'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Welcome August!

Mias, she can hear you, even if you only think her name.

Hello august. Sorry you lost your Jacob too.

Tomorrow is a month since Jacob's funeral, I can't believe it's that long already. Where does the time go? I have a little bear with his name on to hang onto our christmas tree. we also light a candle that is next to his picture every night, so I will get a special one for christmas.

My sister bought Jacob a glass christmas bauble with his name on it, I think I'll get another one for the tree

My 8 year old just asked if I'm ok, he says I've got sad eyes, we try not to show it but obviously he notices. Jacob was due on his birthday x

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Just before last Christmas I was at the supermarket checkout and had a panic attack, heart pounding, couldn't catch my breath. I had to leave the shopping on the belt and go home. It is normal Caz it does just come from nowhere and hit you. xx

We are going to SIL (the one who told me I should be moving on after 6 months) for a pre Christmas 'whatever' because we will be away for Christmas. I will need to be careful not to drink too much wine or heaven forbid I may start talking about Richard and make them uncomfortable and spoil the evening. I don't know why they think we need a Christmassy weekend we are all adults, they behave like nothing has happened. But we will go along with it even if it is all bullshit stupid. xx

Welcome to the new friends, I am so sorry you find yourselves here, it is heartbreaking but we will try to support you, just keep talking and there will always be someone to listen. I don't know how I would have coped without all my dear friends here. xx

morning girlsxx

I've missed you!!! Hope you have brought a note explaining where you have been Seriously - good to see you Hazy xxxx

Over the summer months the girls thought that any white butterfly was Megan, if we went anywhere and seen one they said that Megan came too. I bought a lovely white butterfly for the tree. I miss seeing a white butterfly.

Butterflies are supposed to be your loved ones communicating with you, sad10. One of my Mum's friend's lost her husband some years ago. The day after they buried him, my Mum's friend and her daughter were sitting in their kitchen. A butterfly flew in, fluttered around the kitchen and then landed on my Mum's friend, then fluttered on and rested on her daughter's hand and then flew on out of the kitchen. I think if you ask for signs, you will get them.

Sigh. Thread runing in chat about the termination of a sick twin.

Why do i let myself become involved?

Have just posted in that, too, Dee. That poor, poor couple and then their story is all over the news!

Evening all!

Went to first bereavement counselling today. Took this away from it:

It's okay not to feel okay. Don't expect too much of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

xx

hi letter givenxx iv lost my dog last week and the house is so empty without him,but at least hes keeping jayden company,well next week its five years since jayden left us, the world kept on going,god why ,,,,,,,,,

Cannot go and read that thread.

Too many sad anniversaries for everyone. But made it through today somehow. Guess that must count for something. Feel so heavy inside.

Love the thought of white butterflies. My father saw a little bird inside at church last week, and thought it might be Mia. We aren't especially religious, and it wasn't even in this country, but maybe geographic and spiritual boundaries don't matter. Have many others here received such signs?

Evening all. Halfway through reading that thread now, so sad :( Dragonflies have been significant for me with Scarlett, we had one fly around us at the cemetery when we visited her, I told the brief story before here but they bring us both comfort.

It's been a difficult time lately, a week tomorrow until the year anniversary of Scarlett's death and then 4 days after that was her birth. I cannot believe it has nearly been a year, how can it have been a whole year?

We're going to light a candle in a church for her on the 2nd and visit her, I think we'll let a lantern off for her too. On her birthday we're going to visit her again and take some special flowers along with single white roses, we put some on her coffin on the day of her funeral :( I'm going to bake a cake if I can too. We're going to visit her with the children after school and then go and choose a Christmas tree and come home to decorate it, trying to make a happy memory for Scarlett on her birthday. We have a lovely bauble to put on it for her too with her name on and a poem. I usually put up decorations on the 1st Dec but I think our new tradition will be the 6th.

Had a scare with this baby too, I thought my waters were leaking as I woke in the middle of the night in a wet patch in the bed. I was checked over and all seemed fine but they couldn't see my cervix. I had a scan and fluid levels were good too and baby a good size so they were happy for me to go home and just watch and take things easy. I've had no more leaking so fingers crossed it wasn't my waters! I have another scan in 2 weeks and clinic on Friday. I've also arranged to go in weekly to be checked over which is reassuring, they offered me this and anything I want basically. They're so lovely.

Thinking about Scarlett a lot lately and missing her incredibly. Having issues and stress with dcs "father", using that term loosely...trying to deal with things without getting worked up and stressed though.

Been thinking of you all even though I've not posted. So sorry to see more new people joining us :(

I thought this Christmas would be easier but I'm not so sure now. Last Christmas was a blur and I was still so numb, this one feels so real and it just brings home how much of a gap we have now in our hearts and our home :(

OMG, Cheese, you poor thing! That must have been so scary! Glad all is ok.

Signs here: robins in the graveyard the day we buried her. I think robins are supposed to be significant.
Radio switching itself on, ds1's clock radio turning itself off, toys spontaneously making noise wit nobody around to work them.

Also the other day, out of my car window, I thought I saw one of those fluffy seeds that float around. I glanced at it and then could have sworn I saw two tiny wings around it flapping and it looked sort of transparent. I was driving so couldn't stop to look at it.

Mine are ladybirds, I saw them everywhere, and a fox came right into the garden on the morning of jacob's funeral. Sometimes though, there's something about the light and the mist recently that makes it feel like he's everywhere. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

You're the morning sunlight reflected in each door and window pane
You're the whispering and the sighing of my tyres in the rain
You're the hidden cost
and the thing that's lost
In everything I do
And I'll never stop looking for you

That's beautiful, AugustMoon!

Hi cheese read your post on the other thread, hope you're ok. ((hugs))
Hi chip, moonin, tallulah, and everyone else. Sorry, still learning everyone's names

Reading through this thread has brought so many memories home for me.

Remembering my 3 lovely boys always-Conor,Dominic and Pearse. You will always be in my heart.

Your experiences give me hope. I shall cling to them. Despite my lovely dream yesterday, I can't feel Mia at all today, and feel so, so sad.

Shortly after Sylvie-Rose died, ds3's teacher lost his mother. He told me that at the funeral one of his aunts had told him that the dead send us feathers to let us know they're there. He pooh-poohed the idea but when he went home to his own house some 100 miles away, there were two feathers lying on his couch!

MiasMum, I think as human, we are not designed to be psychic so won't always feel our children around but they certainly know where we are and they always know their Mummies.

I just realised that I said we had white roses on Scarlett's coffin and we didn't, they were red, I keep misremembering and I feel so guilty :( Just been looking at photos of her and I feel so sad, she was perfect and beautiful and she should be with us now. I want to hold her so much, I want to hold her little hands. I wish I could go back and hold her, I couldn't hold her when she was born, I just couldn't do it but how I wish I had now. So guilty and sad about that. I nearly did too, the midwife was holding her as we had her blessed and I almost reached out and touched her hand but I didn't :( Why didn't I?

You were in shock, Cheese. And most likely a bit afraid. And when everything seems like a bad dream, you don't register details like colours of flowers because you kind of think you are going to wake up and find none of it happened and you won't need to remember.