'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Jealousy... Yes. Bewilderment too, seeing happy parents with babies in strollers, unaware how easily life can change.

I am feeling really horrible in that we have friends with a DD, who had a very scary life threatening cancer in her bowel. We all worried about her, but she has survived. Yet while I adore them all, I do have resentment that their DD was sick, yet it was my Mia who died. I certainly wouldn't wish this on anyone, but not really sure I want to see them, but at the same time, worry that if I don't, I may risk our friendship. It was especially hard when the little girl rang up to ask me what happened to Mia, and her mother trusted me to be able to reassure her and give her the answers she needed.

Mias I have had similar in that Sylvie-Rose was born at 28 weeks and was in the NICU.
BUT she was the "healthy one" in the NICU and the doctors said she was a legend and a trouper. She never had any trouble breathing, fed well, gained lots of weight and we were finally able to bring her home. I got to know a lot of other parents in the NICU and there were many babies who had chronic lung disease, setbacks with feeding, needed laser eye treatment etc. Yet all those babies are still alive and Sylvie-Rose has died. And God, I wouldn't wish in a million years that one of them should have died instead but it is bewildering when the one who was well and healthy is the one who dies. It seems wrong.

Whatever it is normal to feel jealousy of people with healthy babies. I have to say, I was inspired by Bluetinkerbell who continued to post on our thread after she lost Sterre and was a wonderful support to others.

chip-Jacob was the biggest baby in NICU when we were there. 7lb 1oz. There was a 1lb 2oz baby in the next cot. She was doing well and my poor healthy looking chubby bundle was so damaged inside. It made me feel awful to think it wasn't fair.
I have been inspired by you and blue and although I couldn't bring myself to post, I kept an eye out for you on your threads to see how you were.
(I am not a stalker, honest!)

thanks ladies

You are all doing inspiring, brave things in my eyes.

Just had a major wobble. Had to call Child Benefit today. Couldn't get the words out. Fortunately, the lady at the other end was lovely, and asked if there was someone else with me to provide her with the info needed. So my poor mother did it for me. We both sat and watched videos of Mia for a while afterwards...

Hi Chipmonkey thanks for your posts on the other thread. I don't post much but lurk and have namechanged.
I didn't think straight before I posted on the other thread. Could only see my baby dying in my arms and that I'd give anything to have her back. She was a much longed for DD. I have 2 other DD's and have had 7 mc's since DD2 so we thought we had been given all our dreams.

Hey, sad! Glad you found our thread. Wasn't sure if you were a namechanger and that maybe we had "met" before. So sorry about your little girl. And after all those MC's too.

Gah ladies - I couldn't help it. I had to post on the 'other' thread. Truly vile some of it. I tried to take my bereaved mummy hat off and read the posts to see if it made a difference....nope, still vile!

You both posted very eloquently and with dignity. Think there are some posters who should be very ashamed of themselves.

Sad10 so sorry to hear about your dd. If nothing else good comes out of that thread I'm glad you found us through it.

Oooh my blood is boiling!!

whatever which thread my love? Please link it - I like a good argument!!!

Link here Shabs

Hope that works as I'm on my phone. It started off in aibu!! Err yes you are!

Hi all. My little girl Megan was born at 34 weeks by EMCS, she weighted 5lb 2oz. She seemed fine for the first 48 hours in the NICU but then found out that she had a heart problem. She had to be transfered to a different hospital a 2 hr journey away. I'd had an EMCS due to placental abruption, so the whole birth was a tramatic experiance. Over the next 4 weeks our lives were one of us at the hospital the other at home with the girls. I could never begin to repay all the help that family, friends and neighbours gave us. Megan had 3 general anesthetics in her short life, 2 to put in central lines for her medicines and one for a balloon angioplasty. Everything was looking good but she developed necrotizing enterocolitis and within hours had died. It was just so sudden. That was in February I don't know where the year has gone, its a blur. I'm functioning and on the outside no one would know but inside its a black hole, I don't know if I'm coming or going. Have read the first few pages of this thread and will read on. But as i've seen written people forget and move on but I'm still in February.

So sad to hear your news about your precious little girl. One of my twins was born with severe heart problems and we lost him at 7 months of age. I know that feeling of panic when you are told. It sounds like a nightmare my friend.

Glad you came to find us but only sorry you had to.....and, yes, its normal to be stuck in time - very normal xxx

Have posted on the link - can I just say be careful on that thread? The OP posts very much like another person who used to be on here who was not altogether truthful and caused a lot of sadness. May be better to hide it, although I know its difficult to not keep going back to nosey.

Yes it will love. Had to put something but now will lurk and read...unless, of course, I get insulted

I did think the op's posts didn't quite ring true but some of the other regular posters on there expressing opinions such as 'you have no right to be on this thread' made me so mad I just had to say something! And breathe To be honest it's been quite refreshing to get fired up about something.

Went to K's first parents evening tonight. She is doing fantastically well bless her. So proud given all that was going on as she started. This comment had me welling up and is what I am most proud of ' Katie shows a maturity and empathy beyond her years. She is an extremely kind and caring child who always makes sure that everybody is included' Very very proud mummy emoticon

I love hearing comments like that about a child.....well done K...well done xxx

You were right to post Whatever - I sometimes get a bit synical on MN. Have been on here about 5 years now (I think) but just every now and then I question some of the posters. It is good to have a rant every now and then as well

I havent read that whole thread and tbh I havent got the energy tonight ..

But why is that every time we spill over from here to other parts of the board mn towers moves the thread from highly noticeable parts of the board to somewhere quieter .. its like we need to be hidden away in bereavement or other topics

drives me nuts

urgh, what a vile thread. I've been sat here speechless for a lot of it. the words be careful what you wish for have never been so apt. well done brave ladies for posting over there.

I'm so sad to see new faces here again tonight... and too many november ladies have reached this thread :( my heart hurts for you all, to have shared a thread with you ladies over here and there. I'm so sorry my joy this time is your pain, I wish all our babies were here now.

17 months ago my first baby, Anabelle was born sleeping. I sometimes can barely comprehend how on earth I've survived so long, how earth its already been so long.

Aw well done, K and her proud Mummy. It's all in the upbringing, you know!

sad how very unlucky for poor Megan to develop necrotising enterocolitis especially as she was not so terribly prem. I do remember that being the thing the docs in NICU dreaded as there seemed to be very little they could do for it. We have not got Sylvie-Rose's PM results yet but I did wonder about it as her tummy was distended.

Ladies, I know that I was ill-advised to post on that awful thread but it was lovely of you all to post too. Knights in shining armour!

I just have to share this I saw on another thread Jesus Christ in Richmond Park If the link doesn't work as I'm on my phone search YouTube for Jesus Christ in Richmond Park.

Think we all deserve a laugh...and that is hilarious!

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone x

good morning everyone! we have a moving date! Yay 10th of December!
Looking forward to that.
Hopefully some more good news today. DH is doing his final test at 10 am to become an approved driving instructor. It's his 2nd attempt, please pray he will pass today. :)

Good news from me too. Mia came to me in my dreams last night for the first time. She was smiley and happy, and I held her in my arms. When I woke this morning, I felt happy, even though I knew she wasn't here. It was so good to see her again. It all might sound weird, but it helps me.