''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

I won't be able to get on here for a while, as having to use phone and its hard.

DH was looking over my shoulder, when I was on FB, and demanded to see my profile. When he saw that I didnt have marital status he got funny, I said it was because we recently had problems. I shut it, and he suddenly thumped it hard (bad enough to feel on leg). I knew it was bad as it made a pop. Sure enough the screen doesn't work

He wants me to apologise for being "single" on fb, as apparently I am a disgusting person, who gets off on making him angry.

Im sitting in bed, in tears, heartbroken, because not only do I have thousands of photos & videos of dd1 on there, I also have dozens of poems I wrote for Tamsin.

He is a computer engineer, so could fix it maybe, but I'd have to apologise, and I can't bring myself to, not after he broke it, maybe I' unreasonble.

Irony is he is outside on his laptop.

firsttobed - i am so sorry (((hugs))) i missed your post xx

Tami, don't ask him, bring it to a computer repair store. So with him for doing that to you!

firsttobed hello. You are a brave, lovely lady. I'm sure you would not have made that impossibly difficult decision lightly, and you did it with love. Please share whatever you like on this thread.

tami your H is trying to control you... yet again. Agree with chip, find a local repair person to retrieve all those precious stories and photos.

Mia I had a dream about your lovely Mia last night. I was back at my old primary school in Belgium and they decided they wanted to build a garden, so I said they had to do it in memory of Mia...

Hi First, I'm so sorry for your loss. My son Benedict was born asleep nearly four weeks ago, so we can travel this road together. What is your sons name?

Hi to everyone else, hope you had a good BHM. Just running out of the door to Ms music group, have a good day!

tami I agree DH sounds like he's controlling you, I would take it to a computer repair place, but I would also go to DH and say, I'm not apologising but I am sorry if something like maritial status on FB upsets you. Its not meant with any malice its a social network, everyone I speak to on there knows I'm with you, its not a dating network. But maybe you should apologise for breaking my laptop with force! And just leave him to mull it over.
Not sure if you would be able to or if he will let you say that, but it sounds like you need to lay it straight to him.

Ah blue that is just so generous of your dream self! I hope that your primary school also did something lovely to remember your beautiful Sterre. I do wonder about Mia and dreams, she is always popping into so many different ones. Such a busy girl - but I'd love her to visit me too sometimes.

Not sure if yesterday anyone saw a new children's programme about "cloud babies"? My friend told me about it. It seems that they fly high in the sky on colourful horses, and their job is to polish the moon, shine the sun and keep the rainbows painted brightly... I like that thought of our children spreading their love, giggles and warmth to keep the colour and light in our lives.

Oh tami how are things today? A few weeks back you were going to call WA for some advice/support - did you manage to? My dp works in IT - I wish you lived closer so he could fix it for you!

Firsttobed a warm but sad welcome here. Fwiw I think you made a very brave and selfless decision to ensure your ds didn't suffer. A true example of a mothers love xx

Aw Blue and Mias I love that dream

How are you feeling about DS1 and school now Chip?

All okay here - apparently Erin's stone should be ready any day now. Can't wait to see it but also dreading it.

Hope everyone is well. Waves Everlong Shabs Lavandes miss hearing from you xx

Thank you all for your welcome and kind words. I'm very touched.

How would you deal with this one? I imagine that this will get more common in time to come. I had an email from a friend yesterday which made me sad because she said "I expect you're still grieving." Well yes I am and I still have his funeral flowers up. Thing is, why should I expect her to understand? I'm glad that she's not had to go through this.

Would it sound strange if I said I'm not ready to share his name yet? We are getting a bench to remember him which will sit in a special sheltered sunny spot in the garden. My mil got the wrong end of the stick and thought it was for the crematorium for other people to sit on. I told her I didn't want to share him with anyone else as he was so small he was only mine. Sorry long winded way of saying something similar. But hopefully not offensively!

ooh first of course you are still grieving love, you never stop! :( I'm almost a year down the path and still grieving! ((hugs))

Of course, First, do whatever you need to help. x

first sorry I didn't welcome you, I'm not on this thread much but found myself drawn back to it after my second miscarriage after my daughter was stillborn just over a year ago. I don't think its weird at all that you don't want to share his name. I find myself very possesive over my daughter and really struggle when others have become emotionally attached to items I associate with her. I associate yellow tulips with her and my mum seams to have taken this over too. It grates me, though I should be thankful that she thinks about Ophelia.

*help yourself. x

Firsttobed I would very simply spell out 'I will be grieving for a long time, the loss of a child is not something you can 'get over'' People really struggle with what to say - we've had some spectacular examples of insensitive comments on here.

Everlong my friend Think I might have 'popped' in the last few days as I'm suddenly getting 'bump' comments. Scary and nice. Sometimes when strangers comment I even manage to reply like a 'normal' pregnant person and not a bundle of anxiousness! Feeling good and energetic at the moment though. How are you doing?

MrsY you will love and cherish your mn blanket. I adore mine and snuggle under it most nights. There's pics of dd1 cuddled under it on my profile (just to warn you though there are pics of Erin on there too)

Just had an email from Boots Parenting Club 'Your baby is now 8 months old and starting to explore finger foods'. I unsubscribed to all of these last year but in the last few weeks I've had boots, NCT and bounty all email me 'milestone updates'. It's just not on and it seems to be a common problem a few months after unsubscribing

WTW, your girls are both beautiful. In fact, looking at your photos of Erin prompted me to put a photo of Benedict on my profile, but in the end I chose one of him and his SANDS bear, as it's not such a personal picture.

I know what you mean about the emails. I got out of hospital to a load of them, as well as FB automatically posting something on my wall, because I had put my due date in at some point. :(

at santorini!

Oh ladies - we had a call today to say Erin's stone was ready and we could go and view it. When we got there it was HUGE I mean seriously big, wouldn't look out of place on an adults grave

I'm so sad and disappointed we've waited nearly 6 months for it and it's just not right. I had an image of a small delicate silvery blue stone, with lovely pale pink lettering and twinkling stars and butterflies. In reality it looks like a huge slab of dark granite, massive ostentatious lettering, the letters are a pinky orange colour (the butterflies are beautiful though!) It cost us £1200 and we were happy to pay that but we wanted it to be perfect for her. I don't want to spend the next 40 odd years wincing at the size of her headstone They are going to take it to the cemetery on Friday so we can see it with perspective but I know it's too big compared to all the other stones in the children's area. I can't stop crying about it - stupid I know. I feel like we should have been more careful choosing it, looking back I don't think we ever knew the exact dimensions so it's probably as much our fault. I so wanted to get her little plot sorted for summer

Sorry for long self indulgent post

Everlong also at Santorini. A well deserved break my friend x

Oh, Whatever! It is so bloody difficult, you have a lovely picture in your head and then it's not right when you see it. Do the memorial company know you're not happy? Will they rectify it for you?

Sadly not Everlong it's just child's plot. Its so much bigger than anything else there. They do know we think it's too big Chip but they just said it would look different once it's up there but it is honestly nearly as high and wide as an average adult size. Just totally over the top for a teeny baby. I could kick myself that we didn't go somewhere where you could actually see a sample of the actual stone size, if we'd seen it we would never in a million years have chosen it

Oh it's not being set Friday they are just taking it there so we can see what it would look like 'in situ' I don't mean to sound stamp my feet bratty about it at all, it's just it will be hers, the last real tangible thing we can do for her and it just has to be right otherwise I'll feel like i've let her down. Am probably being totally hormonal We've agreed if we still think it's too big we'll just have to order another one.