'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

blue - if you are ttc and not sure when you ovulate, I can't recommend this book highly enough here
Ignore the odd feminist rant that she does, the content is brilliant and I feel we should all read this book in our teens. It will tell you so much about your body. I don't have to take my temperature each morning to know when I am ovulating/fertile. HTH x

I do think it's difficult. Dh and I are both now very aware that things can and do go wrong. And that having one thing go badly wrong does not immunise you against something else going wrong. For us, the hysterectomy means that we can't have another dc but we are now a bit paranoid about the boys.

Does anyone else try to rationalise why this could possibly have happened and come up with a good reason? I really wondered why in the world God would take my baby. So I figured that Sylvie-Rose had had many past lives and because of her feistiness ( she really was feisty!) she got in so much trouble in her lives that she never got to a higher level in the Spirit World. So God decided that in this life she could only be a baby because babies never get in trouble and so it gave her the opportunity to be a pure soul and of course she graduated to a higher level.

Or is this a sign that my sanity is at risk?

Morning girls xx

Morning, shabba!

watching the Remembrance Sunday parade on tv. So very, very sad. The elderly soldiers who are just saying that they remember their friends who died...but they remember them at the age they were....and the Dad whose young son lost his life a few months ago. So very, very touching and I keep wanting to turn it off but it feels so disrespectful to do it. This is a strange world we live in....my BIL's experiences in Northern Ireland changed him from a happy go lucky teenager into a grown man with visions of the loss of his friend burning into his memory. God bless all those men and women who have lost their lives. xxx

I've just seen the John Lewis advert (just passed the tv to get something) & am in pieces :( The little boy is just like my DS3 but with dark hair. He was just at the age where he was bringing us stuff because he loved giving - six is such a fantastic age...

Hell, I should be working. Deep breath.

Love to all xx

{{Helyantha}} I find anything emotional difficult and sets me off, but when it hits a nerve like that it can be just too much.

chip - I remembers spensing hours, days and weeks trying to rationalise why C died. DH and I came up with our own little scenario's, but deep down we knew it was just bad luck. Something as simple as bad luck just seemed to trivial and simple, which is why I think we came up with the scenarios that we did. I think it's human nature to try and find an answer.

I unpacked a buggy today that we have hardly used, infact the last time we used it was with C. I realised something was in the shopping basket and I pulled out a hat he wore. You could tell by the condition of it that it was hardly worn and I don't really remember him wearing it, but the first thing I did was sniff it to see if it smelt of him. I didn't I would have loved to smell him again.

I would love to be able to smell Sylvie-Rose again as well "Moveit* but all her stuff had to be washed eventually.

Oooh yes I still think I occasionally get a smell of Erin from the blanket she was wrapped in at the hospital. God this really is hard isn't it. So all encompassing

Morning girls xx

Morning all, Ds3 has decided he doesn't like to sleep and was up 12-3 and woke up again at 5, I'm shattered! X

Morning ladies xx

Morning ladies.

So this morning, ds4 wanted the telly on. I refused so he went up to dh and asked for the telly to be switched on. Dh had heard me refuse so said "No, Mammy's the boss"
To which ds4 said "Yeah, she is bossy!"
Oh dear!

haha chip it's so funny DD1 keeps doing that as well

Just came back from my physio assessment... been having hip pains for a while now... she assessed me and referred me to the back class :(
she told me off for working on the sofa... I guess she is right... it's not very good for my back, I will now have to sit at a table or desk and do my work Mumsnet :( it is so comfy on the sofa though, I can't sit on a chair with my blanket

SIL just texted. She had a baby girl this morning. I am trying to be happy for her but my heart is breaking for myself. Our due dates were originally 5 days apart.....

((hugs)) for you chip I know how it feels! One of my best friends is due end of December, she's getting everything ready now...

Big hugs Chip that must be so hard. Someone asked me on Saturday if I felt resentful of other women with babies. I said No i'm not resentful at all but very very jealous. It must be that much harder with it being close family. Be gentle with yourself xxx

dammit, I'm trying so hard to be a good person and not be consumed with envy! I managed to cheerfully tell ds3 and dn they had a new cousin on the way home from school and then dissolved into tears when I got here. If she'd even had a boy, that would have been slightly easier ( I know, I need slapping with a wet fish!) But I think now, when I go to family events, there will always be a gap beside SIL's little girl, where Sylvie-Rose should have been. They were supposed to grow up together and be friends.

Chip you are a very good person. You are also a recently bereaved mummy. I'd be very envious too. Who wouldn't?

I've just arranged to see my friend on Friday who has a 5 week old dd. Our due dates were a week apart. Im trying to 'face my fear' and hoping that by being near and holding a newborn will stop me from being so scared of them. Kill or cure? We will see. Pissed off with my stupid SIL (dps sister) posting on FB - 'come on people help me convince dp that ds shouldn't be an only child. Having a sibling rocks right?' He's 7 months old ffs. Grrr. I know it's stupid but it's really irked me. Feel like commenting 'Have you forgotten your niece's sibling recently died'. But I won't even though I really want to

Hi all

Unfortunately being "envious" of other people's newborns is another "normality " of being a newly bereaved mum (sigh) I remember one of the guys in my office had a son - 8 weeks premature ..on Fraser's due date
I remember thinking that wee boy took Fraser's place on the planet ...But I smiled and said I was really pleased for them

I quite like newborn cuddles but then find myself teary when I have to give them back . That makes me sound like a nutter who wants to steal babies.. I dont honest .. it just that i had to give Fraser back .. does that make any sense ...it doesnt doesit.. hopefully you will understand where I am coming from

Whatever.. it hurts when others lives just go on without a second thought doesnt it

Sometimes there are just no answers girls and its.. learningto live with the questions.. (shamelessly copying by fm there)

I never did or do have anything that Fraser touched or wore... I have nothing left of him except hand and foot prints and a lock of hair ..its just not fair . If I could get my hands on that sonographer

sorry dont know where that came from

I have a scan tomorrow, doppler one, hoping that goes well. 22+2 today. Getting fed up of the hospital now, ended up back there again with dd1 tonight and her hand. She's fine just numb and in pain, will take a couple more weeks for that to stop apparently.

Chip that must be so hard for you :( It's hard not to feel envious but I think it's a totally normal feeling.

Whatever people just don't think before they speak a lot of the time. I've seen a few comments on fb myself that I've had to bite my tongue over.

FM (hugs) He touched you, he was inside you and you'll always have that. I don't mean to sound trite at all, it's how I feel. I couldn't hold Scarlett after she was born and I'll regret that until the day I die but I know I held her inside me and so there will always be a part of her with me forever.

Oh good luck for tomorrow Cheese. Over half way now How are you finding things now?

Stupid Fb I should delete my account it just winds me up. A work friend has just post a pic of her 4 WEEK old baby in a swing! Not an indoory type fisher price swing - a swing in her local park . Ridiculous. I'm aware i'm starting to sound like a frothy beserker

Thanks :) I know, I can hardly believe it myself. I'm quite anxious a lot of the time, I bought a doppler early on and have been using it quite a lot lately even though I feel lots of movements now. I keep going over everything that happened in my head all the time too, those last few weeks with Scarlett. Maybe I could have done something, insisted on being checked more for diabetes, been more forceful over the reason for lack of movement (I went in a few times and had a trace but they said all was well), I don't know just anything.

The worst being the night before we found out that she'd died. We were on the way to hospital for me to be admitted for unstable lie when the car broke down on the motorway. They towed us back home and we waited until the next day when we had the courtesy car to go in. It was that day that I noticed the lack of movement, I distinctly remember strong kicks in the car the night before. If only we'd just gone in the night before instead then things could have been different. Obviously I don't know and never will, they said that it wouldn't have made any difference as if I wasn't on the monitor at that exact time when things went wrong then they wouldn't have caught it if I'd been in hospital but who knows? Maybe they'd have done a trace and seen a difference in her heartrate and had time to get her out, she might have been here today.

Thinking over everything far too much as I can't change it but I still feell so guilty.

I hate photos like that, 4 weeks old in a swing I had to hide some people on fb for a while, didn't want to delete them and cause problems so just hid everything from them. It worked, kind of :)

Oh, best of luck for tomorrow, Cheese!

Morning girls xx

Best of luck today Cheese - hope everything goes really well for you xxx