmum, we're behind you all the way! You'll never walk alone in this.

Tamdin · 15/10/2012 08:45

Thinking of all of you today. X

LadyGago · 15/10/2012 09:53

Thinking of you, your family and especially Mia this week. I hope the inquest gives you the answers you need, and some of the peace you deserve. You continue to be a wonderful Mam to your lovely daughter x

dubaipieeye · 15/10/2012 17:30

Hello Miasmummy. I wanted to come along and say that I am wishing you peace and strength this week. We are all with you and I know I will never, ever forget the life and story of Mia Alexandra, she has touched me very deeply. With love, light and prayer, D x

DeadQODy · 15/10/2012 18:14

You write so beautifully

Love to Mia, I've shed a tear for her today x

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 15/10/2012 22:07

All the love being sent our way today has been so appreciated.Thanks It was hard, but about what I expected... what I didn't expect was that I felt weirdly happy having a whole room of people concentrating on my beautiful daughter, talking about Mia, saying her name. (Not sure I could share this thought anywhere else.)

I could almost feel her sitting on my lap, and feel my hand tracing her soft little cheek as I stared at her lovely photo when it was becoming too fraught.

OP posts:
jmf294 · 15/10/2012 22:20

You have been in my thoughts and prayers all day and will be all week.

It sounds like Mia was very close to you today, her presence with you, safe in her Mummy's love.
Keep strong and feel the beauty, love and light that is Mia all around you.
Hope you can manage to sleep tonight
Xxxx

mumof2teenboys · 16/10/2012 08:20

All my love amd thoughts are with you and MrMia over the next few days. I am sending you strength over the air.

Michelle xxx

AuldAlliance · 16/10/2012 11:02

I have never posted here, but check in from time to time to see how you are doing. Your beautiful daughter (such lovely photos, her character shines through...) has touched so many people.
Good luck for the coming days; you have been so strong and will come out the other side of the inquest with that strength intact. I hope it brings some answers, whatever they may be.

TinkerBellaFlora · 16/10/2012 11:15

This is the first time I've posted although I've read and been moved by your thoughts about Mia Alexandra many times over the last year. Your vivid descriptions make me feel like I knew your beautiful daughter well and I will certainly never forget her.

I hope you continue to feel close to Mia this week x

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/10/2012 12:54

Thinking of you at this awful time and despite not knowing you at all, I always think of yourself and Mia when I'm with DD. Reminding me not to take a moment for granted, so thank you for sharing your story, it's an inspiration.

jmf294 · 16/10/2012 20:33

The most gorgeous little red- haired darling smiling out from the BBC newspage. Her smile always makes me smile and at the same time breaks my heart for you.
Oh how she shouldn't be on that news page!!!
Thinking of you- hope today was ok and you felt Mia's presence around you xxx

Asmywhimsytakesme · 16/10/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.