''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

Sorry, realise my brain and phone can't remember all recent posts..

mrs Y we have already submitted our own witness statements, but will probably also submit an independent expert report, which has some different conclusions to those previously sought.

chip I'm sure you have made Sylvie-Rose's grave look beautiful. O just wish you could be buying her new toys rather than ornaments instead...

Orion as per my last post, not sure it's been a quiet weekend, but all the activity wad enjoyable!

Tami and chip and chip, I bet Sylvie-Rose's garden is lovely. Sorry for not replying sooner, have been out of action for a couple of days.

Mia's I'm glad that Friday went ok, I was thinking of you.

MrsY well done to your dd.

Hope everyone is ok and here's to a week of beautiful weather to sit and remember our little ones.

Cemetery day went quite well apart from ds2 neediing the loo in the middle of the prayers! It's an odd kind of day. Now, I know this is probably a very Irish thing but most parishes in Ireland have a day when the graves are blessed. They hold a Mass in the cemetery itself. Everyone who has buried a loved one makes the grave look pretty and you stand by your loved one's grave while the prayers are taking place.

In my Mum's parish, where my Dad is buried, this is a day-long event, they have the prayers at noon, then a field day with amusements, sports and a barbecue/sandwiches. I had been expecting the same here but no, they hold it at 5.00pm and everyone just leaves afterwards.

Mias, hope you get your broadband back soon! At the moment I am on dh's old laptop as our second computer crashed a couple of weeks ago and dh is always using the first one. I so want the proper computer back!

Morning all! xx

Hello chip and everyone else. Had a very vivid dream this morning, I was on a boat journey and I was quite distressed as other people were looking after my little baby girl for me. I just remember worrying if we would get there safely... Fears about this pregnancy perhaps?!?

Possibly, Mias, totally understandable. I'm sure everything will be fine, pregnancy does weird things to dreams. I don't know any details of Mia' death, is it something that can re-occur?

We had our six week check up and it seemed to mostly be about how to avoid the same thing happening again is we were to have another. I know the circumstances are different, but all the medical staff will be so aware of what happened and do all they can for you.

Sound like you had a busy weekend - make sure you rest. I hate having broadband issues, fc BT sorts you out tomorrow.

Hey chip, I'm sure Sylvie-Rose's grave looks lovely and well cared for. Did you expect more of an event yesterday? We're looking at options for the gravestone etc. at the moment. May I ask you what you chose?

Having an ok day today, busy busy catching up on housework after a slovenly weekend!

We don't have a headstone for Sylvie-Rose as yet. Here it's traditional to wait a year, I think it used to be to let the ground "settle" but I spoke to a guy who does monuments and he said it can be done any time. What we will be getting, I think, is a white granite headstone carved into a teddy shape and with pink lettering and an engraved rose. I fear the white granite will be hard to source but I saw it on another MNers baby dd's headstone and it's what I really want.

Mias, just weird pregnancy dreams! And you are probably feeling that Mia is being looked after by other people, perhaps? And projecting that on to the new baby.

I dreamt that I was looking at a door with Sylvie-Rose's name on it. There was a note on the door that said
"Gone out. Back in three years" Strange!

Ah, that sounds lovely, chip. I think we're going with slate, but it's hard to know which stone will whether best. I've googled it loads!

I've seen one sweet one which was shaped like a pebble, but we need to leave enough space for our names to be added when necessary, because we got an adult plot.

We've been told to wait a couple of months, and the guy we want to use has a waiting list of a few months anyway, so we really need to make a decision soon.

Most headstones in our cemetery, or at least most of the new ones are granite. In th older part of the cemetery, there's a lot of marble but I don't think it's weathered as well.

Yes, I think the majority of new headstones are granite, but that has to be sandblasted rather then hand carved, so isn't suitable for what we would like. My taste is pretty classic, and I love the old stones. We're going for quite a simple and clean look, I find the granite and marble ones a bit too shiny and sparkly. I think it comes of growing up going to church where all the headstones were very traditional even the modern ones had to be portland stone or similar. I'd never seen any of the modern ones until we visited the cemetery Benedict is in for the first time.

Part of me is a bit worried that what we want isn't suitable for a baby, but it's what we want so I don't really care what other people think. Plus, MrY and I will have to be added in the future, and it'd be daft to have us as (hopefully) old fogeys on a teddy or something!

Morning all. Popping my head in, it's been a while but we still have decorators in at the moment and haven't been able to get to pcs. On my phone now so can't post properly. Third week they've been here. School run in a min but I'm hoping to get back on pc or netbook today so I can catch up properly. X

MrsY, Sylvie-Rose is in the centre of our double plot so we plan to put a small teddy in the centre and then a new stone to either side for me and dh when the time comes.

Oh, that's a lovely plan, chip. We're not allowed to buy plots in advance, otherwise that's what we would have done. I'm not overly keen on the idea of cremation, but that's what we'll have to do to be with him.

Hi Cheese! Hope the house isn't in too much chaos!

Hey everyone

Whats happening with the thread.. did Sassy's appearance scare more than just me away ???

We seem to be missing a lot of the "old regulars" I am thinking of people like shabba, travelling wilbury, ilike, woolyjo, lottie etc..

I know there are a lot more missing but didnt want it to be like I was taking a register..

Its just we seem to have lost all the people who have moved beyond the early stages of grief who could help those at the beginning of this sad sad journey and it s a real shame

I hope a lot of my friends havent been scared off by trolls

I notice even Tami has gone very quiet recently ...

Hi fm. I stopped posting after the deletion frenzy. Having bared some of my soul and written down what happened, having it and all the responses summarily deleted felt horrible.

Sadly, I do not trust Mnhq to look after the shop well enough.

fm, it is very quiet and I'm sure Sassy's appearance did scare most of the "oldies" off. I know people aren't obliged to post here but it does help if someone whose grief is less new and raw posts, it makes you realise that you can survive this. I really do believe that the vast majority of posters here are genuine and tbh the idea of anyone trolling here is horrible, total breach of trust.
Tami was having laptop problems but I thought she was getting it fixed. She hasn't been on FB much either and seemed very down the last time she posted there. I hope she's OK.

It has been quiet fm Shabs, tw and Caz haven't posted since I don't think. I've been posting a bit less as I feel a bit awkward talking about this pregnancy on here, don't want to be insensitive. How have you been fm?

Can't believe 25th May is fast approaching which will be 9 months. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything at the moment.

Please can someone stop me from looking up anomaly scan horror stories??
I don't know why I'm doing it but my scan is next week and I've decided to freak myself out!
I need to put something terrible on tv and stop.

Sorry I posted this in the wrong place. Feel free to recommend crap tv shows though, I need to steer clear of great ormond street on bbc2. I'm compelled to watch it every week and I'm in bits at the end.

I can't make you stop Orion but I can tell you to step away It won't help you (but you know that anyway) I was a nervous wreck before the anomaly scan, it's totally normal and understandable. About ten minutes in to it the sonographer said 'you can breathe you know'! A few things that helped me were -

• Making the sonographer aware as soon as we went in exactly why I was so anxious
• I asked her to look at the chest/diaphragm area first as that was my biggest area of concern. Perhaps you could ask them to do the heart first? Might make you feel easier about the rest of the scan?
• I asked tons of questions and got her to tell me very clearly several times that various things looked normal
• Arrive right near your appt time so you're hopefully not hanging round waiting too long
• Don't plan anything afterwards - I went straight to a work meeting but felt completely wrung out and exhausted after. I think the relief catches up with you
• Keep telling yourself that in most cases everything is fine - it's so easy to forget that when you've been on the wrong side of the statistics I know.

I totally understand my friend and will be here virtually holding your hand. What day is it next week? Don't whatever you do be as stupid as I was yesterday and think you will be okay to go on your own! Is dh able to go with you? Are you going to ask girl or boy? xx

Thanks whatever The scan is next Monday and dh is coming too. I have a day due to me at work so I'm taking the whole day off.
I have a cardiac scan two weeks later but I hope they'll look at the heart during the anomaly scan too.
going to try to find out the sex but not sure how I'll feel either way.

thanks whatever, good advice...

fm I hadn't really thought why people left the thread, but I guess your feeling is right. It makes me mad that both you and zeno felt betrayed and therefore couldn't post, especially if before that, you had found this a useful support. I know that I found the advice of others like you here incredibly helpful, as sometimes I really couldn't (and sometimes still can't) envisage a path forward in my life without my gorgeous Mia.

It is sad that there are so many newer faces here, but I hope that we can continue help you, and each other, in whatever way we can. That generosity of spirit is what makes this thread special.

Good afternoon.

I have been lurking for the last 5 weeks or so because I felt uneasy on the thread. I felt that something was 'very wrong.' BUT lurking and not posting is not doing my blood pressure any good at all. This thread was started over 5 years ago and I had posted every day since it was set up. Hope some of my fellow 'oldies' will return as well.

Glad you are back Shabs

Good afternoon ladies xx

Well done Shabs, may we all continue to give eachother help and strength whenever we can. xx