'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

cheese

I did go in the night before and told them I had lack of movement and they did do a trace and said it was fine. They said kinda same thing to me too.. if they had done the trace at a diofferent time it may have showed a slowing heartbeat and they would have intervened

problem with heartbeat traces is that they are only accurate at the time.. its like taking a pulse ...

so many what ifs.. its all very raw for you right now and you have another pregnancy to cop with on top. Living with the what if does get easier .. in the meantime dont bear yourself up - you did the best you can for scarlett

try not to get too hung on up on your doppler ... remember babies this small hide. I wanted one for my second pregnancy and my midwfie said.. if you cant find a hearbeat.. either baby is hiding and you will stress yourself and baby for no reason .. or the worst has happened and having your doppler wont have helped. I thought it was really callous but looking back she was right .By all means use it for re-assurance and pleasire of baby's heartbeat but dont stress yourself with it

hope ti goes well today

Hope everything went okay today Cheese xx

Afternoon. My scan went well today! :o So pleased, size looked ok too. No problems showing up so far, really relieved about that. :) Off to pick up the kids from school, will catch up later :)

Yay, Cheese!

Just had one of those moments when I clicked on a thread when I shouldn't have. Just clicked on a thread in chat about what it's like having a snuggly newborn at Christmas. And I knew before I did it that I shouldn't!

Oh chip :( (hugs) I had to hide so many threads last year, we should have had a lovely newborn then too :( I can't imagine how you feel but I know that I felt such pain and sadness. I'm trying to make this christmas a nice one for us and the kids after last year. I really hope yours is what you can manage. Last year I planned dinner etc but couldn't move off the sofa in the end :( We got through, dh and my mum cooked and it was an ok time. xxx

fm definitely so many what ifs, so so many. I had a growth scan only days before she died too and everything was fine. It's just unthinkable and unbelievable. Thanks re doppler advice, definitely trying not to rely on it too much but at times when she's been quiet I have been trying just for sanity, sometimes even when she's kicking...

Consultant was lovely though and they'll do whatever I need to in the run up, even scan me weekly if I need it she said. I feel relieved knowing what will happen too and that I have the choices there. She'd prefer induction but depends how sugar is etc but she said they'd like 37 weeks but know that Scarlett died then so depending on what happens we could go earlier. It's a relief to know and I feel a lot happier now.

Me too Chip - some of the thread titles are stealthy stealthy newborn boastery should be banned I want to go and wail all over the thread 'I should have had a lovely snuggly newborn this year tooooooo'

Cheese great news on the scan Glad you've got an induction plan too. Is it starting to seem real now?

Went to Babies R Us today to buy an outfit for my friends dd that I am visiting on Friday. Was in and out in under 2 minutes, grabbed the first small, vaguely pink outfit I saw and didn't burst in to tears. Small victories

Morning girls xx

Whatever I managed to go into a craft shop and pick up pink baby bits to make a card for SIL's new dd and I didn't cry in the shop.
Also met a patient in the butcher's who asked me about the baby and I had to tell her she'd died. And managed not to cry then either.
So I am feeling quite proud of myself today!

morning all!

I managed talking to someone I met through work yesterday and telling about Sterre without crying! I felt very proud and it was nice to talk to someone and she was listening and caring.

((hugs)) for us all!

Thank you Everlong. Small victories

I wasnt strong at all today...I was not just weak but I was a mean spirited bitch today

my team leader arrived in work today with her 9 week old baby...

Now normally I am the one saying oh give me a cuddle but today I was thinking.. how does a cow like that manage to have 3 healthy kids in less than 5 years... its not fair.

I dont get on with my team leader but this was still really mean of me.. of course I made the appropriate cooing noises .. but I was angry and jealous and yes later on I had a cry....

I really dont know what came over me .. it just goes to show.. grief catches up with you when you least expect it

Morning girls xx

frasers, it's all normal! You are bound to feel like that. What I find particularly hard is that show "toddlers and tiaras" and the mother who put fake boobs on her five-year-old to make her look like Dolly Parton! I always think women like that ruin their daughters and spoil their childhoods and yet they get to have their daughters and my little girl died.

But you have acknowledged your feelings, had your little cry and been able to move on.

A Mum at school is going in to the hospital today to have her fifth child by CS. We both had four boys and we were originally both due in November, we were both going to have our tubes tied. She almost was me! I am kind of dreading seeing her with her baby but am bracing myself to say congratulations and coo over the baby.

Morning girls xx

I know that last post makes me sound awful. Can I just stress that those thoughts about the pageant mothers are fleeting and then I change the channel and tell myself off! even though I think they need their heads examined.

For some reason I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday evening and couldn't stop crying. And then felt exhausted this morning. So much for inner strength!

Hi ladies, I'm just checking in to say hello as I've not had chance to catch up as my days and nights are pretty busy with Ruairi! I will catch up with the thread properly but I noticed there are a few new ladies on here, I'm so sorry they have had to find themselves on here but I know they will get the support they need from the brilliant ladies on here.

I took Ruairi to the cemetary to see Malachy last week, it was so hard. I also looked at Malachy's memory box for the first time in a long time, I couldn't believe how similar their scan photos are. As many of you know, I never saw Malachy (something I still regret) but DH said that Ruairi looks a lot like him. I like that, it makes me feel happy and that there is a closeness between them. We're also going to a SANDS rememberence service tomorrow.

Anyway, I'll try to post more often! Love to you all x

Cheese glad to hear your scan went well, take everything they offer you. When I was pregnant with Ruairi I was obsessed with his movement and the regular scans really helped me x

Well I went and saw my friend and had some lovely cuddles with her dd. I burst in to tears when I saw her but only briefly. I was so scared of how it would feel but actually it was okay. Nice even. I think maybe because she is 44 and this is her miracle baby after 20yrs of trying, failed ivf and 3 miscarriages I couldn't feel anything but happy for her that she finally had her precious baby. Feeling quite weepy and conflicted now though that Erin isn't the last baby that I've held

Chip I thought that about the pageanty mums even before I'd lost Erin so I think you're perfectly normal to!

Lewis just burst into our house dressed as Superman!! He has just been to the hospital to check on the heart murmer that two doctors have detected. Wonderful news....he has a naturally accuring innocent heart murmer. Because of our family history with Gareth they may send him for a heart echo test...BUT they have discharged him from our local hospital. So relieved I could have burst into tears in front of him....until he told me he had been to nursery as Superman AND been to the hospital in his outfit

Shabba, that is wonderful news! LOL at him going around all day in his superman outfit, my ds4 would do that too!