'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

Oh I know that feeling my love. Most people who know me say how strong I am and how well I have coped with everything. If I let my guard down for just 5 minutes they would all be very shocked. Just lately I feel like I have lost the fight......my head spins around all day....money worries, worrying about my Mum, worrying about all the family etc etc etc etc I know I haven't lost the fight but just now I have a head full of rubbish!

Thank you - be kind to you as well my friend. xxxx

shabs, one thing at a time. You have so much on your plate but try not to let it all whirl around in your head. Set aside time for one issue and one issue alone, deal with it as best you can, then move on to the next one.

Everlong of course it's still hurting. I think we don't want others to be distressed by our distress so we pretend everything's fine. My SIL has been wonderful throughout, has rung me and spent hours listening to me go on and on about the same things. And I want her to think I'm getting better because God knows I don't want her to feel the distress I feel.

It always reminds me of the great poet Robbie Williams
"You think that I'm strong. You're wrong. You're wrong"

Morning ladies xx

Sending love to you and your family today Everlong x Trying to be normal and ok is exhausting. My son lives in my head as I expect Oliver does in yours IUSWIM. xx

Hope your dd is ok now Dee how scary that must have been for you all. How is your 'bump'? xx

Everlong I hope that today has passed as peacefully as possible for you. Thinking of you and Oliver tonight xx

Shabs - hugs xx Maybe you should let your guard down for those 5 minutes - let the people that love you hold you up. I bet they would. I know I don't 'know' you but I just have this image of you being the strong and nurturing one in your family always taking care of everyone else and putting their needs before yours

Chip - It's funny how we become the ones that protect everyone else from our true feelings isn't it. I sometimes wonder if my family all talk about me as they always look so worried when they ask how I am and I breezily reply 'Oh I'm fine' As if I am fine - far from it but those words come out the easiest.

Whatever after Matt was killed (in 1992) my whole family fell apart....my parents, my husband etc etc.....I remember looking round one day and thinking 'Looks like its just me then' If I fell apart now there would be no family who could 'keep this show on the road.' I allowed them all to think that I am the strong one. Oh well....I suppose its one foot in front of the other, and dont forget to breathe xxxx

Oh Shabs you are an almighty woman. We can virtually hold you up whenever you need it though

No Im not love - Im swimming through the thick treacle like the rest of the Mums on this thread. Sometimes Im fine and sometimes Im really, really, really not!! I have become more of a worrier as I've got older though. Thanks for the drink

We will all swim through the thick treacle together Shabs xx

I am calm Everlong I am watching Downton Abbey, eating bisciuts and getting fatter, but it doesn't matter because I am 60 and I am invisible. xx

I love it would you like a chocolate chip cookie? x

If you like it put the boxed set on your Christmas list, it will pass away a few hours xx

Well, today has arrived. It was four years today that our darling firstborn son took his last breath and passed away in his daddy's arms.

We love you darling boy. We have been blessed with two more sons since we said goodbye to you. No question they have helped us heal, but they have not and will never replace you. We think of you and miss you daily. You were our surprise gift and a product of our love. We wish you were here with us still, but we understand that you can't be.

I didn't get the chance to come on here yesterday Everlong, but I lit a candle for you ds yesterday and I was thinking of you all.

So glad to hear B is ok, what a horrible horrible time that must have been Dee.

You're not invisible to me Lavandes xx

Morning girls xx

Moveit will be thinking about you today. Your words are so beautiful. I hope you find some peace amongst today. xxxx

Morning ladies xx

Thinking of you and your family today ilike xx

Lovely words moveit. Thinking of you today.

Off to the doctors with K in a bit. She's got an awful chesty cough and is just not herself

Good morning everyone.

Moveit I will be thinking of you today.

Crap morning today. Been awake 25 minutes and thus far:

*OH's ex has called needing to speak to him alone. I crap myself thinking she may be upset with me (have I done something wrong to ss? has my grief revealed itself to him?) but it turns out it's about money.
*REALLY worried about money. Don't know where we will get money to survive this month. My parents have helped a bit but have taken it off my inheritance.
*Job interview tomorrow and am bricking it so much I'm dreaming about it
*I'm not pregnant (did a test)
*Stupidest of all - H is watching Hollyoaks and Mercedes baby is not breathing properly - in a stupid tailspin about this
*Charlie isn't here.

Sorry to offload, it's just all rubbish today. Love going out to you all.

ILikeToMoveIt wishing you a gentle day remembering your precious firstborn! x
whatever hope K gets better soon!
aziraphale ((hugs)) for you! money worries are awful! I know the feeling! We are waiting for a tax return rebate. Of which half we have to pay back to PIL and another bit to my work. Which then leaves us with a bit more to survive the next 2 months. What we will do after that, only God knows!