'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Just had a message on fb from an old school friend. Her db and his wife found out in Friday their baby had died in utero. She was 39 weeks pregnant and they have been trying for 10 years for this baby. It was their 3rd attempt at IVF. I don't know him but my heart is breaking at how they must feel tonight. She is too scared to go in for induction to deliver

Oh, whatever, how tragic! I think it's so cruel when people who have trouble ttc, then lose their precious baby. Not that it's OK if you conceive easily, obviously but nature just seems so unkind sometimes.

Went to the gym today for the first time in years. I was always too busy with the babies and I was supposed to be busy with Sylvie-Rose. It upsets me to have time on my hands now, when I should be tearing my hair out and running about with Sylvie-Rose in the car and in the pushchair, collecting the boys from school, bringing ds3 to Tae-Kwon-Do, doing homework while she screams for attention.... I should be a horrible mess with untidy hair running around after four boys and a baby. But I would so love to be that horrible mess.

I had to fill out a form for the gym instructor and mentioned my Caesarean hysterectomy on it. He read it and said "You had a baby in August" Cue me bursting into tears and telling him that I did but she died. And I had thought I was prepared for the question, it was bound to come up and I was going to answer in a calm, rational manner. And I think he thought he'd put his foot in it, which wasn't the case at all. I reallly don't like making people feel uncomfortable when it's patently not their fault!

Upside is, he gave me a great workout and I do feel a lot better physically.

That was my first thought too Chip. All that trying, waiting, hoping, excitement, getting to a week away and then this My friend messaged me about it to ask what she could do to help as she knew about Erin. I just said be there, let them talk/cry/scream, cook some meals, do some tidying, don't expect to have the right words but don't trot out platitudes but above all else keep being there and talking about their dc (they don't know the sex) not just in the coming weeks and months but always

Well done you getting back to the gym. That must have been hard to know what to say to the instructor. I've started swimming again. I find the monotony of pounding up and down the pool very soothing. And you can't see tears in the water

whatever that's awful news, I'm so sorry for your friend :( I was 37 weeks when we found out and I was also terrified to be induced. I put it off for days, so much that the hospital were getting worried about me getting an infection. It was hard but they did make it as easy as possible. I couldn't take the tablet they gave me to soften my cervix, just couldn't. They gave me gel and it was so difficult to let them as I knew that it was the start of it all then and with no going back, so to speak.

chip (hugs) it's all so unfair :( x

Oh those poor people. All that love and hope. And great advice, whatever.

Oh Cheese I totally understand that and think I would have felt the same. I do feel 'lucky' that mine was a emcs as there was no decision for me to make xx

Morning girls xx

That is so sad Whatever - so very sad. We tried for over 3 years before we got the twins. Month after month of waiting and nothing happening. I can only imagine what they are going through xxx

Hello everyone , I am sorry (again) that I am not around much and also so sorry for all the new mums who are here . You have found the right place but it is so sad that you have to .

How you doing Shabs ? and all ? xx

Hello ladies. I noticed some question earlier of what to write in Christmas cards. I was wondering that too. I have decided to use a snowflake to represent Jacob, so I have bought a wooden stamp and some blue ink today. I will just stamp that next to our names on whatever cards/letters I send from now on.
Whatever, that is so sad. I also had an emcs and it does take away any awful decision making.

Evening. I'm wondering what do write in Christmas cards too, I think I may put Scarlett's name and be done with it. The cards we're using were designed by the dcs in school so they're very lovely, even if I do say so myself! :o Hope everyone's ok.

Tallulahpolly that's a lovely idea. I might do something similar.

tallulah I'm going to go to hobbycraft on Wednesday to look for an angel or wing stamp for Belle and pink ink. I think I've decided that is the way that will be least uncomfortable for others but still shows our unity as a family and including her 'name'

its either that or I'm not doing Christmas cards again...

why do we still always think of the feelings of others?

going to buy the tree and bits to decorate her garden for christmas too this week.

new name to include both my babies

Caz, if you have five more children, your name will be v. complicated!
There is an Irish band called Bell X 1. I always think of you if they are mentioned on the radio!

Tallulahpolly that's a lovely idea. I might borrow it if you don't mind Think I will try and find an angel or butterfly stamp. I expect cards will come just written to the 3 of us. Will be hard knowing there should be 4 names on there this year.

I have a star paper perforator, so I might just cut out stars in all the cards :)

Oh ladies i have just heard the most awful, awful news.

My best friend rang me earlier in absolute bits. Her close friends son commited suicide this evening. He hung himself. He was twelve. His eight year old brother found him.

I just can't begin to imagine what he must have been going through... and now his poor family. There really are no words.

oooh dee how awful! giving me the shivers... much strength for your friends family!

OMG Dee - what an awful waste.....poor lad. I know I dont know any of the people concerned but, if you get chance, please hug them from me xxxx

Sadly i don't know them either, Shabbs, only what my friend has said, but she's closer to you then me - in Burnley.

Oh Dee that's so awful. How horrendously sad that a 12 year old boy felt he had no other choice than to end his own life. That poor family I can't imagine how his wee brother must feel

Oh, good God! How dreadful. What in the world was going through the poor lad's head? Will light a candle for him later. So sorry to hear that, Dee.

Burnley is very close to me Dee. Children of that age have so much pressures on them. High school can be a very difficult place. I know that my Tom has struggled for a long time - trying to be accepted, wanting a girlfriend, wanting to be in with the 'in crowd.' He has now, after years of me drumming it into him, realised that he is different....different in good ways...he is clever, compassionate, kind - he is a good singer, a great student, a lover not a fighter. It doesn't stop me worrying about him all the time. We live in a cruel world. xx

Oh that poor boy, that poor family. His poor little brother. How unbelievably tragic. The world really doesn't make sense, I already know that ... I don't understand. I don't think I want to.

Oh my that's so awful, can't imagine what the family are going through. That poor boy :( So, so young :(