'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Afternoon all. Was my birthday yesterday and also 11 months since Scarlett's birth so we had an easy day, bit of shopping etc and a chinese for dinner. We went to visit Scarlett too, it was a nice day. Poor dd1 has been really upset though, she came down at about 10pm last night crying and saying she misses Scarlett :( I held her while she cried and spoke to her then got her back into bed, she'll be 10 in Feb. I think I might need to look at getting her to speak to someone about it as this is hard for her too.

Moveit thinking of you today xx

Everlong I hope yesterday was as good as it could have been xx

MoveIt thinking of your precious boy.

azira sorry you're having a bad day. Money worries are horrible and you especially don't need them now.

Azira hope your day has improved. Money worries are rubbish. Good luck for your interview tomorrow. What job is it for?

Cheese Happy Birthday for yesterday . Hope you were spoilt. Poor dd 10 must be a difficult age. Old enough to totally comprehend what's happened but still a young child. Bless her hope you find some good support for her xx

Blue Chip hope you're both okay xx

K has got croup poor thing she's quite dragged down with it so we're snuggled up watching Lion King

I am sending you loads of love tonight Ilike.. bet its all come flooding back today and it feels like yesterday despite the years

cheese I dont have any words of wisdom. I guess all you can do is be there to listen and continue to make her feel like her feelings are important

wtw hope K gets better soon! in the meantime enjoy the cuddles on the sofa :)

One of my pregnant friends remembered yesterday in church it was my due date last week and gave me a hug, which was nice. Don't know how I will react when her little one will be born, she's due round 20 December. But I'm sure she will understand however way I'll feel. She is the only one of my friends who's seen Sterre's picture.

Just thinking about our friends 20 year old son. He was knocked down (by a motorbike) in the early hours of Sunday morning, and died a few hours later in our local hospital.

Was going to say Rest in peace David....but have changed my mind to give them hell in heaven, keep wearing your Man City scarf and I hope with all my heart they win the Premiership just for you.

Another family starting on this crappy, shitty path of bereavement.

David - I hope my Matt and Gareth have met you already and you are all singing 'Blue Moon' and causing havoc xxxx

LOL at "Give them Hell in Heaven" shabba!

Have to say, I never did like the idea of saying "Rest In Peace"
Resting in Peace just sounds boring to me! When I die, I hope there won't be much resting. I hope there will be lots of travelling and exploring and socialising with Einstein and Spike Milligan and having tea and rashers with my Nana and playing with my Sylvie-Rose and chatting with my Dad.

And haunting! I may do a bit of haunting!

Morning ladies xx

I am so sorry to hear your friends have lost their son Shabs another young life snatched away. It is such a waste and so cruel. I think the shock stays forever. xx

Morning girls xx

Have hardly closed my eyes all night. xx

Morning girls. So sorry to hear about David shabba . It's so bloody unfair. That poor family, hope he gets to meet his heroes wherever he is. Wish me luck today girls, it's a solicitor's role near me so here's hoping. x x

Have a good day today everyone x x

Good luck Azira you must ask Shabs for one of her smiles to pin on xx

Its a dismal, grey, drizzly day here - kind of matches my mood.

Spoke to my niece yesterday and Beth (her little girl) is home again. My niece says she is doing well. That little girl has to be the best fighter I have ever met. xxx

Ah Shabs so sorry to hear about David. Wishing his family strength xx

Good luck today Azira

Been up half the night with K and her croupy cough poor thing. Duvet day for us again Zzzzzz

Good luck azira!

whatever hope K is better soon. I always hated croupy coughs, they always make the child sound so sick

Had the bereavement social worker here today. I had been hoping to have the house a bit tidier than it was. She was lovely, chatted to her for ages. She was offering bereavement counselling sessions. Did anyone find them helpful? Right now, I kind of feel that nothing will bring Sylvie-Rose back so I'm not sure how talking about it will help?

Morning girls xxx

Morning, shabba!

Morning al!

Morning all!

Grrr, been trying to sort out my maternity pay with work as I've been under paid. HR are the most useless flipping idiots known to man. Think I've had to explain to 5 different HR people this morning 'Yes I am mat leave. No I'm not being kept up all night actually because my baby died'

Jeeez can they not make a fecking note or something!!! Still no closer to sorting it out just hung up and burst in to tears

whatever I took Dan for his routine jabs a few weeks after his twin Gareth had died. The revolting GP said....'Oh you missed last weeks appointment and you didn't even ring up to explain.' I said 'Danny's twin died in July and I haven't wanted to talk to anybody at all.' She looked at me.....tutted loudly...then, with a red pen, wrote 'deceased' across Gareths records. I stood there looking at here with tears rolling down my face - all the midwives and health visitors who knew made a hasty retreat. I would like to meet that cow again - some 29 years down the line. In fact, I may make it my mission to find her and totally and utterly beat her nasty face in.....

I think every company and organisation should have a 'bereavement officer' someone who helps people who have lost a loved one to re-adjust to work, to claim what benefits they are owed and to generally look after them. Next time you speak to the HR people insist that you get their full name. Then tell them to make a note of your circumstances on their fookin bloody computers. I despise their lack of compassion.

I just went shopping - have managed to get away with shopping for ages (thank you on-line Asda). Down the first aisle and a rising feeling of claustraphobia and panic. Down the next one and out blares The Lighthouse Family - One day we're gonna get so high...........thats our 'holiday' song and makes me think of Greece.....down the next aisle and I spot in the distance Matts primary school teacher who he adored. Contemplate running out and leaving my shopping....hasty retreat to the check out. On comes the song 'I....I dont want stay.......make it through the day without you.' Food thrown in bags, money paid and Im home now. By the Christ I am not very well mentally!!

Oh Shabs bless you. The constant reminders must be so hard. Quiet afternoon for you methinks. Have you got Lew today? There's lots of songs I can't listen to now, they all seem to have taken on a new meaning. Music can be very powerful.

I wish there was someone that would help at work. They are very nice but definite dhac's. And no one but me actually cares if i get paid correctly or not and i just dont have the energy to deal with it.

Can I ask how long others had off work? I'm thinking of going back in January but just can't imagine it.

Oh and as for that gp Shabs

wtw I went back to work after a month, but then I wasn't entitled maternity leave. Luckily it was end of July and Summer holidays when I got back to work and not so much to do but to work from home and prepare things.

When I went to GP a few weeks ago and was talking about being pregnant earlier this year, he looked at me like this I then explained what happened and he said oh that must have been very traumatic for you. But didn't really I ask how I was coping or whether I had counselling or so...

I'm In Ireland, Whatever and if we lose a baby, maternity leave is the same as if the baby had lived, which is 6 months. So I will be going back in February. But I am not looking forward to it. Lots of my patients knew I was pregnant and they won't all know she died so I am going to have to explain it to some people. I know a colleague who wouldn't go back to the same job after it happened to her.

Shabs, can't believe that GP! Horrible, horrible woman!