''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

Hello everyone, what a beautiful day. Mind you very windy here.

Whatever - I'm feeling for you today. Have minimal experience of anniversaries but found the first month hard enough. I hope that you are getting through it ok and peacefully x

Thank you ladies. Strangely I have found 3, 6 and 9 months to be the hardest ones. I think today was hard as I feel like she's now been gone for as long as she was 'here'. Spent some time tidying her grave today so pleased that is looking a bit better after the awful weather.

Orion that does sound very surreal. It's strange isn't it to hear 'your story' from another perspective

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Sunny weather weekend plans? I'm at my best friends hen do all weekend - i've organised it so hope it goes well! Ironically it was supposed to be this time last year but they postponed the wedding; I remember my friend saying - at least next year you'll be able to have a few drinks!

Whatever My friend, Nikos, lost his brother a few years ago. In Greece when someone has died they have a special Mass service for them at 3, 6, 9 and 12 months. I was there on holiday when it was the 3 month service and he asked if I would go. Even though the service was conducted totally in Greek and I was the only English person there I 'knew' what they were saying IYKWIM.

That sounds like a good way to celebrate a loved one Shabs. We are still so closed in about grief/bereavement in this country.

Nikos' family find it hard to talk to people outside the family about it. Even when they speak English well. In the church the men sit on one side and the women on the other. When I walked in with him it all went quiet and the word spread quickly around. His Mum turned around and saw me and hugged me....she speaks no English at all so our conversations were all with signs and names. After the service everybody came outside and we could hear his Mum screaming in the church and shouting his name BUT nobody went to comfort her at all. Their ways are different from ours but I found that really weird. xxx

Here in Ireland it's traditional to have a "months mind" but then nothing till the actual anniversary. We didn't have a months mind for Sylvie-Rose, tbh, I didn't want the same raucous crowd turning up again. Funerals tend to be a bit jolly here but I found it strange that people were as jolly for Sylvie-Rose as they would have been for an old relative that died. One of my cousin's wives was telling jokes and it just seemed wrong.

They have put up a headstone for the baby boy at the end of Sylvie-Rose's row in the cemetery. I'm glad because now I know his name. Before there wasn't a cross or anything to say anything about him. I know this is possibly odd of me but I tend to greet the other people buried there by name as I passed their graves and I didn't like just calling him "baby"

Ah I'll come out of the woodwork aswell. I've been on the 'odd' fence too. Nice to see the oldies. xxx

Hello all. Hope things are ok...

whatever I totally hear you on the import of the none month date for Erin. Your beautiful girl. It seems so impossible, doesn't it? Yet somehow, we integrate this terrible knowledge into ourselves, and that love will never diminish, but only grow stronger. xx

hello back to everyone, nice to have you here again.

It's just so bloody hard isn't it Mias. Tonight for the first time I feel really angry about it all, angry that it happened to us, angry that she's not here, angry that everyone else seems to get to keep their babies. I'm tired of it. I'm sick of everything being an effort. I'm really bloody angry!!

whatever big hugs to you, hope you found it useful to tidy her grave earlier. Sorry you've had an angry day - it's so tiring, but it's totally understandable, we shouldn't all be here. I've had a few angry days myself recently. Seems I can hold onto the anger easily more than the sadness.

Hi to all the faces I've not met here before. Not sure what happened but I hope you can all settle back into the thread and get the comfort you need.

I just can't get used to the empty feeling. I hate thinking of all the things I'm supposed to be doing now; the day to day stuff and the big things. It was a friends wedding today, and we were invited to the evening do. We were going to take our boy along and show him off. We didn't go in the end. I can't get all the 'firsts' out of my head. It's not so bad during the day, but at night it all goes round in my head and I don't know how I'll cope with this for the rest of my life.

Mrs Y Hello....I am so glad to say that I helped to start this thread off about 5 years ago. I lost 2 sons....delighted to say that I had 4 sons though. Lost one of my twin boys and then 10 years later my third son was killed. So I should have 30 year old twin boys, one ds coming up to being 28 years old and my fourth son almost 15...where, In real life I have a 30 year old firstborn and a almost 15 year old DS4....its beyond hard. So very difficult...but we all have to carry on...'ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND DONT FORGET TO BREATHE'

I remember counting the weeks from we lost fraser and then the months .. for me it lasted about 2 years and then it became years going by..at first time passes really slowly and then before you know it its been several years and you dont know how it happened ...our first little boy was stillborn 8 years ago.. where did the years go ..seriously how could he be 8??

I have had a really weird day ... hubby has not been very well for a few days and today we were worried and he went to the out of hours service who said a&e ..they considered admitting him but they gave hime anto-biotics via iv and sent him home with tablets.. I feel like I have been thru the mill

Poor you and poor dh, fm! I hope the AB's do the trick. And have some

Hope your dh feels better soon, fm, and you both get a good rest tonight.

Tentitively dipping my toe in here, hello everyone.

I lost my baby boy Dexter on May the 12th at 12 days old and I am struggiling to cope. He was born at 24 + 2 weeks so we knew he had a tough road ahead. However he had been fighting hard and doing so well until he picked up a lung infection that was just too much for him to cope with.

I hurt all the time and I don't know what to do.

mrs y..nights can be the worst.. I dont know if you like these kinda things

but I have used night time kalms.. they dont make you tired as such but they do switch your brain off.. making it easier to sleep.. they are herbal and non addictive..might be worth a go for a little while anyway

My little boy was stillborn in april 2004 and you wont feel like this for the rest of your life.. you never forget but one day you will be able to smile again and actually (Iknow you dont believe me) you will plan for and even look forward to the future.

until then come give us your hand we will try to help you take your first few steps on this terrible road
and as the cheeky beggar lovely shabs would say .. one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe

I'm just really struggling to find the joy and happiness at the moment. His life just seems to equal sadness and pain. I'm trusting that you're right, fm, it's one of the few things keeping me going.

Welcome to the thread, so sorry for your loss. Mechavivzilla, Dexter is such a lovely name. I hope you can get some comfort from knowing you're not walking this road alone.

Oh my Matts favourite girlfriend, at primary school, has a little boy called Dexter.....You are right FM - it wont feel like this forever I can promise all of you that. As time passes you kind of learn how to pin on the fake smile....I promise all of you that it does get better xxxxxxxxxx

Yes hello oldies and thank you for sharing with us newer people. You give me hope that one day I too will be in a peaceful place with little B.

Welcome mechavivzilla and I'm sorry you've found yourself here. I remember your thread about your little Dexter and your love for him shines through.

Six weeks today. Shared my story with an old friend last night, I find it cathartic to talk about him and the whole thing. However now I feel emotionally drained and want to shut myself off from the world again. I know it's all going to take time but I'm longing for the time that it becomes easier.

good morning all.

mrsy and firsttobed I know how you feel, I'm still in deep grief for my loss but after 5 months I don't feel like I did in the first few weeks. One of the things that gives me hope is reading blogs and books from people who are much further along than us. Lots of people do have joy in their lives again but it takes time and our children will never leave us.

The lovely teachers from Jude's school are running the Edinburgh marathon in his memory today. heave raised over two thousand pounds for the Sick Kids Hospital. it's so lovely when people remember our boy.x

Morning ladies xx

Hi to all the new Mums I am so sorry you need to be here but we all try to support eachother. Only a bereaved mother can fully understand.

My son died suddenly in April 2010. It was such a huge shock that I thought I would be in pieces for ever. But as the other Mums have said it does get easier little by little. Of course it will never go away and I miss him every minute, but I think I am gradually getting used to it. There are still bad days but not so many. Grief is totally exhausting so you must look after yourselves and take one day at a time. We spent a great day yesterday with our grandsons. I try to make the most of good days and enjoy them. It is ok to do this. You mustn't feel guilty if you have 'good days' none of this is your fault, you have been thrown into this. Hope this makes sense. Keep posting xxx

Morning girls xx

Makes total sense Lavandes.

Could I ask you all to think about a fellow Mumsnetter today? Estar always used to post on the multiple births thread. She has 5 children (including a set of twins) One of the twins died last week - he was 8. We are all devastated for her on the multiple births thread - I have met her in real life and she is a lovely lady. It is his funeral today I am going to light a candle for her and to honour her precious son. I wish I could do more and I also wish I could take away her pain, but, as we all know thats not possible. She has a great nickname for him....so fly high 'Scooby' you will be so sadly missed. Look out for my lads they will look after you. xxxxxx

Pease pass on my love to Estar Shabs. I will light a candle for her and her family in memory of Scooby. So very sad. I like to think that our Richard is keeping an eye on all the little ones. He was such a good dad. xx

Thinking about poor Estar and her Scooby. No one should have to go through this.

Oh, gosh, how sad. Thoughts and prayers with Estar, Scooby and all their family. xxx

lavandes, so nice to think that our lovely children are being watched over by your son. x