'The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears' - bereaved parents thread.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

'PLEASE SAY THEIR NAMES'

The time of concern is over. No longer are we asked how we're doing. Never are the names of our children mentioned to us. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. Life's slip from frequent recall. There are exceptions: close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family. Still look. Still ask. Still listen. Thank God for them. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for us the play will never end. The effects on us are timeless. What can be said, you ask? Please say "their names" to us. Love does not die. Their names are written on our lives. You may feel that they are dead. We feel that they are of the dead and still they live. They ghost-walk our souls, beckoning in future welcome. You say, "They were our children"; we say "They are". Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again. It hurts to bury their memory in silence. What they were in flesh is no longer with us. What they are in spirit stays within us always. They were of our past but they are part of our now. They are our hope for the future. Please understand we cannot forget. We would not if we could.

We know that you cannot know, yesterday we were like you. Understand that we dwell in both flesh and spirit. We do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. We walk it not by choice. We would rather walk it with them in the flesh, looking not to spirit worlds beyond. We are what we have to be. What we have lost, you cannot feel. What we have gained you may not see. Please say " their names" for they are alive. We will meet them again, although in many ways we've never parted. Their spirits play light songs, appear in sunrises and sunsets. They are real and shadow, they were and they are.

Please say "their names" to us and say "their names" again.
They are our children and we love them as we always did.
More each day.

'PLEASE, SAY THEIR NAMES'

In memory of my darling forever-baby Ciaran. I loved you from the moment i saw those two pink lines, and i'll love you til i draw my last breath as a wizened old woman of 103. You taught me what it was to truly love, and although you could only stay such a short time, you made me a better person and my world a better place. I'm so glad to have known you.

I know. Some of the quotes on that link are perfect. I've ordered the calendar, a few cards from there. I love the one for Dad's that says 'You cannot hold her in your arms. But you will always be her Dad'

What a lovely site, Whatever!

I received a lovely Mumsnet parcel today organised by and sent by Peachy.
Lovely memory box and album plus some preserving paper for her little clothes, books for the children, a toy leopard for ds4, a bracelet for me made by Peachy's ds3 and the loveliest card. I love Mumsnet!

Oh Chip - how wonderful - that is just perfect xxx

that's so lovely chip how are you feeling today? x

Aaaw Chip that is lovely

Also did you know if you/the hospital used the inkless kits to take your dc's hand/foot prints that it fades in a few years so you need to scan them in to a computer or photocopy them. Found the little leaflet the other day which reminded me the midwife did tell us that.

I've ordered Sterre's twilight picture on canvas wtw together with a picture of DD1 when she was bridesmaid at my DSis wedding earlier this year.
We don't have hand/foot prints of Sterre as she was too fragile to be taken prints of. :(
But really looking forward to her canvas print.

It's gorgeous Blue. They come out really well on canvas - the sand looks like you could reach out and touch it. We've got Erin's next to one we had put on canvas of K taken on Bournemouth beach in the Summer x

I never had a canvas print done before as a few years ago when I wanted to they were quite expensive! But I've got 2 for price of 1 now for about £35!

I don't know if I will ever heal. Music sets me off because it was always a link to Richard and me. Tonight me and dh were having dinner listening to Oasis concert on Sky Box. OK until Look Back in Anger took me back to when Richard and I went to see Oasis, I said to Rich 'This makes me think of Granny (Who was Sally), and we sang along. Tonight it took me right back and I sobbed. Maybe I should throw away all music that takes me back to times with richard. Sometimes I fear for my sanity.

I know exactly what you mean Lavendes. Certain songs make me sob, make me want my sons, make me angry, make me happy.....all at the same time. I can honestly say, many, many years down the crappy path...dont throw the music away. Please dont. Eventually it will make you smile....it will bring back amazing memories and it will make you long for one more look at your precious son. The love and longing we have for our children will never go away but, there again, I dont think either of us would want those feelings to dissapear. Chin up sweetheart and Im passing you a spare 'pin on smile' for you to keep...I have hundreds more xxxx

I too fear for my sanity....I wish we lived closer...we could have a drink at my best friends house, we could sing and dance and show ourselves up also watch out for my friend with her marker pen....just check my photo's on FBook xxxxx

Thanks Shabs I just miss him so much. I don't think I am totally over the shock of his death although it has been 18 months. I think I have got used to acting normal, but I am not normal IYSWIM. Can I borrow a smile for tomorrow. Also I do have Christmas with Oz family to look forward to, so I must pull myself together x

I wish we could sing and dance and show ourselves up, I used to be the life and soul, we will do it virtually at New Yearxx

I can only imagine how you must feel. Your baby...but your big grown up son...many years of great memories, but then the longing for him must be multiplied 1,000 times. Sending you a virtual massive box of pin on smiles. xxxxx

You dont have to 'pull yourself together' for me, my friend. Falling apart is very much allowed with me xxx

Morning girls xx

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been around much. Chip and Blue, I'm sorry my greetings are late but you have been in my thoughts.

I hope no-one minds but this was shared on another forum. It makes me think of the poem posted on p14 (apologies, not good with names yet!) I think it's exquisite.
Not sure if this will appear as a link - sorry again xxx

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Oh, Azira, that is so beautiful and sad at the same time!

lavandes, don't, don't, don't ever throw the music away. Yes, it makes you sad but it's part of you. Maybe only listen when you feel strong enough but don't throw it away.

I did have to turn off Paul Simon's "Father and Daughter" when it came on the radio the day after Sylvie-Rose died. Before I had her it made me sad because I didn't have a daughter, now it makes me sad because I have lost my daughter.

Hi Ladies,

Sorry for not having been around, but DD has been very ill in hospital. She had mastoiditis, although at first we thought it was just an ear infection but our GP sent us to the hospital straight away and we were told that if we'd left it just another few hours she could have been left with brain damage, or worse. I couldn't contemplate losing her too.

Thankfully though, after several days on IV antibiotics, painkillers and fluids, she is very much back to her usual self and we were able to come home today. We've been incredibly lucky.

Oh Dee how very very frightening for you and poor DD. Thank goodness your gp was able to spot it and send you in quickly. I'd not heard of it so just googled it . You must be relieved to have her home. Big hugs for all of you xx

dee God that must have been so frightening! I'm so glad she is better now, hugs for you both x.

Oh, dee

So relieved for you that she is OK. Lucky your GP was on the ball.

Morning girls xx

So relieved that everything is OK now Dee. So glad you are home and DD is better xxxx

It hurts so much because you loved/love him like only a Mum can love her children.

Its hard work pretending you are OK isin't it?

Thinking of you and Oliver today. Sending my love and a massive hug. xxxx