'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Hi all, I wandered past the bike sheds earlier, but figured I was late (always am)...

Shabba, sending you lots of hugs and strength today. Hope you are doing something nice for yourself today.

Chip, you will have more memories than you probably realise, once you start. Choosing her name, thinking about her during your pregnancy, your excitement about being pregnant, your hopes and dreams for Sylvie-Rose... These are all part of your beautiful girl.

My horoscope in todays Daily Mirror (and I only believe them if they are good!!!) says the following...

When you feel as if it's all too much, remind yourself the test is to see who can keep going when others fall by the wayside. Your tenacity is what will see you at the top of the mountain, while others are sliding back down.

to be honest I'm pissed off with the 'top of the mountain' and my tenacity has dissapeared. Thanks for your messages of support. I appreciate them xxx

I am over 'character building' tests too. A friend of mine, a really strong, brave, generous woman who gone through a death of her fiancé and 3 bouts of cancer, once said that life only throws at you what it thinks you can deal with. But we now both agree that this is complete tosh... It all hurts too much.

Kindness...
Of friends, allowing us to talk and laugh about Mia last night.
Of strangers, the rose grower who has named a beautiful new rose 'Mia' when My sister's MIL was seeking one to remember our little red headed girl.

Mia - the rose sounds wonderful and how great you got to speak about your precious little lady. That is true kindness xx

Good evening ladies. I thought I would check in as am back from a very bittersweet holiday in Egypt.

Nearly two months since Charlie died and I am very low tonight. I miss him ever so much, but sometimes I feel as though I can't remember how he sounded, how he smelled, how he looked. It feels as though it's all slipping away somehow and I'm angry with myself for trying to move on because it makes me forget him. I want to live in stasis, just remembering him constantly.

Probably not very normal.

Mia - I just wanted to say that the way you are feeling and what you have illustrated is normal - it feels as though you aren't functioning, but it goes away, it really does. I am so so sorry for your loss. She sounded wonderful.

I hope everyone else is well. Lots of love. xx

Sorry just to add - I don't mean that the grief goes away or the strength of feeling that you have for your daughter, but the confusion and lack of clarity at the moment will pass.

....and for me it is shooting stars. Five of them seen on holiday, and a robin in the garden the day after we came back. Thank you for sending me your little marks of love my darling.

So sorry to hear that your friend died shabs so young :(

whatever can we have a fuck off 2010 while we're at it? :) I shall join you with the in a couple of months hopefully, just the one.

chip I know what you mean, I hate 2010 because that's when Scarlett died but I also like it because I had her then as well and the only memories that we have of her.

I hope you have a lovely time lavandes, Christmas will be happy for you this year I hope :)

aziraphale (hugs) x

I've been so anxious today and worried, I'm barely holding it together.

Thanks aziraphale for your words of reassurance, and I am so sorry about your Charlie. I am finding it hard to separate grief and love, as they are so intertwined when I think of Mia.

Very sad afternoon - I am sitting here trying to write down all the names of people who have been in contact, so we can figure out how many remembrance cards we need to do, while my DH is writing up his notes of that terrible night in the hospital, and putting together a timeline for the the coroner, to be submitted for Mia's inquest. Very scared about facing that. I still can't face reading the pathology results or the hospital notes yet either.

As the days get shorter the weather gets more miserable and the twinkly lights go up for xmas grief gets harder to bear
I dont know why .. I am guessing cos we all feel pretty low anyway

New year is very strange since losing fraser.. Because I lost our little boy before he was born I dont have the happy memories that some of you have and therefore it was easier for us to say roll on the new year that first year

but each year that passes now its like another year that the world has moved forward .. and i really dont want to move forward another year.

Ross knows we will be going to wish his big brother merry xmas on xmas day ... sometimes I feel guilty about that but I feel I cant not do it

I bought a little nativity scene thing today to put on her grave. I am also going to buy a little robin figure, and put a Christmas tree in a pot and put solar lights on it.

Oh we all sound really low at the moment. Do you think it's the build up to Christmas highlighting our losses?

That's a lovely idea about the nativity Chip. We are going to put a miniature tree up there the same day we put our home one up. Saw some lovely ones in Marks and Spencer. Have been picking up mini decorations as and when I've seen them. Have bought 2 of some so that our house tree can have the same as Erin's tree.

FM - it's hard balancing the needs of our earth children with our angel ones isn't it. We shall also be going to Erin's grave on Christmas day. I think we will wrap up a windspinner and let Katie unwrap it there.

Cheese - I often think of you and how your pregnancy is going. It's a strange feeling to so desperately want the pregnancy of a person you have never met go swiftly and smoothly. What is your due date again? Will definitely have a and give 2010 a retrospective butt kick for you.

Erin's memory box we ordered arrived today and it's perfect. We searched quite hard to find one big enough for everything. It's a lovely rosewood box with a hand crafted mosaic pattern on the lid that spells out Erin and then has a beautiful mosaic pattern in pinks, lilacs and greens.

Hugs to everyone xx

We're putting some Christmassy things on Scarlett's grave too. This year we plan to do the tree and decorations on what would be her birthday (6th), hoping to help it be a nice day with happy memories.

FM this year I'll see Scarlett at Christmas, I couldn't go last year at all, I just couldn't do it.

Cross posts whatever I think it could be Christmas coming that's making us all down, it's a hard time of the year isn't it? A time for families being together and this just makes it all the harder for us as we all have people missing from ours :( I'm due on Match 17th but 37 weeks is the most I'll go, maybe a week before but I'm hoping at least a day before as 37 weeks exactly was when we lost Scarlett. Thank you for thinking of me :) Erin's memory box sounds lovely, really pretty xx

Whatever where did you get the memory box? I got a beautiful one from girls on MN but it's already full so think I will need another!

From here Chip Click on personalised boxes for the ones with names. You can request what colour mosaic tiles you would like used. It's really beautiful, very tactile and a perfect size.

oh waw wtw they are absolutely lovely! we have a cardboard one with starprint, which does us for now, but I would like a personalised one as well.

Wtw they are lovely, though it gave me a shock when I clicked on it and the name was Jacob , we have a cardboard keepsake box my mum bought (she had bought ds3 one when he was born as well) until we feel able to look properly for one x

Morning girls xx

Morning shabs

Morning girls!

Morning all! Sunny here today, might try to take advantage of it with a nice autumn walk and think of Mia.

Hi ladies xx

Sorry Shabs I have been away to SIL pre Christmas weekend for us. I wasn't as bad as I thought as our niece was there with her 2 year old so we had some fun with him. They still don't 'get it' though and I fear they never will.

Mu school knickers were bottle green - very sexy!!

Of course I will bring you a boomerang I will get in tough when I return to get your details. I won't throw it to you as it may come back!!!

Sorry should have said 'in touch' x

Thank you Lavendes xxx